Sittin On A Porch

Sittin On A Porch
Our little back porch

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I have had such an interesting last couple of days.  I have gotten to talk on the phone with my cousins, Ned and Cara.  Then Cara sent me photos of their older brother and then photos of his two beautiful children.  It is such a gift to have contact again with people who were an important part of your life once.  Then to hear their voices and they sound happy.  The email photos of their kids.  How special is that?  

And to be focused on spending time with friends and family over the upcoming holiday.  And to know that some of my friends have made plans for the holidays and they will be celebrating Christmas their way.  And it looks like it is shipping to the end of a good year.  I realize it is just the first day of December, but it feels different.  I wouldn't say that people sound exactly excited about the upcoming holidays, they seem resigned.  Rather then complaining already, they have reached a sort of accepting resignation.  I think this has been such a hard year for so many people that we can deal with all the work and anxieties of the holidays just to get this year over.  Just to start a new year, and maybe, just maybe this next year our elected officials might learn how to work together, the economy might settle down, gas prices might not go insane, there might be world peace.  OK, so I got carried away, but to quote Owen, "maybe".  I am not sure that any of us have total confidence in any of that, but we can hope.  yes, let us all hope.  

I have still not recovered from wearing myself out.  I feel just as worn down and exhausted as I did yesterday or a week ago.  And the biggest problem about being tired is that I am not happy.  I can tell that I am too tired to be happy.  And I miss happy.  I want to find my happy again.  I have a lot of things to deal with over the next couple of weeks, mostly with my finances, and between being tired and the stress of dealing with that, and well, just a lot of things, I am miss my happy.

Yesterday I straightened the house a bit, made a pot of veggie soup and a lovely salad and had lunch with a new friend from the play.  Louise was the understudy for Margaret Johnson and I enjoyed getting to know her during the play and it is nice to have a new friend.  We had a very enjoyable afternoon and ate and then sat around and talked and talked.  So most of the day was spent sitting around, but I had a hard time falling asleep, and then woke up early this morning. 

And no matter how hard I tried to get up and get going, I never made it.  I tried to sleep but couldn't sleep.  I did nothing today.  This morning when I woke up it was cold and crunchy white frost covered everything.  It did warm up into a clear bright blue day.  Truly lovely and beautiful.  It was warm enough to go outside, but I spent most of my day sitting in my red chair, the dogs fast asleep around me.  

I called and talked to Jan and Pete this afternoon.  I didn't really have anything to say, I just wanted to hear their voices.  Pete sounded tired.  Jan sounded OK, anxious, but there.  She is absolutely there and aware of every breath that Pete struggles to take.  They are an amazing couple.  

I also spoke to Spat this morning and I will be heading down to Weeki Wachi for a couple of days to help Spat.  He had back surgery this morning.  I could not go down there and help him if it wasn't for Judy and Denise.  They will help to keep an eye out for the animals.  And that is such a relief for me.  I appreciate it so very much.  And because they are there for me, I can be there for Spat and Colleen.  It really does take a village, not just to raise a child, but to have humanity.  We each do for each other.  We each give what we can give to those we can give to, with the gifts we have to give.  And it we each do our small part, the we will all do just fine. 

I remember when I was very young it was a time of sayings.  Some of my favorites, if I may paraphrase them, Unless we all move forward, no one moves forward;  If you are a street cleaner then be the best street cleaner you can be;  go gently among the earth........; you can not judge another person until you have walked a mile in his moccasins........ and so on.  All of them were about respecting each other, taking care of each other, taking pride in yourself, thinking about what you do and the consequences of your actions, not judging, comparing or competing against each other.  My wonderful and precious yoga teacher, who I miss dearly, not having made it to yoga this week, always starts our class with that statement, "take this time to give to yourself and appreciate that you have taken this time for yourself.  Put away all comparisons, judgment and competition."  Words are so powerful.  Hearing her saying that, and then rolling my shoulders up back and down, I feel the stress start to slip away from me, and I am grateful for the time to give a little yoga to myself.  

I think I will go to bed.  Shoot, it is dark, it is after 7.  I can go to bed.  Good night, y'all

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