Friday, November 19, 2010
Are we there yet?
This has been the longest week. Each day crawled by so slowly. I forgot, again to take any medication one day. No pain meds, no nausea meds, no Prilosec, again. I just do not think about taking meds. I don't know why, I just don't. So I went an entire day with nothing. And by 6:00 pm I was hurting, and not able to eat or keep anything down. So I started trying to take the meds and figure out which one I should be taking. I woke up around 2 with the night sweats and dry heaves. Yep-good times.
Wednesday morning I started to work on my meds. By Thursday I was able to eat again. But that made a third week in a row that I had gone several days without eating, and surviving test, surgeries, chemo treatments. All good things. All ordeals and stress to put on a body. No complaining, we are heading in the right direction, but any crazy ideas that I might still have been holding on to think that I can just run over my body and do whatever I want whenever I want to, well, those ideas are done.
This morning Ms Moon got up before light and drove over to pick me up to be at the Doctor appointment at 8:20, too early am. She had not met these doctors yet, and I was looking forward to her getting to meet, Dr. Cascone, the surgeon along with his nurse,
. I love Chad , OK, I love everyone at the office. But Chad is fun in that he wears black scrubs with black crocs and his black hair is spiked. He is confident and a nice guy, and sweet. He skillfully removed the stitches and said everything looked fine. Then the doc came in looked at everything and again said everything was fine. He is adorable, and refers to himself as an Italian meatball, which makes no sense to be in that he is not shaped like a meatball. I must be missing the joke. Chad
After the doctor visit we had breakfast at Waffle House. I actually had a waffle. I have never had a waffle at Waffle house. It was a little sweet. We had fun, nice breakfast. Then Ms Moon took me to Winn Dixie and I bought a 12-pound turkey. And now I have a Wallace & Gromit to watch this evening. And I am feeling stronger today, rest does seem to help. And I need to quit worrying about getting everything done.
I have the turkey, so everything else for Thanksgiving will fit into place. I have started getting Christmas presents ordered and they are starting to come in, so that is good. I am fine. I have to quit listening to the voices saying, "When are you going back to work?" "When will you be done with Christmas shopping?" "You know you have to outlive me" Thoughts meant to be kind, meant to be thoughtful and helpful, but instead just feel like pressure. I will go back to work next week like the doctor Okayed. It is not even Thanksgiving yet, chill out about Christmas. Don't miss Thanksgiving worrying about Christmas. I have the crackers and the tin toys, wrapped already for the table. So that just means getting the chocolates and receiving the activity books with the crayons , and then some fresh flowers that week, so the table will be fun. I have about a third of the presents bought and set, so really, I am right on schedule compared to previous years. So, no, stress. Really, no stress, it does not make anything better.
And I want to enjoy this holiday. And I will, and I do feel much better today. And I still have a weekend before I have to go back to work. I look forward to the work, not the stress on the body of trying to get in, be productive and catch up. Lots to catch up on. But it is going to be a lovely weekend, and I am going to enjoy it! And I will wear my silk sari robe that Ms Moon bought me for Christmas. I have wanted this robe for years, a lot of years. But I never got it. I would look at it every time the catalog came. I carefully turned down the corner of the page. I would dream of the softness of the silk against my skin, but I would never buy it. Thank you Ms Moon. And it was as wonderful as I had hoped it would be. It is soft, and flows, and wraps around me, and makes me feel so special. Why is it so hard for us to allow ourselves to feel special? To be special?
The last bit of great news is that I have hair. Well, not really hair yet, but fuzz, lots of fuzz. The sides seem mostly white, the top more salt and pepper. It looks though like I will have hair, someday. It will be fun to see what comes out, what my hair will be. I am just excited that it looks like I am going to get my hair back. Will I feel stronger and healthier if I have hair? It will be interesting to see. It will be interesting to see how it affects me and my ability to heal. Hair! OK, fuzz so far.