Sittin On A Porch

Sittin On A Porch
Our little back porch

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Eye lashes

I have eye lashes.  I am not really sure when they grew back,  but a few weeks ago I had no eye lashes at all.  None, Nada, bald blank looking eye lids.  And today, I have dark, long soft eye lashes.  Not necessarily movie star thick lashes, but I have plenty of them and they are as pretty as when I was 21.  And when I was 21 I had no idea I was pretty, but I knew that I had pretty eye lashes.  I was told that all the time.  I had not remembered that until yesterday when I was trying to brighten up my pale face and there they were.  sigh.  it made me happy.  it made me feel a little pretty.

And Friday night my friend Sioux come to visit.  We have not see each other for 4 1/2 years.  We had been the dearest of friends, sisters really for 20 years.  Our lives had an eerie parallel for as different our early lives had been.  And yet the first time we talked at a biker party standing in the parking lot with the group of people she knew better then I did, but did not really fit in any better then I had.  We had become fast friends.  We have dear beloved friends coming from those days, but lets face it, not everything that comes with the biker culture is the most positive experience.  But we had quickly become very close and for 20 years every important event in either of lives, good or bad, was shared between us.  We have 20 years of shared laughter and tears, joy, challenges, children, grandchildren, loss, and growing and aging and learning to love ourselves.  

And after not seeing her for 4 1/2 years it was more then like we had just talked last week.  Here again our lives had eerie parallels with divorces that wouldn't take and challenges that we never thought we would be facing.  I have to say that I am happier to have her back in my life as we each deal with these challenges.  Sioux lost a beloved granddaughter to cancer within the last year.  And now I see the fierceness of her spirit as she looks at me and wills the cancer in me to not mess with her.  She will not tolerate this.  And as much as I am accepting that I have this cancer, I recognize that protective fierceness.  I have seen it in my closest and dearest beloved ones.  Maybe that is why I can be so accepting of this.  I know that I have the fiercest creatures in the world in my corner.  Friends.  Friends that I love as fiercely.  Friends that hate my cancer more fiercely then I do.  Friends who love me fiercely.

And after a quick drive around Monticello and then Thomasville with lunch at George and Louie's we came home and sat on the couch and yarned.  That is something that Sioux and I used to do back in Lee County, craft.  Tie dye, ribbon embroidery, painting classes, rain sticks, wreaths, Christmas ornaments, soap.  She helped me the most with Spoonbillspices.  And we started the Mother, daughter, girls, ladies camping trips with our beloved Sarah who died of stomach cancer many years ago now.  And there we sat and yarned.  Making scarves on the knitting board.  Thank you again Ms Judy for giving us the term, "Yarning"  it is perfect.

And this morning we had breakfast and talked and then stopped at the church of the bat shit crazy, and I swear it was like Sioux and Mary had been friends forever.  They just fit together, their laughter sang sweet harmony with the quiet melodious words sliding across the room as if they had danced together in that space before.  We ate Ms Moon pancakes in our hands.  Their light moist flavors punctuated with the sharpness of blueberry.  I felt so peaceful and loved and protected.  Mr. Moon passing through in out as he looked in on his deer.  His gentle smile passing across each of our faces.

And then just as quietly she slipped into her car and was gone.  But I have her back.  We had almost lost each other.  Each of us holds a tentative string across the miles to each other.  Waiting to see.  That is the hard part.  Not just giving up and letting someone go, but stepping back and holding on to that thread hoping that somehow, the string will tug at your heart and you will look up and find them right there.  Right where they belong.  Right where you had always hoped you would see them.  Just like pretty eye lashes.  Staring open eyed right at you, fierce and loving.  And you look around your heart and you see so many faces there with that same fierce love.  And it does not feel like you have added to your life, as much as balanced it again.  That another little piece that should have been there, was right where it belonged again.

And yesterday I received a package from Ms Kim in North Carolina.  A Penzeys spice, oooooh, Raspberry Enlightenment.  Ms Kim says it is particularly amazing on veggies.  I can't wait to try it.  I will also want to play around with a little Dijon, olive oil and different vinegars and maybe a splash lemon for a salad dressing.  It smells wonderful.

And at Ms Moon's I got another gift!!!!  Ms Lis of Lis and Lon fame had made me the most lovely ribbon pin out of mauve and green and gold and I pinned it on my green wool sweater and it is perfect.  Oh, I love presents!  I love ribbons.

Thank you dear sweet friends!!!  


  1. This may be one of the most beautiful things you have ever written, darling. I swear. Perfect. Like your eye-lashes which I, in my complete and utter inability to notice things, did not even realize you'd lost.
    Ah lah.
    It was so sweet to meet Souix, like I said- a woman I have always known somehow. I felt like she is one of my nest mates.
    Isn't it odd how many blessings this cancer has brought? I could only say that to you and know that it would be understood completely.
    As much love.

  2. I liked reading about your eyelashes and your friend being there. How awesome to have those who love you that fiercely. That is the best present of all. Good luck with your chemo.

  3. Congratulations on the eyelashes!

    You're doing so many good things.