Saturday night, I wore the headsets for the first act, then handed them off to Jan for the second act. I was tired, no excuse, I was trying to remember my new notes, no excuse, I just lost my mind, not an excuse, but what can I say?!?!!! I get into place. I hold the bucket with the tincan ankle, I make sure that the tincan necklace is in the correct position for Tim to grab up and wrap around his neck. My first entrance I walk in with Tim who is wearing the tincans and has a bucket on his head. As soon as I stepped out on stage I realized that I did not have on my hat or my rain jacket. So there I stand in the beautiful Ranger's outfit, with a brown handlebar mustache and a brown beard that is a little shaggy and scruffy and my glowing silver hair. In the light it shined out like a spot light. I felt naked even though I am fully clothed. I feel like I have let everyone down, and there is nothing to do, but get through the lines and just do the best I can with the faupaux I have already set into motion. I sped through my lines a little fast, I just could not wait to get off that stage. I made my exit and as I walked up to Jan she says, "Melissa said you forgot your hat." I laughed and told her that I was very aware of it, but the lanuage in my head at been a lot more harsh then I forgot my hat and coat. There was very bad language going on in my head about my simple mistake that no one in the audience knew. Of course, it was easier to see that Ranger Don was not a man, and that I was playing him. And my hair was not combed and I look rather bizzare, but the play is a slapstick farce, so people just thought that was the way the play was supposed to go, and that the rest of the cast were somehow not able to see how fake I looked
That is one of the great things about fake believe. The audience for the most part is sitting there cheering you one to entertain them. They want the actors to be successful because they want to enjoy the show and have fun and memories of the unique experience of live theater.
For my second entrance, oh yes, I had on my coat and my hat, and I did get all of my lines, but not in any order that made the same sense as if I had said them correctly in order. Again, I raced off the stage. Everyone is allowed an off night, and you just hope that it is not everyone's night the same night, so that we can support each other. And everyone else did seem to have a good night. I am just grateful that I have 5 more chances to do this part and you can bet I will be prepared. I will wear my hat and coat, be on spot for my entrances, and that my lines will be correct and in the correct order. sigh. This is why I do not like to be on the stage, I hate letting the rest of the cast/crew down. I know none of them feel like I have let anyone down, and that the audience had no idea about my mistakes, butI have the smallest part and some how that seems to require me to do my part perfectly. With only about 30 lines and about 15 minutes of board time there is no excuse not to get things right. No excuse.
After the show, the Director said she thought that overall the show on Saturday night was the best yet. That is how small a part I have, that when I pull the biggest fau paux that my part can do, it doesn't affect the overall show performance. sigh, that should be a big relief. But no one likes to make mistakes, especially on stage. Rich and Angie were both in the audience, and they said they loved the show, and did not see any mistakes. That is the best part of being on stage, is making the audience happy. Regardless of any mistakes, that they do not even know about.
Sunday as we all know, was the change back to standard time. Why is it that we struggle with this change of a random desigination of linear action? Maybe because some of us live our lives knowing the time by the set of the sun, that we know our placement on the planet because we know the compass headings. Because we know where the ocean or the gulf lies in connection to our homes. That we know which direction the water flows in the creek or the river........well, unless you are on the St. John's River, which flows "backwards". I think I remember something about it being one of only two rivers in the northern hemisphere that flow north instead of south. I know when we took a bike ride to Astor one time and ate in a restaurant on the St. John's it almost made us nauseaous with the water flowing backwards.
Is that why our scientist and mathematicians feel the need to write down their theories and their equations laying out the laws of the universe. To give us constants in an ever changing world. To give us clear rules to feel confident as we hurl through an expanding universe, riding through this journey in space on this big blue/green/brown/purple/orange/red/yellow almost ball like shaped planet. To know that gravity will keep us from flying off this multi colored globe. That 2 will come after 1, that "0" means zero, and that is significant. That the planets soar around the star we call the sun. That for every action there is an equal and opposit reaction; energy can not be created or destroyed, but can only change forms.
And so when they make these little "tweaks" into our lives, thank you Mr. Benjamin Franklin, they are messing with our constants. We all know that time is not constant. Mr. Einstein took a lot of time and equations to show the relativity of time to people and objects. About our observations, so it should be just so easy to move an hour this way or that. But no, it is never quite that easy. Spring is worse for most of us, because we "loose that hour". Fall should be better, but as the days grow shorter and colder and the seasons seem more dramatic, this simple adjustment to when we get up and go to work or how much light there is in connection to energy use, does affect us. Dramatically as now when we wake up the sun is in such a different place and when we come home at night, it is darker, and soon it will be dark when we come home. Such is winter, cold, dark, dreary........
But it is glorious here, the sky so blue. I don't remember the ske being this blue before I had cancer. Oh, that is because I was always in a car driving to an inspection or in an office eyes glued to a computer screen. Now I have time to watch the light play tag with the shadows. To look up into a clear perfetly blue sky so endless you can see the moon.
I must get ready now to go to see the amazing Dr. M. He is going to give me the good news that the scan does not show any new growth of cancer. That his weapons of mass destruction, that argue with my intenstenal track, that take my emotions and make me crazy, insane, weepy and emotional. But these same drugs have saved my life. They give me another day of blue skies. And really, a few days a month of stomach trouble, not so bad. Many people deal with this on a daily basis. And ok, emotional insanity, but now I know that exercises help with that.
Really, how lucky I am. How many gifts I have been given, in friends, in the magic of my labrun, in my kitchen as I bake cookies or cupcakes for those I love. For glorious weather like today. To drive to the lovely little town of Thomasville to see the amazing Dr. M. His sweet and innocent smile. His intelligent eyes, his silly sense of humor, and his clear direct kind ways he talks to me. For my family that gives me people who look like me, who have similiar memories as I. For my sister Vicki and my other sister Sioux. And did I mention that I have so many wonderful dear talented friends, and I get to play with them, quite literally, "play" with them. And be a part of this timeless town of Southern hospalitity. For the love of my children, Harry, Bob and Ednarose, and the cats and the dear chickens and rabbits and fish. Ednarose was "playiing" with John C. Bennett, my rooster, the other day. John did not see it as playing, but more as bullying. He had rounded up all the hens into the safe box in the coop. This was the old rabbit hutch and it is a smart place for the chickens. It is very easy to protect all of the hens in it because it only has one entrance. John had drawn Edna away from his girls and was now hiding in the horse stall with Edna barking behind and nipping at his lovely tail feathers. I could hear her, "Play with me, come out and lets run and play" I could hear him, "please leave me alone, please take those big teeth and go away." I picked up John C and he relaxed in my arms and laid his rooster head on my chest. I walked around the yard cooing sweet assurances to him, he responded with noises that sounded like, "oh it was so scary" "oh mom, it was terrible, those teeth" and I stroked him and told him how proud I was of him. I glared at Ednarose and chased her away from the chickens. I think there was someone in that wood pile. She is not acting like a lab. sigh. But John c was so sweet. Yes, there are sweet roosters. Ms Moon has Elvis and I now have John C. Jefferson, my old rooster was not this sweet, but he was a good kind rooster.
For lunch and dinner, I have Indian food from my visit with Janak, Geeta and Baa yesterday where they made me lunch, we molded soap and spent time together. They are so dear. They gave me the newspaper article about my foley work beautifully framed.
Maybe I will finally get to see Jessie while she is down visiting her family. I know they miss that girl. I do. And how lucky can one be. The weather is warming and I am heading out the door to start my day. It looks late, but that is the time change. I wish I could teach the dogs daylight savings time. They just refuse to adjust. Makes you wonder about us big brains.
Have a lovely day, I will and so many wonderful opportuntities.