I think the increase in the dosage of the neuropathy meds might be helping just a little bit. My arms are still sore and jerk. My legs and feet still vibrate and jerk, but either I am adjusting and/or the meds are helping.
This week, Bug and I ran away to Pensacola. It was just for a couple of days, but it was nice to get away. We stayed in Pensacola and the first afternoon we drove down to the water and saw the city and the historic district, the Seville District then headed back to the hotel to rest. The next morning we headed for the water front. To gaze out at the Gulf from yet another angle. The Gulf I have lived near my entire life. We watched a man fish and talked another holding his cast net set to spin out over the water and maybe bring back fall mullet. Mullet that on cue will swim in great schools. Darker colored skin, more fat and the dark streak in the fillets. Fine eating.
We made our way to the Historic District bought our tickets and prepared to wait for the tour. A younger man came in and explained he would be the Guide because they were short handed because of a horde of 4th graders. Actually from what I saw the kids behaved much more respectfully then some of the people on the tour. The tour started a little early and was interesting. Bug and I have both spent a lot of time in our lives going through these museums. Hearing the same information each time, with a few exceptions shining more brightly on their particular home. I made it through the entire walking trip, but did not walk up any of the stairs, missing the second floors. I would sit outside and rest so that I was ready to go for the next home or church. The Historic District is small, so we drove over to the Air Museum and thought to have lunch somewhere on the way.
We made it to the Museum before settling for fast food and yes, the museum had a CUBI Club. That has something to do with the Philippines when the Navy and Marines had a base there. When they closed down the base they took all the carved mascots and hung them from the ceiling and on the walls. How much fun to see each mascot trying to outdo the last. The crews names and their call signs painted on these sculptors. History of a time gone by. Of a world I never knew. Torpedoes, bulldogs, devils, mermaids and lots of eagles. Bright, bold colors. These were symbols that helped these men do what had to be done. Half way around the world, and many of these warriors still just kids. Bug took time to walk all the way around the museum, I chose not to be pushed in a wheel chair, but instead to be some place comfortable and happy so he could take his time. After going through the museum, Bug returned so we could have lunch in the CUBI and he told me of the things he thought I might be interested in going to see. That helped to cut down on my walking and I did enjoy the part of the museum we went to see together. And the Cubi club would have been worth while just on itself.
After the Museum we went to the Shrimp Festival in Gulf Shores, Alabama. It is huge, like 350,000 people over the weekend. We got there about 4:30pm and a lot of the people who had been there all afternoon were heading home and the people after work were not there yet. We walked through it, a typical seafood festival. On one side were the seafood booths and on the other were tie dye clothes, artist showing their paintings, advertising people and everything in between. We had to walk almost to the end of the food booth line to find a local booth. All the rest were professional booths, many advertising "Maryland Crab Cakes" We wanted local seafood, not Maryland. The local booth only sold steamed head on large shrimp in OldBay Seasoning. We bought one to eat there, and they were gooooood. We bought another one to take home. We were too exhausted, ok, I was too exhausted to go out to eat, so we ate at Denny's which was about 500 feet from our door.
I was so excited the next morning, a garden! I was going to a garden! I was so tired, but I was going. Somehow I was going to see this garden. It was a lovey morning and we tried to get to the garden before the afternoon warm. We had our Hope Marie. The entire reason for this trip. To take the painting back to where it was painted to see if we could learn anything else. At first the people thought it strange to take a painting on vacation. But when we would turn the painting around their jaws would drop. They would look at us and then back to the painting. Some would tell us that it was the east side of the house. Some asked us where we got it. I think everyone employed there had an opportunity to see the painting. We learned the painting had to be painted after 1980. The windows in the painting were put in after hurricane Fredrick. It seemed to give each of them a smile. It brought a little mystery into their life, and they had clues. It was fun. Bug got a wheel chair and pushed me around. I could not have even thought of going through the garden. What a sweetheart I have. He gave me the opportunity to experience this beautifully planted garden. It overflowed with plants. Flowers burst out from the foliage. Lovely, just lovely. And thanks to my honey, I was able to be there. Concerning the wheel chair. It is a total loss of control. You are completely dependent on someone else. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......I am not comfortable with that. It is hard to have these opposite feelings. One of gratefulness, one of extreme discomfort totally dependent on someone else. So much to learn yet in this time.
Again as we drove home I was too tired to even consider trying any of the wonderful local seafood restaurants. We had shrimp from the festival and there were other leftovers so we once again stayed in the room and I fell asleep early. Waking up Saturday morning I realized just how far I had pushed myself belong the final line in the sand. Bug still thought we should have driven home the day before, but I had to have a break, a time to just lay still. We were up fairly early Saturday. Just in time to share the breakfast area with a couple of teams of over 40s softball players. Who are they kidding there wasn't a man under 60, I might even venture over 70 for the ones we saw. But they were up and happy and excited about the games played and those yet to come. We slipped out and left them to their exuberance.
We were home in time to watch most of the college games. I would like to note that Bug and I watched the first half of the Florida game, but exhaustion took me just before halftime and so neither of us saw any of the second half. We can not be held responsible for the loss of the Gators by me being a jinx and watching them. I believe we call all agree that that period of my life, fortunately, is over.
This morning we watched Charles Osgood. I was exhausted, but not more than that, I am having moments of shortness of breath. I only have enough energy to walk through a room. I did have a short time of strength this afternoon and actually made cinnamon rolls and soup with dumplings. Other than that. I have done nothing. Well, I did talk to a couple of friends to let them know I was not going to be able to go to the garden circle. I could have guilted myself into going, but I was afraid I might have a moment of short of breath, and it could be more dramatic then I am interested in. So instead I stayed home. I miss my circle. I love these woman. But not today. Maybe next month. Dottie said she would take me. But still I knew I shouldn't go.
Bug and I watched football. The view from our living room window is a serene landscape. Oaks and pines stand green against the first blush of autumn. While one of our crepe myrtles' leaves glow orange and red center stage in the frame of the window. I feel good. I made mistakes and there were some interesting challenges in my life, but right now as I look out the window. It took the two of us coming together at this very moment to be able to bring back a home so that you could enjoy that glorious view. Inside of the windows are our art collection. We have no idea if or how much any of them might be. We have looked up the various artist, sometimes it is a dead end, sometimes they make outrageous claims of the values. We bought them because we liked them. We found this place and made it our own. Today as we watch football on more then one TV screen (we like football) we just look around. We look at each other, and our dogs and cats and chickens and ducks and we are happy. We feel good. We went away, and saw new things, new places to us. But then we came home. To this home we love so very much. This land and pond, the trees and the birds, it is home. It is our home. I just can't help saying it over and over. I am so happy.
I have not felt so great about myself. I admit that sometimes why I do not blog, I feel bad about myself. It has been a year since I got a haircut and dye. I think it is time to face it and get a haircut. I need to do something to feel better about myself. When I look in the mirror all I see are the faults and all the things that are wrong with me. I can feel swollen areas that were not before. Cancer? I don't know. Maybe that is part of the problem. When I look in the mirror I can't see good and bad right now.
I am happy in my day to day life.
But as happy as I am with the beauty and joy around me.
I feel bad about myself.
The outward physical only part of me......
hair
large joints and bone skinny arms and legs
I am a tired I have never been before.
How many times have I said that?
Why do I continue to push myself beyond the most tired tired????
I guess that is just part of who I am and how I have someone continued to live.
And I am alive
And now it is time to rest.
I need to rest so I will be ready for the next adventure.
This week, Bug and I ran away to Pensacola. It was just for a couple of days, but it was nice to get away. We stayed in Pensacola and the first afternoon we drove down to the water and saw the city and the historic district, the Seville District then headed back to the hotel to rest. The next morning we headed for the water front. To gaze out at the Gulf from yet another angle. The Gulf I have lived near my entire life. We watched a man fish and talked another holding his cast net set to spin out over the water and maybe bring back fall mullet. Mullet that on cue will swim in great schools. Darker colored skin, more fat and the dark streak in the fillets. Fine eating.
We made our way to the Historic District bought our tickets and prepared to wait for the tour. A younger man came in and explained he would be the Guide because they were short handed because of a horde of 4th graders. Actually from what I saw the kids behaved much more respectfully then some of the people on the tour. The tour started a little early and was interesting. Bug and I have both spent a lot of time in our lives going through these museums. Hearing the same information each time, with a few exceptions shining more brightly on their particular home. I made it through the entire walking trip, but did not walk up any of the stairs, missing the second floors. I would sit outside and rest so that I was ready to go for the next home or church. The Historic District is small, so we drove over to the Air Museum and thought to have lunch somewhere on the way.
We made it to the Museum before settling for fast food and yes, the museum had a CUBI Club. That has something to do with the Philippines when the Navy and Marines had a base there. When they closed down the base they took all the carved mascots and hung them from the ceiling and on the walls. How much fun to see each mascot trying to outdo the last. The crews names and their call signs painted on these sculptors. History of a time gone by. Of a world I never knew. Torpedoes, bulldogs, devils, mermaids and lots of eagles. Bright, bold colors. These were symbols that helped these men do what had to be done. Half way around the world, and many of these warriors still just kids. Bug took time to walk all the way around the museum, I chose not to be pushed in a wheel chair, but instead to be some place comfortable and happy so he could take his time. After going through the museum, Bug returned so we could have lunch in the CUBI and he told me of the things he thought I might be interested in going to see. That helped to cut down on my walking and I did enjoy the part of the museum we went to see together. And the Cubi club would have been worth while just on itself.
After the Museum we went to the Shrimp Festival in Gulf Shores, Alabama. It is huge, like 350,000 people over the weekend. We got there about 4:30pm and a lot of the people who had been there all afternoon were heading home and the people after work were not there yet. We walked through it, a typical seafood festival. On one side were the seafood booths and on the other were tie dye clothes, artist showing their paintings, advertising people and everything in between. We had to walk almost to the end of the food booth line to find a local booth. All the rest were professional booths, many advertising "Maryland Crab Cakes" We wanted local seafood, not Maryland. The local booth only sold steamed head on large shrimp in OldBay Seasoning. We bought one to eat there, and they were gooooood. We bought another one to take home. We were too exhausted, ok, I was too exhausted to go out to eat, so we ate at Denny's which was about 500 feet from our door.
I was so excited the next morning, a garden! I was going to a garden! I was so tired, but I was going. Somehow I was going to see this garden. It was a lovey morning and we tried to get to the garden before the afternoon warm. We had our Hope Marie. The entire reason for this trip. To take the painting back to where it was painted to see if we could learn anything else. At first the people thought it strange to take a painting on vacation. But when we would turn the painting around their jaws would drop. They would look at us and then back to the painting. Some would tell us that it was the east side of the house. Some asked us where we got it. I think everyone employed there had an opportunity to see the painting. We learned the painting had to be painted after 1980. The windows in the painting were put in after hurricane Fredrick. It seemed to give each of them a smile. It brought a little mystery into their life, and they had clues. It was fun. Bug got a wheel chair and pushed me around. I could not have even thought of going through the garden. What a sweetheart I have. He gave me the opportunity to experience this beautifully planted garden. It overflowed with plants. Flowers burst out from the foliage. Lovely, just lovely. And thanks to my honey, I was able to be there. Concerning the wheel chair. It is a total loss of control. You are completely dependent on someone else. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......I am not comfortable with that. It is hard to have these opposite feelings. One of gratefulness, one of extreme discomfort totally dependent on someone else. So much to learn yet in this time.
Again as we drove home I was too tired to even consider trying any of the wonderful local seafood restaurants. We had shrimp from the festival and there were other leftovers so we once again stayed in the room and I fell asleep early. Waking up Saturday morning I realized just how far I had pushed myself belong the final line in the sand. Bug still thought we should have driven home the day before, but I had to have a break, a time to just lay still. We were up fairly early Saturday. Just in time to share the breakfast area with a couple of teams of over 40s softball players. Who are they kidding there wasn't a man under 60, I might even venture over 70 for the ones we saw. But they were up and happy and excited about the games played and those yet to come. We slipped out and left them to their exuberance.
We were home in time to watch most of the college games. I would like to note that Bug and I watched the first half of the Florida game, but exhaustion took me just before halftime and so neither of us saw any of the second half. We can not be held responsible for the loss of the Gators by me being a jinx and watching them. I believe we call all agree that that period of my life, fortunately, is over.
This morning we watched Charles Osgood. I was exhausted, but not more than that, I am having moments of shortness of breath. I only have enough energy to walk through a room. I did have a short time of strength this afternoon and actually made cinnamon rolls and soup with dumplings. Other than that. I have done nothing. Well, I did talk to a couple of friends to let them know I was not going to be able to go to the garden circle. I could have guilted myself into going, but I was afraid I might have a moment of short of breath, and it could be more dramatic then I am interested in. So instead I stayed home. I miss my circle. I love these woman. But not today. Maybe next month. Dottie said she would take me. But still I knew I shouldn't go.
Bug and I watched football. The view from our living room window is a serene landscape. Oaks and pines stand green against the first blush of autumn. While one of our crepe myrtles' leaves glow orange and red center stage in the frame of the window. I feel good. I made mistakes and there were some interesting challenges in my life, but right now as I look out the window. It took the two of us coming together at this very moment to be able to bring back a home so that you could enjoy that glorious view. Inside of the windows are our art collection. We have no idea if or how much any of them might be. We have looked up the various artist, sometimes it is a dead end, sometimes they make outrageous claims of the values. We bought them because we liked them. We found this place and made it our own. Today as we watch football on more then one TV screen (we like football) we just look around. We look at each other, and our dogs and cats and chickens and ducks and we are happy. We feel good. We went away, and saw new things, new places to us. But then we came home. To this home we love so very much. This land and pond, the trees and the birds, it is home. It is our home. I just can't help saying it over and over. I am so happy.
I have not felt so great about myself. I admit that sometimes why I do not blog, I feel bad about myself. It has been a year since I got a haircut and dye. I think it is time to face it and get a haircut. I need to do something to feel better about myself. When I look in the mirror all I see are the faults and all the things that are wrong with me. I can feel swollen areas that were not before. Cancer? I don't know. Maybe that is part of the problem. When I look in the mirror I can't see good and bad right now.
I am happy in my day to day life.
But as happy as I am with the beauty and joy around me.
I feel bad about myself.
The outward physical only part of me......
hair
large joints and bone skinny arms and legs
I am a tired I have never been before.
How many times have I said that?
Why do I continue to push myself beyond the most tired tired????
I guess that is just part of who I am and how I have someone continued to live.
And I am alive
And now it is time to rest.
I need to rest so I will be ready for the next adventure.
I feel pretty sure that Melissa would come out to your house to cut your hair if you don't want to go to town. Her new little shop is right next to a cupcake bakery though...
ReplyDeleteWhat adventures you are having!
I see lovely hair and grace and courage and honesty and love.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful. Don't be hard on yourself. Embrace each day. My good friend died and I went to the funeral. Fighting up until unconsciousness but I am grateful to have been there at the end. Would not have missed the journey.
ReplyDelete