I feel good. Okay, I am tired, but tired from doing too much, not tired of life. Harry, my 14 year old is getting tired of life. Last night when I talked to my Dad, I said, "I'm so tired.' His response was that he also was tired, but not in the same way. No, it can not be from Dad doing too much. His back will not let him. He is bent over like a question mark. He is in pain every moment of every day. Bless his heart he just keeps getting up every morning and tries to live his life. Would he have more life if he was in a nursing facility? Maybe, but the process of getting him into one might break him. And to try to talk to him and discuss the situation is impossible. He is not able to understand any longer. His mind no longer runs based on logic. I love my Dad. I know my brothers do also, and everyone is trying so hard to give him as he wishes, stay in his own home. But this is a terrible burden on them, but they are trying to do it all to keep him where he wants to be.
My dream is not completely perfect, my Dad is tired, and I could loose him while I am gone on one of the trips I am getting ready to take. I was as prepared as possible for the Spanish trip if he did not make it home. My Dad is 87, and his bones are more arthritis then true bone, but he has led an amazing life. Some of this arthritis is probably from all the football he played. He played in High School, in the Army Air Corp and then in college. He was an athlete and he took a lot of hits. But for every hit he took then, it is a story now. A happy memory of a life filled with so much happiness and joy and living.
Maybe that is why my brothers and I give into my Dad's wishes. Maybe that is why as hard as it for everyone at this moment with my Dad, including Dad, that we can do what we are doing.
And I am having the most amazing summer. Each day is so full that I can not squeeze another moment in. Yesterday Christopher and I headed into Tallahassee and spent 3 hours touring the new and old capital. We picked up records and papers, books and brochures. We talked to the people at the information desks. They were very pleasant and helpful. They were knowledgeable and generous with their knowledge. Christopher soaked in the information and did a fine fine job of asking questions, working on scavenger sheets and thinking about what our government is all about. He is working on his Citizenship merit badge for his boy scouts.
After checking out each nook and cranny of the capitols we walked over to the Tallahassee City Hall to look at the quilt show. My friend Jeanne Brennan once again made my favorite quilt. It was covered with white chickens all chasing one lone green caterpillar. To a chicken collector it was wonderful! From City Hall we walked over to the Museum of Florida History and concluded our tour of downtown Tallahassee, government and the history of Florida. Time to make some history ourselves.
We drove Thomasville to the Goodwill, Monday is 50% of clothes. Families are doing their back to school shopping and the goodwill was packed. We managed to find a couple of great shirts but that was all. We had lunch and got to see the announcement that Bobby Bowden has now been named the most winningest college football coach of all times right now. Congratulations FSU football.
After refueling and filling a little more perky again we were ready to face another Goodwill. Well, until we drove into the parking lot and realized that not only were there no parking spots, but cars will parked in the grass and in any spot where a car could fit. I looked at Christopher and said, "No Way!" so we drove over to Wally world. We picked up some clothes he needs for our vacation this week, we wandered around the store wearing out. Okay I wore out, he slowed a bit, but that was all.
OB spent the day at the Hirschon Art Gallery in DC. He messaged photos of statues of chickens at the gallery. They were very cool. I messaged him a photo of the chicken quilt.
We had left the house a little before 10 am and we got home at almost 7 pm. I know because at Wally world I bought a new watch. Yep, a new Timex. Takes a licken, keeps on ticken
Today Christopher and I will work around the house, take the garbage up to the dump and start packing our bags. We will play and find fun things to do. We will do some yoga and he will drive us in the golf cart up to McD's this evening when it is cooler to get some sweet tea. We will get ready to leave tomorrow. We will look at maps and make hotel reservations. We will laugh and talk about what we will do on the trip and try to live each moment as they come along.
We will spend time with Susan and Jim and Jim. We will even get to drive north part way to VT to see Annie. We will get to go through the Mark Twain house, we will be in CT, New England, a world apart from the south. An adventure into a new world for Christopher.
And then we will head to NJ and pick up OB. I am so excited. We talk and message, but it is not the same as looking into that beautiful face. Into those deep intense eyes, so filled with intelligence and life and humor. I can't wait to have those strong brown arms hugging me close to his heart. He is visiting his kids and grand kids right now. He is visiting friends and enjoying his life and travelling.
I am so happy to be getting in the toy with Christopher and heading north and driving and driving and driving. Spending time together, out on the road, the top down, miles running past our feet, sky above and new adventures around the next bend.
And so much more in my life to be happy about. Maybe before OB and I head out on our cross country tour, maybe we will go to the Spirit of the Suwanee Music Park for the concert to raise money in support of those damaged right here in the pan handle of Florida during tropical store Debby. So many things to choose from, so much life to life. Time for the beach, time to spend with precious beloved ones, time to spend travelling, the road beneath my feet.
Yes, my life feels like a dream. Some parts so unreal and scary, other parts so vivid and alive. So please, don't pinch me, let me get dreaming this wonderful dream I am living. Where cancer is part of who I am. It makes me a tire easier, but it does not stop me. It does not stop my dreams. It inspires me to be more, do more. It can not take away from me.
Oh, Christopher is ready for our morning walk and maybe even breakfast at McDs. His piano lessons are coming along great. His merit badge in progress. His sweet face with those big blue eyes and those long lashes, a smile ready to break out on his boy lips. Such joy to have so many wonderful people, things and moments in my life.
Off we go to start another day, so filled with potential.