The doctor said.....

I had gone for my bone treatment on Monday and the doctor was not there so I had given a list of notes to the lovely kind girl who hooked me up to my drip and made sure that all went well for the first of many bone treatments.  These are the treatments to help my bones get strong to help stop the cancer.  To help my bones be like normal bones, strong enough to hold up the non-skeletal part of this soft body.  The list had been simple questions, when can I get off of the steroids?  Any recommendation on things I need to do to prepare other parts of my body for this journey?  Like dental care?  


So when I got home last night the doctor had called and left a message to call him at the office and he would call me back.  And he did.  And he said that because of the cancer on the C7 vertebrate, he would like to go ahead and start treatments as quickly as possible.  Would I mind starting the chemo while I am on radiation?  And, well things were going to have to be stepped up a bit.  It is time to pursue this disease a little more aggressively.  He was sorry to say that his best first guess of the chemo would be two chemicals, and he knew he had said I would probably not have many side affects, now that they knew more about the cancer and where it is, well, I will loose my hair and  suffer from nausea.  This was not what we had talked about when I first met him.  Before the bone scan. 


But like I said to Dr. B, well, it really isn't much of a choice, hair or cancer, I guess they both have to go.  And nausea, I know that he is prepared for that, and he has a plan.  And Ms Moon has a plan where I can stay with her on the days that I can not stay by myself.  And I have been thinking about moving into my guest room because it has more light and more windows and views of my garden.



And this is not going to be a few weeks.  This is going to be month and months and....  well, no way of knowing for sure, but the doctor assured me he would be there until the cancer was gone.  I assume he means and I am still here.  And we discussed a few more things, like how he picked out the Radiologist Oncologist because he thought that I would like her and that  would help me on this journey.  And about the fact that the pain is not like a headache where you take an aspirin and the headache goes away.  No, the pain will be here until the cancer goes away.  Hmmmm, that is longer then I thought.  OK, all of this is more then I thought.  This is harder then I thought, this is more then I wanted to do.  I just wanted to sort of have cancer and then be OK.  That life would be richer because of the challenge and journey that I had survived.  But now it is real.  I mean really real.  And it hit me like a rock.  


We want to get on this aggressively because of the C7 vertebrate.  There are still worse case scenarios that I had just brushed aside.  


And I went to work and for the first time I started to get things in order.  And then I left for the CT simulation and guess what?  I was a day early.  Yep, I actually worked out simulating the simulation.  No one is going to deny that I may have a bit of the overachiever going on here.  And then as I was driving back to the office, I knew I could not go back there.  So I called and told them I would be in the morning and that I had screwed up my appointment so I would have to leave tomorrow for the actual CTsim.  And then I thought I am just going to drive and drive and drive.  But I was afraid to just drive with out a plan.  I need a plan.  So instead of just driving, I went to see Ms Moon.  And she never expects me to be perfect or judges me for not being the best I can be.  She just lets me be me, and she listens to me, and she sometimes says the right thing and sometimes says the wrong thing, and then we talk about the string theory and we do not talk about things we can not handle.  And because it is real, and that we are both trying to be the best person we can for the other one, it is such a relief.  I just hope I don't leave too much hurt on her shoulders when I leave.  And then I started preparing.  I bought chicken food, hay, scratch.  Order rabbit food.  I made calls and left messages for people to start mowing my grass.  I made an appointment to have a will drawn up.  I went to Chicken delight, some place that I have never been in or even bought food there.  I have eaten food there, but never actually been there to buy it.  I don't know if I will go there often.  the food tasted wonderful,  but well, let's just leave it there.  And then I came home and watched "It's complicated" because Netflix just left me that DVD in my mail box today and it was adorable.  And I ordered Chinese food to take up to the Opera House for the TOSAC cast/crew who are bringing "The Great American Trailer Park Musical" to our lovely theater this weekend, and I wanted to save, Welcome.  We are glad that you are here. Welcome and please have a lovely time.  Then I called and the lawn guy is coming tomorrow to give me an estimate on mowing the yard for me, and Jack and Jan have volunteered to take care of the dogs.  And Rich said that he is just going to show up one day and start doing things.  And Judy and Denise are there, so that if I want to stay home some time and need help they will be able to help me do it.    And I am better.  I am back in control with myself.  And life is ok.  No, life is good.  I can do this.  Judy said there would be days like this.  And so far this is the hardest and the first one like it, but I did it.  And now I will take some pain meds, go to bed, and maybe I will even sleep.