So because I have been so busy with pity parties, another common symptom from my liver being, crying. I have not used my scientific portion of my brain. This is not rocket science. You pour poison, say like WMDs, into your body and expect your liver to take care of getting rid of things and you keeping going. But my liver is compromised and WMDs are a lot to ask of a struggling liver. It feels like food poisoning. I have a nauseous headache, a little off kilter and feel like I will be sick any minute.........all day and night. I can lay down and sleep at a moment's notice. This is how I have felt for the most part for the last 30 years, and it still takes days, no weeks to figure out to simply eat more beets. Placebo affect? I don't care, it has worked for me. I felt so foolish, I didn't want to talk to anyone. My sister Sioux was so worried about me, but I just didn't want to talk to anyone.
So, maybe today after I get some beets, I will start feeling more like myself. I used to be a smart person. I used to use my brain. And it feels really good when I do use my brain. sigh
The pain for the most part is manageable with the oxy. Of course when I am not using my brain, and not eating beets, feeling nauseous constantly it is hard to take medicines that need to be taken with food. sigh. How complicated, dramatic and difficult can I make this for myself. It even amazes me. I feel like I should dress in a long silky gown, lay back on a fainting couch, lay the back of my left hand pressed to my forehead. My mother used to describe that to the doctors when they told her she would never walk again. Then all night long the nurses would find her splayed on the floor after getting out of bed and trying to walk. She walked her entire life. I have to quit living the Camille drama, eat my beets and feel well enough to actually live my life.
And the pain is not that bad. No really. Okay, the hornet stings on the feet. That was the worse pain I have ever felt. And I doubt it was worse then child birth, or torn rotator cuff, or nerve back pain. But all of the other pains are more of a tool to help me understand the disease and how to manage it. Really, I see people in pain that is so much worse then mine everyday. Please do not worry about the pain. It is simply another tool to live by. And I could live a whole lot better if I would simply eat my beets!
We took the Ms K out yesterday for a few hours in the morning. I first said I could not go because I had been up most of the night before with dry heaves and headache. But I wasn't "sick" and I could be miserable on the boat as easy as at home, so I talked Bug into taking me out. It is so easy, get dressed, grab the boat bag, a few drinks into the cooler. We always have some kind of ice in the freezer. Bug calls the marina and by the time we take a beautiful drive through rolling hills of cattle, pecan groves, century old oaks and planted pine. There is also lots of scrub area maintained under Management areas and just a beautiful part of Florida. When we reach the Marina we grab our bags and cooler, step on the boat, that starts up like a kitten purring and push off to the river. We idle for a while, sometimes he will do a little fishing, there are a couple spots where you can open it up, and the rest of the river is a Manatee zone, so you get a little bit of everything. And yesterday we saw 2 people on the river. The rest of the time it was all ours. It is the romantic version of the African Queen. It was hot, but it was a beautiful August day. It is hot in August. Normally I am fine with that, but yesterday it drained me. I stayed out of the sun for the most part, choosing rather to sit in the shade reading my book. I am proud of myself for getting up and going. Even a few hours on the boat was outside, in nature, quiet and tranquil. But most important, we were there together. It was heaven sitting next to my honey, the sun warm on our backs and wind in our faces, cool and fresh, even in the heat of the day.
But I was not feeling well and so after a couple of hours we headed home. We ate in a place we had never eaten. The service was quick, and food hot and fresh. I rested when we got home, tired because I didn't sleep well the night before. Sleep was to elude me again last night. But hopefully in my sleeplessness I was able to figure out what I have been doing wrong. Such a simple answer.
The new chickens are lovely. I had not planned on mixing them so soon, but these chicks were free range and keeping them in a confined area was miserable for them. That and the little peeps are so wee that they could with effort go in and out at will. Which they did. My first reaction was to race back to the old house and get fortifications to keep these creatures pinned up. But the side of me who is trying so hard to figure out what is right and wrong anymore, I decided to trust their need to be free and to run to the older chickens when they sensed danger. The older chickens, and even worse the ducks are very rough in this pecking order business. I have to step in at times reminding the older ones that these are banties and babies so they must be a little more accepting and gentle. Yep, typical of Mother Nature's children to think we know better. All the chicks are doing fine. Since I don't have a fainting couch I spend my time on my little porch on my lounge chair watching the antics.
Really what an amazing life I have. The middle crepe myrtle is spectacular with the vivid bright watermelon pink. There are six trees in a straight row and each has peaked in its own time, but the middle one is something to behold. Bug is finishing up my planters and now that I am confident, once again that I shall probably outlive everything as a slowly getting smaller and smaller until I simply disappear. But for now I have so many things to enjoy. Work that needs to be done, but I am not loosing sleep over it. I will get it done when I feel well enough to do so. Hopefully that should be in the next couple of days.
The sky is a cloudless summer blue, the dark green of August foliage and the vivid colors of the crepes fill the room like one of our paintings on the wall. This one framed by curtain and shade. From downstairs the view is not of tree tops but of the understory with trunks like columns reaching up past the view. It is like living in the trees. The house feels happy, the time feels as it should. Summer heats up running from August through September until the first cold snap should raise our heads again from the humidity and realize that the season has come and gone. It has been a good summer overall. We have slowed a bit in our pace. With the beginning of August it is easy to forget that there is at least 5 - 6 more weeks of summer.
I think I shall go out and watch my animals at play in the cool of the shade in the dog yard. And eat beets.