I loved really feeling free. That I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I had woke up so tired this morning. It is like all the exhaustion of worry about treatments caught up with me and I woke tired. My mind was ready to get going. I have been given this gift of feeling well and not having any treatments to think about for another month or so. That is my new normal. Live maniac for 4 weeks and then try and cram the last week or so to get ready for treatments. But I was just too tired today. I sat on the couch and after a while I just needed to get up, get out. So while Bug cleaned the boat I worked on pillow cases in my little spot in the barn. I have about 30 new ones cut out. I am enjoying having such a brainless project to work on that stretches my imagination in combining the materials.
I had dug a few more potatoes this morning, but I had a wave of nausea flow over me that sent me out of the garden and into the house for water and to cool off. It was not hot. In fact the temps look like upper 60 and lower 90s to upper 80s for highs this week. The humidity is less than 50% and that is absolutely perfect weather. So I worked on a few things in the house and then sewed. Getting things accomplished without stressing myself. And so many times during the day and I was happy what I had got accomplished. I was happy to have gotten up and went out to the barn. There is so much that needs to be done, weeding, watering, replanting, cleaning, stripping bamboo, just on and on and on. But you know what? I am fine with that. I will get done what I get done. And I do no not feel guilt. My main go to emotion, guilt. Hmmm, nope, I did not feel guilty once today. I can not say that very often. But I felt the contentment, the feeling of peace being and doing exactly as I should be. I can't say that I have that many days where I can say I felt that.
And tomorrow is Friday. MAD Co is having its ribbon cutting and I hear the cake is supposed to be wonderful. Tomorrow night is the Waukeenah Methodist Mullet Fry. Oh yeah, I am ready. And the last big thing on my calendar for tomorrow is opening night of Little Shop of Horror. I have trained the girls, they know what to do when it comes to the makeup. I have faith in them. I can't wait to go see it. I have never actually seen the entire production, so I am looking forward to that. Plus I absolutely adore most of the cast and crew doing this show.
Nothing important today. No big epiphanies, just a small realization how happy I am. Feeling fine, other then being tired. Still feeling things, but not getting chemo doesn't mean I am better. It just means that my health is holding and there is no reason to take a chance affecting that for a treatment that will not cure anything. My best cure? Just being happy. Throwing the ball for Bob. Making sun tea for Bug. The smell of onions, mushrooms and garlic as I made sauce for dinner tonight. Hugging Edna and seeing how much she has grown up this last year. Scratching Henry's head. Throwing grapes to the chickens. Spending a day completely satisfied with the life I have. Petting Stella and Luna as they take turns sitting on my lap.
Right here and now
I am happy
and I am well
right here and now
and that is all that matters