Sittin On A Porch

Sittin On A Porch
Our little back porch

Monday, September 27, 2010

What was I thinking

Friday they told us we would have to empty all of our file cabinets and separate the records older then 6 years old to be shredded and then box up the records less then 6 years old to be stored in the warehouse until their date of shredding. This is a huge physical task for my 4 staff in Tallahassee.  And the largest part of this project falls on the shoulders of my 3 regular staff.  So Friday, today and tomorrow I am handling the phones, doing the daily data entry, scanning and writing of correspondence as well as the need to do items for my own job.  We all worked hard today.  I had pizza delivered for lunch.  I was afraid that with the pressure of the time frame not to mention the sheer physical work that they might leave for lunch and not come back.   Tomorrow it will be subs from Publix or chicken from Zaxby's.  They are a great staff, but I haven't worked more then 10 - 8 hour days in 6 months, and you know what?  My stamina is not what it used to be.  Ok, I am tired, tired to the bone.  literally, to the bone.  No, the shin splint feeling is gone, thank goodness, but it left an over all feeling of exhaustion.  My legs feel exhausted, my arms, but moving around and doing things seems to help, so I try not to sit around and do nothing, but to stay active.  And today I was active.  I wanted to go to the Stage Company Board meeting, but by the end of the day I had worn myself down to the point of having stomach problems.  And I have to be there tomorrow.  We need to get this project down by tomorrow at the close of work.  Will we make it?  I don't know, but they will have enough done that we will be able to finish on Wednesday f we have to.  They will just have to wait if we don't get it done.  We are working as fast as we can.  

So I am tired, but I still managed to make it for an 8 hour work day.  Ok, granted it was really pushing it, but I was able to do it.  And I can do it again tomorrow.  I will be tired, but I can do it.  Then on Wednesday chemo treatment 3.  That is right, this is only treatment 3.  How can I already have so many different side effects and feel so tired with just 2 treatments.  And I will rest on Thursday and depending on how I feel on Friday we will see what I will do.  And bring on the side effects.  They aren't fun, but they sort of go with the journey, and as much as they take a lot of energy and focus to deal with.  Afterwards though I feel like I have survived, I am strong and I can do this.  After all, all of these side effects including the exhaustion, the aches, stomach problems, etc. are temporary, passing, I am going to be around long after they are gone.  I hate to focus on the end of the journey, but when it comes to the side effects, it does help to keep it all in perspective.

So another long day tomorrow and then chemo.  Funny all I do for chemo is sit in a recliner and let them feel my veins with premeds and then WMDs.  Doesn't seem that should be so hard, but I guess filling your veins with these mad chemicals is harder on my system then it would seem.  And I will stay with the Moons on Wednesday night, and Ms Moon will be so sweet and care giving.  Just what you need after chemo.  And Ms Moon and Judy will be there at the hospital with me, watching over me.  Yes, it is starting to get harder, but with all the beloveds I have surrounding me, I know that this journey is so much easier then what so many other people have.  I still feel lucky, tired, but so very very lucky.


  1. And I still wish like hell you weren't going through it. Your spirit is more accepting than mine and I realize that's all there is to it. One of the things I love the most about you.
    Try so very hard not to push it tomorrow and I will see you on Wednesday and we will all rest quietly, in a manner of speaking.
    Love you so...Mary

  2. You have a great attitude. I hope all goes well with the WMD today.

  3. I'm here from Ms Moon's blog Kathleen and humbled to read about your struggles with chemo, when I've been grizzling over a broken leg. All these things are relative, but some more relative than others.

    It's good to meet you. I shall travel with you now for the continuation of your journey. I'm sure we will meet others along the way.

  4. You, Ms. Moon and Judy are such beautiful friends. I am thinking about you, wishing and praying for healing.