cold snaps and brain snaps

Thursday night did not get down as cold as they predicted, naturally.  They always try to prepare us for the worse.  I had moved my tropicals from the front porch into the house because they can not take temps below 50 degrees and so would have been killed Thursday night even though it only got to the low 40s. 

Friday morning I awoke to beautiful sunshine and cool temperatures that they warned us would never get much past 60 degrees and they were right, I think the warmest I saw was 62 degrees.  Jan and I set up the tables for the dinner for Friday night and then I put down the top and drove to Tallahassee to meet my dear friend Melissa for our birthday lunch.  Our birthday was on the 22nd of October, but since I was being cautious about how I celebrated and with the play and her life, we just did not have the time to get together until yesterday.  She looked as beautiful as always and just as precious.  I am very fond of this young woman.  I connect Colin to her.  He was crazy about her and she about him and being with her always makes me feel a little closer to him.  I sure miss him. 

Sin, Sex and the CIA was written by Michael and Susan Parker, the same people who wrote, Sex Please, We're 60.  Colin was the star of that show.  I may be credited with directing and Judy and Denise as the Stage Manager and Props person.  There were six extremely talented actors in that play, but when I think of it, I think of Colin.  He did the big work with Jack in building the set, and he was the center of the play.  Everyone played off of Colin and he took all of us to places that we will never forget and will be a part of our hearts forever.  We are all thinking of Colin right now.  Some are dreaming of him, others just can't get him off their mind.  Maybe he has taken a minute from from his busy existence wherever he is, to tell us all hello, that he is thinking of us.  I have lost so many dear ones in my life this past year and honestly I think of Colin and my ex husband all the time.  

Mellisa and I had a wonderful lunch at Panera's.  We sat outside in the sunshine and we talked and laughed.  She gently chided me on how little I ate.  I ate all of my salad, some of the scone and a bite of my mac and cheese, but I guess it wasn't that much.  But it was all I wanted. 

After lunch, I drove over to the Hobby Lobby.  Judy and Denise had given me a gift certificate to this heaven to any crafter.  Mellisa had kindly told me the yarn was in the rear left corner which was a very good thing, because I had limited time, and as soon as you walk in to the store any latent ADS you might have, comes out in full blown disability.  Your eyes shoot back and forth, it is impossible to focus on any one thing.  Your eyes just blur with the color and smells, texture and variety.  You are sucked into the world of every craft imaginable.  Christmas, thank goodness was to the right, so I turned left, put my head down and almost ran to the back left corner.  I did notice that by the time I got there, I had managed to put a few things in my cart.  How did that happen?  I needed the Christmas lights, which I plan to use as a way to keep the temperatures up around my plants that I can not cover or move.  And I love acorns.  I collect all things acorn, and there was a new one for my collection, lovingly placed in a safe spot in my cart.  I picked out some new yarn I have never seen before and it looks like a good choice to show Tiffany at the play how to knit a scarf with it.  I also picked up the material I needed to sew a couple of yoga mat bags.  I thought I would make one for myself and one for my yoga instructor.  I love Hobby and Lobby.  It is in a very convenient location to get to, right off of I-10 and I am sure that the next time I go in, I will be able to just drive myself crazy with all the things there I must have.

After leaving craft heaven I headed over to Esposito's to get my pansies.  I really wanted to get violas, or as we call them here, Johnny Jump ups, but they were 16.99 a flat, where the pansies were $9.88 a flat.  I eat my violets, and it is easier to use Johnny jump ups in a salad or to sugar, but I will make do with the pansies and make them work.  I love their big sweet friendly faces.  The variety of colors, some flowers are ruffled, others flat, and the best part is that they can give me greens and flower heads for salads all winter long and well into the spring.  They also allow me to put spots of color into my winter garden and then to sugar some to decorate cakes and other sweets.

Now, with my trunk starting to fill up with lovely treasures from Hobby Lobby and now Espositos.  Not to forget the rest of my scone, mac and cheese and bread for the chickens from lunch at Panera's.  I was feeling pretty special.  I headed for the mall.  I had a gift card at the Godiva Store and I wanted to pick up some chocolate turkeys to slip onto the Thanksgiving table between the flowers and the acorn salt/pepper shakers and all of the table food.  Some food on Thanksgiving I leave in the kitchen, but the cranberry sauces, and the olives and pickles, the fresh baked rolls, and a couple of other things go on the table.  The bulk of the food stays in the kitchen on the stove.  The dogs will spend the meal out in the pasture.  I will give them the neck as a treat, after I have cooked it to get some of the goodness from it to go into the gravy, but the neck itself goes to the puppies. 

When I walked into the Godiva store, Chase looked up and smiled and said, "You look great, and here you are!  I was getting worried that things were not going well for you since I haven't seen you here in a while."  I smiled back at this sweet young man.  He started there as a part time job and was one of the first "strangers" I announced that I had just found out I had cancer.  He gave me extra chocolates for my announcement.  Now, Chase is the Manager, and he proudly pointed at his tag and exclaimed, "This is my store now."  I was so proud of him, and admit that I will be in again for Christmas chocolates. 

As I left Godiva with my gold bag overflowing with foiled chocolate turkeys, a box of mixed chocolates, a Halloween bag with a witch for Vicki filled with chocolate pieces, I thought, well, here I am at the mall, I should look for a few stocking stuffers and see if I can find something for the last couple of people I still need to take care of.  I looked over the rail to the food court and the masses of humanity buzzed and moved below.  Elbow to elbow, crowded together like bees in a hive, the sound reminiscent also of a crowded hive.  Just at the moment, my stomach clenched up on me, and said, "GET OUT"......."NOW!"  and I did.  I thought about stopping in one of the mall bathrooms, but that would mean having to get closer to all of those people.  My stomach clenched again, and I decided to take the chance of getting home rather then trying to get down the stairs find the rest room, and very possibly wait in a line in an unclean smelly crowded tight, close room.  Just those thoughts were enough to send me almost running to the car.

I made it home with much difficulty, but I did it.  And spent the rest of the time until I had to leave for the play last night, hoping that I would be able to figure out how I was going to do this.  The stomach issue is nothing compared to such a lovely day.  A car full of pansies, chocolates, crafts supplies,  and mac and cheese.  A lovely day, errands ran, time spent in town with a friend and then back at home.

 I got my things together and headed to the Opera House, stopping first to pick up a few things to snack on back stage for the cast and crew.  It was cold back stage and it smelled like something had died right under the table where we put the food.  ugh!  They moved the food over to another spot.  The show went very well.  The crowd was small, hardly to call a crowd, but they were a happy laughing bunch and we all had fun doing the show last night.  Marcy had a cold and no voice, so thankfully she had an understudy.  We do not generally have understudies, and thankfully the one we had could step in and take Marcy's part.  Marcy is wonderful in the part, but Louise is also wonderful.  Marcy is more of a dramatic actress, but is really quite funny.  Louise is an over the top funny, and it is so much fun getting to work with both of these ladies. 

About half way through the second act and my stomach grabbed and clenched my attention again.  Oh no, this was one of the reasons I was not sure I should take a part in a play.  But like earlier in the afternoon I was able to hang on and make it through the show, but then when everyone else was settling into the post show circle, I was running to the door.  I excused myself, everyone understand completely and raced home.  I did not get to bed for over an hour and half while my stomach argued at me and took its revenge for trying to ignore it as long as I had.  But I was home and so, not that big of a deal.  But I am tired and will lay down to rest for a couple of hours now.

I went up to the Opera House this morning and met with Jack and Jan to set tables, we quickly completed the task, picked up 10 more day lilies that Jan had picked up for me.  I had planned on getting outside in the sunshine and planting them along with a couple of the pansies, but instead my friend from Delaware called and we got to spend a little time together laughing and smiling and catching up.  It is nice to have people in our lives, even if they are so very far away, that make us smile.  Sometimes I think that making someone smile is nicer maybe then making someone laugh.  I love to laugh, but smiles come for lots of reasons, where laughing is often for a funny story or a joke or something unexpected pops up.  A smile is a joy, a moment of gratefulness and or pleasure;  it is love and friendship, it is about feeling good inside, where laughter is wonderful because it is the joy or happiness bursting out.

I also had a lovely talk this morning with the precious Ms Moon.  We discussed the rogue Jack Russell Terrier that I think was Ednarose's father.  I have talked about the rogue Jack Russell terriers in past posts.  They are something that always makes me smile and think of both Ms Moon and Ms Judy.  Then we discussed the damage to our yards from what appears to be a giant prehistoric armadillo.  They have one of these giant creatures at the FL Museum of Natural History in Tallahassee.  It is amazing.  About the size of a modern day hippo or giant boar, great hulking tanks that lived millennium ago.  But as we compared sizes of holes, not divots in the yard, we can come up with no other option, the giant armadillo.  Also on her way home last night from the Opera House, Ms Moon had seen something large in the road.  Something brown and big as a big dear, but maybe a big dog, but very big.........or could it be a prehistoric giant armadillo?   I mean the whole in my yard with the foot prints not of my dogs, but as big as the biggest holes they have ever managed to create.  Is it that the grubs have burrowed deeper to get away from the cold that we had last night?  Is this a sign of a colder winter?  The fact that the grubs are digging deeper?  Or is it just that the giant prehistoric armadillo by virtue or its giant claws just digs deeper?  I am not so sure that I may not be awaken one night as the trailer shifts.  The armadillo that digs in my yard lives under my trailer.  I am just saying, that if it is a giant prehistoric armadillo, it is going to have to dig a bigger hole to get out from under my house.

Well, just watched the Gators loose.  I am not so sure about this new coach.  He held on to timeouts wayyyyyyyyy tooooo long today.  We didn't have a shot at coming back with how badly he managed the time.  I know he is new, but he is not impressing me. 

Hopefully by getting some rest I will not have to deal with the stomach issues this evening.  I could use a break for a couple of days in that area.  But all in all, what an amazing life I have.  It is warming up, I have had the opportunity to talk to friends, and I have treasures all around the house and the yard.  I have friends just a phone call away and now I have time to rest and prepare to get to play again tonight with friends.  sigh, warm sunshine, birds singing, puppies sleeping spread out through the yard.  I think I will do a little yoga and stretch out a bit before I go to bed, and then nap for a few hours. 

This is not how we think life with stage 4 lung cancer will be.  Doing plays, spending time with friends, looking forward to gardening and planting lovely flowers that will be enjoyed all winter in the garden with their happy faces, then in salads and preserved with sugar to decorate cakes and eaten like sweet crunchy chips.  I have watered most of my plants, helping to make sure they survive last night's cold snap.  A life filled with standing up in the sunshine or stretching over into downward facing dog, in a quiet room with soft music and friends around all doing the same movement in a dance inside ourselves as well as in the positive energy of the group.  The Instructor lovingly supportive calling out positions.  sigh, this is not so bad.  Nope, this life with cancer is not so bad.