just another day

Things are pretty good right now.  I am back on the steroids and the pain meds an the pain is managed.  It is not gone, but I am in an interesting balance between I don't care and I don't hurt.   The steroids don't make me jittery, no this time on them I am hyper.  I mean like race around in a circle and talk a million words a minute kind of hyper.  And my emails at work.  First I have a hard time focusing and then grasping the simplest of questions.  So when someone asks me a double question, say, what is your name and phone number.  My first response has been, "I don't understand."  Then I giggle.  I think that is the pain meds. And then I can't seem to answer these emails without a zillion words.  


Then there are moments of quiet clarity, that are usually followed quickly by more giggles.  But other then this bizarre feeling of the hyper need to try and burn off adrenaline, and then the total absurdity of the whole situation it is quite a trip.  And then there are the tears.  I mean I sit at my desk and open an email.  The email starts out, "Good morning" and my tears just stream down my face.  My nose turns red and then starts to run and then one of my staff comes in and sees me and has this panic look on his face and I start giggling, tears still washing my cheeks.  And the poor guy just stands there stuttering not knowing what to do.  So I smile, cough to try and stop the giggle which just makes a sort of snorting sound which triggers the giggle reflex again and I ask if there is something I can do for him.  He says he just wants to ask a question, and I tell him he is welcome to, but if the answer doesn't sound right, he might want and wait and come ask me again later.  And then he asks me the question, usually something simple and easy and I lean back in my chair and wipe the tears from my cheeks, I don't know why, they just come streaming down again, and I look at him and say, "what do you think we should do."  Note, that is my main supervisor tool.  Anytime any one of my staff comes in with a  question, a problem, whatever, I always ask for them to explain the situation to me and then I try and look thoughtful and intelligent, and then I always ask, "what do you think we should do."  And you know, they always have a solution.  Sometimes it needs a little tweaking, but usually not much.  Usually they just need me to delegate the authority to them.  I have this amazing staff.  Albeit quite small.  And they are constantly looking at what they do and finding ways to do smarter, cheaper, more timely.  And they are holding up pretty good at this point with dealing with constant increases in work and now their boss running in and out, giggling like an idiot with tears streaming down her face.


So that is work.  At least I am awake and getting some things accomplished.  Not as much as i would like, but when you spend so much energy just trying to stay focused, it does not leave as much for the actual doing.  


And I feel strong, and other then the emotional swings, I feel mostly normal.  So last night I went up to the Opera House.  We had 130 dinners with another 67 paying play attendees for the Great American Trailer Park Musical.  So a full house down stairs and a nice size crowd upstairs.  A great first night for our new collaboration between TOASC and Monticello Opera House.  I helped downstairs serving.  I really didn't do that much, and then Ms Moon, Mindy and I went up to watch a little of the play.  I didn't push it and came home a little after 9.


This morning I met with my new lawn guy.  He gave me a great price and will start on Monday and mow every other week.  I might learn to like this.  I really do like to mow, but it would free up a lot of time having someone else do it.  We will see.  I have a couple of great mowers and I think that when I am able to get my mower working again I just might go back to doing my own.  We will see.  That is not anything to worry about at this time.

So when I got done with making the arrangements I went up to the Opera House, but they had everything set.  I just brought the programs home and I am folding them for this evening.  And tonight Bob, my friend from work will be coming to see the play.  I hope he enjoys it.  He likes theater, and this is cute, even if it uses a lot of "adult language".  


And so everything will be normal for the next many days.  And then Thursday start the radiation.  That evening I will pick up Christopher and then the next day his older brother Nathaniel, and get to spend some time with family.


So, just trying to continue taking each day one at a time and come up with a calendar so that I can write down all of my appointments so I don't have to worry about them. I will probably have to do a blog at a later time about how many things do not work normally as you go through this process.  I am trying the recommended treatments to try and get things going, but so far no luck. Funny the things that become a part of your everyday.