Sittin On A Porch

Sittin On A Porch
Our little back porch

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

It was Perfect

The day dawned with blue skies and bright sunshine reflecting off the azaleas.  The yard was lovely.  The day cool but perfect.  A little before noon clouds tumbled in and the wind picked up, but well before 2:30 when we finally made that procession through the flowers and friends and family the sun glowed through the trees.  It sparkled on bright eyes of those standing together to share their love and joy with us.

Smiles, tears, laughter and flower petals filled the air and swirled with the yellow pollen into our hair and covering our cars.  Everything was perfect.  The cake, the flowers, the people, the love, my handsome husband.  Everything was just perfect.  We were married under a cover with tulle swirling in white and gold.  The Harley's stood guard across the back.  Loved ones clustered in the trees taking photos like paparazzi.  My Dad looked liked the fine Southern father.  Bug's parents smiled and held hands supporting us from their side.  Bug's daughter along with her son, Kensington, and her honey, Ken surprised us and came for the wedding.  A friend from my past, surprised me and showed up and took lots of photos.  

It was a day of magic and surprises.  My dearest friends were there.  Linda, one of my two best friends from college asked me what shoes I was wearing for the wedding.  After determining that my white ballet slippers, the only almost appropriate pair of shoes for this day, were covered in chicken manure from when I had to rush into the coop one night late after the Opera House, were not going to cut it.  So she and Susan bought me a beautiful pair, and Linda ended up being my wedding planner and she and Susan, Lynne, Sioux and Vicki worked with Bug's Mother and Daughter and everything was perfect. 

His parents bought the bride's cake, we bought the groom's cake.  My Dad bought the flowers, and all the precious loved ones brought food and ice and drink.

It was just perfect.  I will tell you more soon, but I wanted to get something posted.  I am a very happily married woman now.  Something I could never have imagined.  I married my best friend, my pal, my buddy, my love, and we are even happier each moment we look into each other's smiles.  Monday I walked around the yard and just thought how perfect my life is.  When I moved here there were no gardens, no flowers, no camellias, no azaleas.  And now, on our wedding dance, flowers danced in the breeze with white, pink and purple.

Here are some of the happy moments:

Mom and Dad and the bride cake

A proud Papa and his grandson, Kensington

Here comes the bride and groom

A Celtic hand tying ceremony with my Vicki

Friends, Flowers and Family

A blessing with Geeta, Anvi and Janak

Family photo

The Groom's cake

My Fairy Flower Girl, Jessica and her Mom, JongAe, Dad in the background

Dad and Vicki

Vicki, Linda, Sioux, Kathleen, Susan, Lynne, my dearest precious ones
 It was perfect.  Thank you who were able to be with us.  Thank you for those who sent sweet wishes, Thank you to all who thought of us.  It was the love of our friends and families that brought us together to celebrate this sweet almost spring day.  It was friends who shared food and drink for making it so sweet.  Thank you to who shared gifts, you were too generous and we love you all so very much.

Thank you for a perfect day
thank you for a perfect wedding
thank you for a shared time with such sweet precious friends
thank you for giving me this amazing memory
of love
and joy
and sharing
and celebrating
and cherishing
and being in one of those few most perfect moments, and during that time, we all shared that moment. 
That sweet precious moment in our life
and it was perfect

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Side effects

My cheeks are Rosy and bright, the steroids.  My eyes are glassy and red.  That is because I lay in bed at night and try to figure out if I am asleep or not.  Am I in a dream, or simply laying awake.  I can't tell what is real in those dark hours of night.  I get up and wander around, try to read, look at a garden magazine, pet the animals, sit in my red chair and try to relax.  Then I head back to bed, trying night to wake Bug and slip back into the warmth of the covers where I lay there again watching the light slip between the cracks into the room.  I only take 6 roids each treatment.  Two the day before, the day of and the day after treatment.  Today I feel like a zombie, exhausted, glassie eyed with lack of sleep.  I have been experiencing nausea and  that overwhelming need to sit down this time.  The last treatment didn't go so bad.  This one isn't that bad, but more then I needed right now.  Or is this exactly what I needed?  A reminder to only do what can be reasonably done.  I didn't get much done yesterday here at the house.  Bug and I did get out and run some errands.  I did buy tulle.  No crepe bells or bows or doves, but maybe a little tulle hanging from tarp cover we may use, well Okay.  I love ribbons.  Hopefully this will look a little ribbonish with the tulle floating in the sun.

The weather looked earlier like a perfect warm sunny day for our wedding, but now it looks like it might no be that warm.  Hopefully we are still looking for 70s.  I would love to wear my silk, but angora will work too.  I will just feel beautiful standing there next to my sweet man.  He thinks I am beautiful.  that is all that matters

A little bloody nose this morning, but not too bad.  I can do this.  A new chapter in my life and I want to enjoy it.  Right now, it feels like someone beat my abdomen with bamboo sticks.  Not really helping me to push past the sit downs.  This is still nothing like the treatments when I got the flu.  But this is really no fun.  Stomach issues.  but hey, better this weekend then next!

It is the wrong cold again today.  Just too cold.  The air smells fresh and crisp with a light fragrance of wood smoke.  But to enjoy that, means being outside.  No, no, that is not me today.  Looks like I will rest my body a little bit.  Write a new list and throw out the old one.  Get my head on straight for this last week.  I need to do a good company house cleaning.  I just did this a week or so ago, so it will be easier this time.  I need to locate a couple of possible locations for the ceremony and see what I can do simply and with little fuss to look it's best.  I should be able to see what the cold did to the flowers tomorrow when it is a little warmer

Right now Bug and I are watching Good Eats.  Alton Brown's cooking show.  We saw one of my two favorites, The Legend of Squid Boy.  Now he is talking about salmon.  The show opened up with Alton on a small fishing boot on Tilamook Bay.  Bug's brother Ron and Linda live up there and we got to see them last year on our trip around the country. 

Yes, I realize I am jumping on around.  That is what I am trying to relax and calm so that I can sleep.  The roids cause my brain to jump constantly.  It gives me a headache and it is hard to focus or accomplish things, and all that spinning and swirling in my head I think is why I am feeling so nauseous.  Maybe.

It is all okay, because this will pass and I will marry my best friend, and life will get back to our life together, a little quiet, a little travel, a little less hectic.  When the slow downs don't really matter.  And our friends are coming to celebrate with us.  Just that simply.  Nothing else matters.  Some good food shared by friends, together, happy, cake, I mean, really, how hard is this.  And today there is so much fresh tasty packaged food you can simply throw in the oven.  So as people start arriving we can have healthy food available, easy to cook, easy to eat and focus on seeing each other.  Renewing old friendships, introducing new friends.  So, hanging in there, still on track, maybe just choo chooing along a little slower. 

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Treatment #6 and taking a little break

We took a break from the wedding and went to see my Dad.  We got to take him out to dinner at the Riverfront Cafe on Sunday evening and then Monday morning he was up bright and early so we took him up to Norma Rae's for breakfast.  He loves to go out for breakfast.  Shoot he likes being able to get out of the house, for any meal or to go shopping or whatever, just to get out of that quiet lonely house.  He had a Reuben sandwich for breakfast, chips, pickle and all.  He seemed quite happy.

I got his clothes packed for the wedding and helped him with some appointments and adding addresses into his book.  It was just nice to spend time with him.  I also got to see Rob and Tom and families.  The kids are great.  Nathaniel is so focused and working on his Eagle Scout project getting it wrapped up. He is also very active in his church, working on picking out a college, visiting his lovely girlfriend, Heidi and generally being a good guy. Christopher is wonderful as always.  He is going to raise rabbits and he is practicing his cello and riding his bike and helping to take care of his grandfather along with his older brother.  Jessica is as sweet and precious and vivacious as the perfect flower girl for a wedding.  Her ribbon dress and wings are ready.  They are purple, yellow and pink and she will carry a purple basket and be such a lovely flower fairy.  I will finish Jong Ae's ribbon dress today.  She is going to take photos for us.  She has experience taking photos.

After we left Dad's we headed across the state to Titusville to visit Bug's parent's and his Aunt Doris and Uncle Herb. Aunt Doris's birthday was Tuesday and we were going to go out to lunch together.  We left Dad's later so that I could spend another house with him, so instead of going to Titusville and finding a hotel before getting to visit the family for an hour or so.  So instead we pointed the toy north and decided to stay with Hobbie in Daytona and take her out to Caribbean Jack's for Mahi.  They have the most amazing Mahi sandwich.  Bug and I eat it every time we go to Daytona.  He likes his blackened, I like my grilled.  He gets the bacon off my sandwich, and I don't even consider eating the bun, it is too much food  with the fries or onion rings.  I would rather eat all my fish and the lettuce and tomato that goes with the sandwich.  A lovely chipolte sauce adds a nice bite of spice.  I highly recommend it.  We had such a lovely evening and morning with Hobbie.  She is so smart and fun and joyful and is just so nice to everyone.  Col. Bill is up in the cold north but will be down this coming weekend for Bike Week.  That is where Bug and I will spend our first week of our honeymoon.  We will have our regular bedroom and it will be so much fun surrounded by such happy, fun partier people.  The next week we will spend at the Suwanee Music Fest at Spirit of the Suwanee.  Because I have chosen not to stop the chemo, but instead try to keep up one every 3 - 4 weeks.  I have another Pet Scan planned for the end of March and then a treatment after that.  April will be another weird month in that we are going to Angel City for a Rally, so trying to schedule treatments will revolve around our honeymoons.  But after that most of the honey moon trips around my treatments.  Except for August, I want to ride with Bug to Sturges and Milwaukee.  It is the 110th Anniversary of Harley and we would both love to go there this year together.

Tuesday we headed down to Titusville.  We picked up the loveliest pink lilies for Aunt Doris.  Bug had already bought her a birthday card.  We met them at the house long enough to say to Uncle Herb who would not be able to go with us.  When Bug walked in he said "Hey, Bob" so he appeared to recognize Bug.  That was a pleasant surprise.  We had lunch at a Super Chinese Buffet.  Aunt Doris picked it out.  She is delightful, a real firecracker.  We barely kept up with her when we followed her to the restaurant.  She shot down the road leaving us in her dust.  They call her the Silver Bullet.   Her brother wanted to take her out for her birthday, but Aunt Doris had a coupon for a free buffet on her birthday.  She is an extremely intelligent, independent fire cracker.  He voice carries the throatiness of years of smoking, now a habit no longer used.  She speaks directly and her years as a nurse and a supervisor gives her a quirky sense of humor, but looks you straight in the eyes.  She holds a MS degree, quite an achievement for a woman her age.  Especially one who has suffered so much loss.  The death of her first husband and both of her sons.  The devastating stroke to Uncle Herbie taking the kindest man away from her.  That is how she describes him.  She told me that Bug's Mother loves me.  I said I pay her a dollar every day.  Doris did that raspy harsh laugh and told me that I was okay.

We had a wonderful time at lunch.  Aunt Doris did not eat the first bite of Chinese food.  She did eat a slice of pizza and some ham and a deviled egg.  That was about it, but she seemed quite happy and everyone else was impressed with how much she ate.  She is diminutive physically, but huge with life and personality.  I really liked her a lot.

After lunch and way more photos then Aunt Doris was happy about Bug and I drove back up to Daytona.  We had planned on driving home but there were strong storm passing here at home, and we really didn't want to drive all the way home through thunderstorms when we could spend another night with Hobbie.  Really a no brainer.  We stayed home and grilled veggies and chicken over power greens.  A big lovely healthy meal overflowing with wonderful red wine.  We laughed and talked and Bug convinced Hobbie to create wax art.  It was a wonderful wonderful night. The next morning we headed home with the weather behind us. It had been a wonderful get away getting to see Dad and Bug's parents and Aunt Doris and sweet Hobbie.  It was relaxing and no worries about the avalanche of stuff that needs to get done this week.  But we have come back relaxed and happy and closer having spent sometime together instead of working.  Sigh, it was much needed especially with treatment #6 the day after we got back.

We rested Wednesday after our travels and the next day, even though it was a bit nippy, when we climbed on to the black cherry Harley and drove north to the Oncology Center.  I guess I was a bit depressed last visit.  Well, finding out that I had to keep up the treatments and I had been so very very sick for those first four treatments, I was not convinced that I wanted to spend the rest of my life sick.  But I realize now that most of my being sick was not the cancer or the WMD, but the flu.  The flu has made me way more sick then the cancer itself.  Some of the chemo made me this sick, but that was more then a year ago.  Treatment 5 has gone much better.  No flu, better attitude and being proposed to on Valentine's Day all helped for me to walk into the center with a smile on my face and ready to start this new life with more WMDs.  Dr. May was so happy and when she walked in the room, she looked directly at me to judge my mood.  She had gone to all my nurses last treatment and they had talked to me about being more open to treatments, that it would get better.  Leslie told Dr. May not to worry that she felt sure that after I had talked to Bug I would be more willing to give the WMDs another try.  She was right, and Dr. May was so relieved.  So the end of this month another PetScan and treatments.   I also want to go see the Amazing Dr. McCutie Pie within the next month or two also.  I have asked again that he be sent my records. I just like having his eyes involved, and his heart and his sense of humor.  How lucky am I to have such amazing people all cheering for me.

We are in count down, one week from today.  I need to get some ribbons and materials to make corsages and hair wreaths and other floral decorations.  Thursday I will purchase the flowers and food.  Friday will be last minute house and yard work and family and friends coming in.  Hopefully I can get the flowers for our hair done then also.  Saturday the cakes will come and I will add the flowers to it and then have a cover dish luncheon with a wedding .......and cake...... and champagne...........and pink lemonade............and flowers.

Back into the thick of wedding plans.  Bug's parents should be back in a couple of days.  They are spending a little time with Aunt Doris while I recover from the WMDs.  I am handling things fine, but I do need a lot of sit down and quiet time.  I am tired, but I always am these first couple of days.  Partly because I do not sleep well on the steroids, and despite the promises of the nurse, the roids do not increase my appetite.  Quiet the opposite.  But all in all I am able to get up and get some things done, and that felt good.  I am resting more though.  A little rest and a little work that is the balance to be met.  Hmmmm, I guess that is a good idea for any day of the week.

Well, off to get some things taken care of, and to get my big book shelf in the living room emptied and cleaned, maybe even get the carpet vacuumed under it.  That woud be a very good idea.  It is cold.  Just wrong, wrong cold here.  My flowers in the yard are drooping under the cold, and it is supposed to get even colder tomorrow night.  I don't like the cold.  This is don't leave the house cold.  And for all of you living in the frigid north.  I realize that you are dealing with much worse temperatures, but I could not live there.  So I can whine all I want.

I don't like cold.
But I am still so happy snuggled up with my honey inside the house, staying warm.