Rainy day Tuesday

I slept last night as the storm blew in.  I saw the lightening flash behind my closed eye lids.  The rumbling of thunder a distant awareness.  I pulled myself out of sleep and somehow managed to walk to the closest under the stairs for Edna.  Piggy is so afraid of lightening and thunder.  She slipped past my legs and into the dark small area.  I could see her bright eyes looking up at me from inside her Harry Potter room.  I turned to stumble back to bed only to have Ednarose like a shadow followed me back to the bedroom and into my closest.  I collapsed back on the bed and searched for my hose.  I am getting better with the hose and the little robot that produces the oxygen.  I did wake up the other night with the hose in one nostril and one blowing on my eye and it dried my eye out and glued it shut.  I still get tied up with the hose but all in all, most nights are just fine.

I have been so tired with all the guests and trips and things going on, that it is time for me to sleep.  It has been wonderful getting to hug so many precious beloved dear friends and family, but it has also been tiring, and today I laid on the bed on my white quilt and slept, but there were times of in between, where a noise or something had almost woke me and my eyes wouldn't open, but my mind felt obligated to wake.  Carole and Jo from Hospice had come for my weekly visit.  We talked about the nurses and anxiety.  They asked if I wanted to switch to another nurse.  My current nurse is very nice, but has her own medical issues which makes her unreliable.  I need reliability.  I like that Carol and I can talk plain and simple.  I said that I liked her fine but that I scare her and wasn't sure that would work.  Carol agreed that was true, and if I would not refer to the comfort box as a death box, she thought it would work.  I said I could do that.  Jo just laughed and pointed out the ridiculous things we would say and laughed with us.  We had a nice visit and after they left, in the rain, Bug and I watched the weather channel until I just had to go to sleep.  And I slept the rest of the day.  That groggy I can't open my eyes state.  There was good sleep, but there was also sleep that wasn't restful. 

Phyllis is coming over tomorrow.  I haven't seen her is so long, but tomorrow we are going to spend a little time together.

I need to sleep more.  I am still exhausted.  I know there is strength behind this exhaustion.  That if I rest, sleep, take the load off me, I will be able to get back up and do some of the things I want to get done.  We have two weeks before more family and friends start coming.  I need to rest to be ready.  I need to be creative and work on these projects.

The storm has passed and the air is crisp and clean from the fine scrubbing it had earlier.  Branches and leaves blown here and there scrubbing down the air, leaving it cool and clean.  Our windows are open and the air blows through the house and the sweet freshness kisses at my eye lashes and reminding me that it is time to sleep.  To lay my head down, still my feet, and to sleep.