Wednesday Dad and I drove into town to meet up with some of my former co-workers. I hired all but one of the people who met us for dinner. I love these dear people with all of my heart and they all looked wonderful. We had Chinese buffet and it was fun getting to be with them. It wasn't the best night for all of us to meet, but we did our best, and I saw as many as I could. I miss them all. I do not miss the job, but I miss these intelligent, hard working, kind wonderful people. They brought me presents, which I was so taken a back by. But how sweet of them. The real present was seeing them. But that was so generous and thoughtful. A couple others bought Dad's and my dinner. I am telling you, these wonderful people are just the best. And they were so cute. Most of them told me that they come to sit on my porch to find out how I am.
Actually I have been hearing that more and more as I see people who read my blog. Of course when I am writing this blog I have no idea who is reading it. And then to run into people who tell them have come to sit on my porch, it just melts my heart. I am sorry that my blog is not deep, or does not have an important earth changing message. It is a simple journal. A simple day to day rememberance of a life. A life I tried to live as best as I could.
I have made many mistakes in my life, haven't we all. I have probably not been as nice as I would want to be sometimes. I may have made some really stupid blunders in my life. I have tried to open and accepting of all people and all things. Sometimes I do better then others. I try to help when I can. And I try to learn to be a better person as often as I can. But the bottom line, is I am just me. An imperfect human being. A normal person just like everyone else. Well, I have Stage 4 lung cancer, but doesn't everyone have a challenge of some kind?
I still feel so very very lucky to have been given this gift of cancer. People are more tolerant of me. Ok, I do need people to be more tolerant of me at this point in my life. The chemo makes me tired and anxious. When I am tired and anxious I am not my best. But I am trying to be better. I am trying to take the meds more regularly. I am trying to watch myself closer and stop before I am unpleasent. The fact that it is chemically induced does not make me feel any better.
Being around those dearest people Wednesday night made me realize that I am too hard on myself. That I have to be more accepting of my imperfections. Because they love me for who I am. So if these people can, then why can't I? Hmmmmm isn't that the million dollar question.
Thursday Dad and I did the modified Y thing where we drive up for me to work out by myself and then go to Yoga, so Dad is not sitting there too long. Then we came home, he took a nap and then we drove into Tallahassee and went to one of my former co-workers retirement party. It was packed. He is well loved. Gary, another former employee brought up his giant traveling BBQ grill, which is monstrerous and made chicken and pork BBQ. The night before when we went to eat Chinese food, Gary had cooked dinner for people that night. I did not realize that early enough, or I would have just preferred to have been a part of that, and get to see everyone there, rather then making them go get ok Chinese food. And I love Chinese food. But that is ok, we got to see almost everyone else at the Retirement party. But I had rehearsal, so we had to leave so quickly and so I only got to give people a passing hello. A quick hug and then move on. I am so sorry, that I was not able to spend more time with everyone. I miss them dearly. Not the work, the people. They are all the greatest, and were happy to see me still alive. I wanted to sit and talk with them forever. To give each one of them my full attention for a time to hear all about how they were, but there were so many, and I had to go to rehearsal, so I swept through like a maniac and hurried on to rehearsal, getting there, late, but I had told them I would be late, so they were fine with that. I got home around 10:30 and to bed way after 11. I am running on empty. I am exhausted. I am tired to the bone. And there is still so much left to do
I still have birthday presents from last week. Well, I will make sure to get Owen's and Lily's to Mary's sometime next week. The rest, well, they just became Christmas presents. I hope Billy and Vergil understand. I love you both, you sweet dear precious men. I apologize for not doing a better job getting your presents to you earlier. My thoughts were good. I am just having time management issues. Please accept my most sincere apology.
Today has flown by. I was up at my usual time, fed the animals, walked up to get Dad a newspaper from the quick store. So I got my 2 mile walk out of the way early. Two miles used to sound so far, now it just seems natural to walk up to the store and back and not think anything about it. Then I came home and started working on putting Dad's Christmas list on the computer. I stopped when Dad got up and fixed him eggs and english muffin with fresh fruit for breakfast. After breakfast we finished working on the list. Then I went on line and tried to order sodium hypochlorite for my soap. Yep, soap is made with lye. but when you make soap, you mix oils (fats) with the lye and the mixture saponafies and then you have "soap". the lye is not lye anymore, mixed with the oil, it is chemically changed into soap.
I used to be able to go to the store and buy Red Devil lye, but not the people who make meth also buy lye, so no one can buy it anymore at the local hardware store. sigh It took filling out a form, scanning it, emailing in. Not really anything that should be a problem. At the same time I made another order. This company made a mistake. They cancelled the incorrect order. I said, please don't, please just correct the mistake. You can see from the original paperwork to the receipt that the error was made on your side, not mine. Yes, that is true, but we can not make another order now. You will have to wait 24 hours. I am in a rush to get this taken care. If everything had gone correctly, then I made the order as soon as I knew I could make it, and everything would have been fine. But their idea of "fixing" things make a huge mess and a huge ordeal. I am too tired to deal with this. I started crying on the phone. I told him the entire situation, and how this was not a rush until they made the error. He said he would call me back in an hour and see if he can fix it.
Well, I started this email earlier this morning after taking pictures to my porch. And now here it is after 6 and I still have not completed what I started to do. So here is what I wanted to show you today. I wanted to show you how to come and sit on my porch with me. First you will turn off of State Road Hwy 19 onto Ebeneezer Church Road:
|Ebenezer Church Road|
|Turn on to Farmboy Road|
|It is a private UNmaintained road just drive slow|
|Take the bend to the left and go past the mailboxes|
|Here is the spot with all the pot holes. You can't tell in the photo but some are large enough to swallow a VW bug, really|
|Once you get past the potholes, continue slow heading north|
|Then take the bend to the right|
|Now you are heading east, just a little further|
|Here is your first view of Labrun|
|Come on in the gate|
|Watch out for my watchdogs, they might lick you to death|
|Drive on in, watch out for the dogs, cats and rabbits.|
|This is my pump house|
|Through this gate is the pasture, see my chickens?|
|This is my back yard with the glass house, green house and my airstream, oh and lots of weeds|
|Here is my back door and back porch|