Sittin On A Porch

Sittin On A Porch
Our little back porch

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

It is all good, but I am a little tired

The weather has made up its mind to rain, and it is set to do so no matter what.  There may be moments where you see blue skies, maybe even a few white fluffy clouds in the morning. But this is the rainy season and before mid afternoon, even when the weather procrastinators say 30% chance rain, the white fluffy clouds are turning gray and looking heavy.

We have been going strong since Christopher got here.  We have been shopping at Goodwill, Wag The Dog, Wally World, Hobby Lobby, Sports Stores, Guitar Stores and more shopping then I can remember.  Whew!  We have been participating in moving currency through the economies of north Florida.  

But it has not been all work and shopping.  One evening Christopher and I spent the evening with my dear precious Janak, Geeta and Ba.  We watched slide shows of Raju's wedding  and when he came home from Afghanistan.  Raju, Janak and Geeta's son is a JAG officer in the Air Force.  Roma, his new bride is a doctor and they will be living in the greater Dallas area where Raju will be stationed in Wichita Falls.  Geeta and Ba made us an amazing Indian meal with red garbanzos, and veggies, home made yogurt and bread, rice and a dessert similar to rice pudding but made with vermicelli instead of rice.  Christopher      tried everything.  It was not his cup of tea, but he had had a big lunch and trust me, the boy has not gone hungry.  He has had lots of healthy food and has tried new things.  Maybe not with an open mind, but he was polite.  I like introducing him to new cultures and foods and to see the slide of the wedding, so he could see some of the ceremonies they have. 

But the most unusual thing we have done together, was the Sunrise Cube.  Friday night at the Jefferson Art League we went to see a Performance Art called The Sunrise Cube.  Christopher was the only person under 40.  They did find some apple juice for Christopher, the other choices were red wine and white wine.  I love the art gallery.  There were about 25 of us there and we crowded into the front gallery.  It would have been wonderful to see outside, but the weather had it made its mine up to rain........or not, but every time they tried to set the cube up outside, the sky spit at them.  So we were all grouped up in the Gallery and as the sky darkened, the show started.  Four college students played the cello, talked about how light had affected their lives, danced in the cube or ran the projection machines of the lights.  It was interesting and I enjoyed watching the lights  as they reflected through small Mylar tubes and the shadows dancing through the light and dark and the shifting colors as the dancer moved around the cube.  Only one side is made of the Mylar tubes, two other sides are space blankets and the last was some sort of heavy cloth.  It was interesting, but the main person kept getting emotional as he tried to talk.  His parents were there and I think it was kind of important to him, and he cried.  It was a little awkward, but overall I think everyone there felt that their time had been worthwhile.  Christopher enjoyed it, even though the crying was a bit too much for him.  He was polite and we enjoyed the time, but I don't think I will be calling them to arrange to watch a sunset with them.  I do wish them the best.

Other then that he finished all of his sewing projects, and I have to say he has plenty of reason to be proud of himself, which I think is more important then I am proud of him.  But I am.  He refinished his new cane and rebuilt, then refinished the box.  Again, he should be proud of himself, and I am sure that his family is, and of course I am.

The weather had not made up its mind to let us take the boy out on the boat, so today, in the rain, we had a picnic on the boat.  It is parked in the carport with tarps, blue and white.  we pretended the blue tarp was the water and the white one was the foam from our motor.  We had more fun making sure that each other had a good memory.  Isn't that always the way it is?  It is not the event it is the sharing of the event.

Last Monday I had gone and had another PTscan.  This Monday I gave blood and had my port flushed out.  Then I saw the doctor.  The cancer is showing up bigger in the lymph system.  My cancer number has jumped from around 40 to 170.  I know that she gave me a quick short version, but the point is, it is time to go back to infusion chemo.

We have tried the three common chemo, these other three that she is talking about are related to the other three.  Dr. May said she would call the amazing wonderful Dr. M and talk to him about the choices and his recommendations.  She also sent home information on the three for me to read about.  I looked at the side effects.  The first one said, "hair thinning", the second, "reversible hair loss".  But the third said something to the effect, "for non medical symptoms that persist or are bothersome, you should discuss these with your physician" and one of the side effects was "hair loss".  I would like to point out right now that loosing my hair again is bothersome!

I have not one moment worried or feared death from what the doctor told me.  No, I am bothered knowing what I getting ready to put my body through.  I have whined, I have tried to joke about it.  I have thought about it.  I have made a mental list of what I have to do to prepare for this.  Of course at the top of the list is gain weight.  sigh.  Gaining weight for me is as hard as loosing weight for others.  I am not looking forward to the possible nausea, the exhaustion.  I am trying not to preset my mind for the worse.  I am trying to be positive.  But this will be a once a week treatment.  For how long?  For as long as I can tolerate it.  Then what?  I have no idea.  I wasn't sure that I would have these options, who knows what will come up next.  I am still a little quiet, a little anxious, a little more aware of my life.  But each time I hear this kind of news from the doc, I admit it, I am drawn into myself and need some time to think things through.  Doctor May said we could start the treatments when I get back from the travels in August to the first part of September.  She said once again, this is not a cure, this is trying to extend the life I have.  And the best thing I can do is to travel and enjoy my life.  I am trying to.  I am waiting for the paperwork from the travel agent about Vicki and my trip to Great Britain.  And Bug and I will have time to do some traveling, and then in November we are planning on going to Key West for 2 weeks.  He is wonderful about trying to find lots of things for us to enjoy together. 

Maybe the weather might just get it in its mind to give us some sunny weather.  Boating weather, motor cycle weather, gardening weather.  I can garden  in the rain, as long as there is no thunder. 

Tomorrow Christopher and I will head south to meet his father and he will head home and on with his life and the last of his summer before school.  I will turn back around and come back home.  To the green quiet of this place.  Where Bug and I have our life.  Where I can lean over and pick up my Henry and take a walk around the yard.  Henry loves to be held like a baby.  I think that is a Manx thing.  Anyway rain or shine I can always just take a walk around the yard, Bob in tow with a ball in his mouth.  Edna darting here and there.  Henry in my arms, Stella running in and out of Bob and Edna, Luna standing just out of the circle where she is safe.  The silence broken with John C Bennett and Mo calling the girls, crowing out as the girls softly cluck and chuckle amongst themselves.  They have scratched all the mulch out of every bed on the property.  They have turned over every leaf, at least twice.  The yard would be neater, prettier with out the chickens scratching and throwing and moving the plants, but it would not be happier.  The world would not be as sweet or peaceful without the girls and roosters working the yard.  It would be neater, but not as much of a garden.  The chickens, wicked and scratching and throwing and digging up tender young plants, make me happy.

We have had the boy for two weeks. 
It was good
I love that boy
I love his brother
and his cousins
And for two weeks this summer, I enjoyed the connection of having my nephew with me.

1 comment:

  1. I hope that the chemo goes well. I'm sorry that there is more of it to come. But good that you had Christopher with you for the week.