Sittin On A Porch

Sittin On A Porch
Our little back porch

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Sunday morning and it has been a day worth remembering.  Bug had gotten up to feed the kids and I was still resting.  He gets up in the morning and feeds the dogs and cats and makes his coffee.  This takes the excitement level down to a point where I can safely navigate the hallway between our bedroom and the kitchen.  A narrow hallway without much natural light with the washer and dryer on one side, the door on the other.  This is a dog door in the door, so even when the people door is closed I can have dogs and cats coming at me from every possible direction.  Some of the cats sleep on the washer so they can leap out from behind the curtain and land on your face or shoulders.  It is my life, and as hard on my body getting up each morning and stumbling through the gauntlet of animals, I love that my children miss me.  For many years they slept with me or were at least free to come and go at night.  But I grew tired of bloody lips, scratched faces, black eyes and so on.  So now that first minute of the morning when I join my family is a little rough, but at the new house will be different and there is no dark hallway to survive. 
The new house. 
We are getting closer to moving in.

So this morning as I laid in the bed checking out how I feel before I take the first oxy, Bug brought me Henry.  My sweet Henry.  He is the best smelling cat in the entire world.  He is a beautiful animal, sweet, loving, plump and thick shades of honey fur.  He has been lost to us for the last many weeks.  We have been coming and going a lot.  Even when I am here I spend a lot of time locked away in the bedroom.  Our regular baby sitter got it in her head that Henry was starving and being mistreated and started feeding him and keeping him with her.  This has been one stressful situation in my life.  So while I have been trying to deal with the loss of my chickens, and then the realization that Ednarose had lost her mind, moving, Bug's parents moving, friends coming back into my life, I was missing my Henry.  He did not know where he belonged and started living like a lost boy.  He has lost weight and had a terrible hair ball.  Elizabeth gave me some mineral oil to help it pass.  No.  I do not pour mineral oil down my animal's throats.  Many years ago I would  use Vaseline, so you could put it on their paw to lick it off.  But I prefer butter or Crisco.  It is easier on his system.  It may take longer, I am not sure about that, but I know it is much easier and they generally pass it on in the direction you want it to go.
It was such a joy to have him in my arms.  Henry and I spent some time together, me scratching and hugging him.  He finally relaxed and gave into full purr.

Then, Bug came in again with another wonderful surprise.  Sioux was on the phone.  So I laid in bed and talked to one sister as I hugged and loved on my Henry.  We had a wonderful talk.  I told her about my wacky Wednesdays.  She told me about finding out she had an abscess under a crown in a top back molar.  Apparently she has had this abscess for quite a while because it has eaten a lot of bone.  She never knew.  There was some occasional difficulties, but nothing that she couldn't ignore.  She has it all under control, and thankfully she has insurance with her business.  I don't know what she would do without it.

So Sunday morning started just full of love.  I came out to my honey and the rest of the kids chilling out on Sunday morning.  Bug usually makes breakfast, it is a hard meal for me to cook.  But this morning I felt strong enough to at least get the biscuits in the oven and the turkey sausage gravy.  I made a cup of Earl Grey tea and sat down.  Bug finished making our breakfast and then I watched Sunday Morning.  He headed out to mow the pasture with the John Deere before it got too hot.

After Sunday Morning was over, the quiet minute was wild mustangs in Nevada, I went outside to mow the little backyard between the trailer and the pasture.  I couldn't believe Bug didn't give me a hard time when I said I wanted to do this.  I mean how hard is it to sit on a riding mower and drive it around?  Well, first, the mower was blocked by the golf cart that wouldn't start, so not quite as easy as I had imagined.  Bug and I got it out and soon I was driving away mowing along the fence.  It took a couple of runs before I remembered what I was doing, but pretty soon  I was mowing.  Okay, it is a little more then just sitting and driving and I could feel it as I fought with the wheel to turn the mower within the narrow confines around my gardens.  I felt like I had accomplished something.  The rest of the day will be spent with less adventurous activities.

The last Wednesday in May was my biopsy.  I had not received the piece of paper that told me not to eat.  I didn't eat much and only when I could not get my stomach to settle down.  I am down to 112 pounds.  Eating isn't an option at this point.  The most exciting part of eating is that everything I eat tastes wrong, and bad.  I watch Bug eat the same thing I have and he is talking about how delicious it is.  So I ate part of an egg/cheese/biscuit.  That meant that putting me under was not such a great idea.  I never think that putting me under is a good idea.  I have the worst time waking up and I almost always have major stomach issues afterwards.  I can not afford to loose any weight.  This was supposed to be a needle biopsy on the lymph nodes in my arm pit.  When the doctor walked in to determine what our options were I lifted my arm and there was the lymph node.  At this weight and with the size of these nodes you can't help but see them.  The actual procedure was only 10 minutes.  They gave me a local and I was able to watch what was going on the sonogram machine.  I could see the needle go into the node and then grab a sample.  I could see muscle tissue and they even turned on the color so I could see the veins and arteries.  It was so cool.  I had a nurse hold my hand because I tend to bite or slap doctors if they hurt me.  I don't mean to, and it isn't something I am proud of.  It is like a knee jerk reaction, so I just make sure and have someone hold my hand and then I don't have to worry and neither does the doctor.  The entire procedure took 10 minutes.  After the procedure we had to wait another 10 minutes to get the okay on the samples from the pathologist.  Then they wanted me to wait another 30 minutes to make sure there were no problems.  This had all taken more then 5 hours and I needed to eat and get out of there.  I had sticky things all over me to attach probes to.  I had iodine glued to my skin covering about half of my upper torso.  I am still trying to scrub it off. 

It wasn't as weird a Wednesday as the week before with the airplane and the lost radioactive man who needed to pee, but it was pretty cool to get to participate in the biopsy and see everything.

I had lunch with Carolyn on Tuesday and told her I could not wait to see what the next Wednesday would throw at us.  I can say it did not disappoint me.  It turned out to be wildlife Wednesday.  When Bug woke and came out to feed the kids, Edna was busy corralling two baby birds, wrens I think.  She had not hurt them and was working very hard keeping everyone else away from them until she could give them to us.  She acted like she was trying to make up for the chickens she killed.  We explained it doesn't work that way, but it again complicated her issue.  But I would rather find alive baby birds then more dead chickens.  We took them to the vet because I have raised baby birds just like these before and all I can say is that bird parents are amazing.  How they are able to find food and get those giant baby mouths satisfied is more then I am able to do at this time.  And I don't have to find food.  I simply ground up the baby peep food into a powder and made a paste out of it.  I showed Bug how to hold them or to tap them on the heads to get them to open their mouths and then you can simply shovel in small amounts of this paste at a time.  It is fun the first time.  You feel like one of Mother Nature's favorite children.  But, Mother Nature knows best and rearing these two fledglings seemed like too much of a commitment at this time.  We dropped them off at our Vets.  They will call the wildlife people and they will pick them up and will take much better care then I can. 

On our way from the Vets to the Casa sitting in the middle of our lane was a soft shell turtle about the size of a large pizza.  Bug jumped out to try and move it, but those shells are so soft and they are so scary looking with their giant paddle like hands and feet, so picking it up was out.  He was a bit feisty but we were able to facilitate it back to the water filled ditch it had come out of, and after a stern discussion about crossing the road we left.  As we were coming up to the house what should we see on the side of the road?  Another turtle.  This one appeared to be digging a hole to lay eggs.  Her choice however was the sandy mud right next to the road.  So that she was on the road as she dug.  Bug jumped out and grabbed her up.  She was a lovely slider with a very yellow underbelly.  We took her home with us and then placed her in similar sandy muddy area and left her alone to take care of her business.  Wacky wildlife Wednesday.

Bug's brother Ron flew in on biopsy Wednesday and Thursday the two of them loaded the rental truck with their parents belongings.  Bug had hired the guys we used before to move the boxes out of the house and up into the truck.  Then Bug and Ron packed it in.  Thursday night we were all so tired that the five of us had dinner at the local buffet and we three 'younger folk' left before Mom and Dad had even started their main part of their meal.  I don't know how they did it, but after staying up until the wee hours of each morning they finally got everything packed somewhere and Saturday afternoon Mom, Dad and Ron drove off with the three vehicles and all of their belongings.  I am 58 years old and have only known these people for a short time, but this was way harder than I could imagine.   Bug and I both felt, well, orphaned sort of.  I know that sounds silly at our age, but I can not imagine seeing these two people I have grown to love so dearly ever again.  Saying good bye was saying good bye.  It is not that I won't talk to them on the phone.  As soon as I can get the number I will call Mom.  She has called her a couple of times, but I have only gotten to talk to her once.  These past 6 months that they have been here were so filled with bringing them into our lives and our community.  And then whoosh they were gone.  Yes, we have had a lot more time to work on the house, and it is paying off, but it is another loss for both of us. 

Friday we took a bit of time off and after a busy morning we rode the Harley down to the marina.  We had lunch on the river and watched the large mouth bass as they lazed in the shallow water.  One of the bass was huge, like 5 - 8 pounds.  He is a regular their and we were lucky to get to see him this time.  It was a lovely ride.

Saturday we worked at the Casa.  I unpacked  boxes and bags I had used to transport our belongings so that I could repack them again for another trip.  Saturday morning had started with Carolyn inviting me to go with her to a movie, but I felt I needed to get some things unpacked.  I really appreciated that she called me and asked about the movie.  Mary called a little later and we just had a sweet chat.  I said she sounded wonderful but I think it sounded more like I was commenting on her health.  She just sounds so happy and relaxed and intelligent and wonderful.  Not in comparison to anything.  Just at that moment she made me smile and took a Saturday with two sweet moments, but was a very hard day.  I had weighed myself that morning and 112.2.  I was frustrated.  I was overwhelmed and stressed.  It doesn't matter how many times it happens, it is never any easier to take.  But after a few minutes talking to sweet Mary, I felt better.  Two special friends who reached out and made a difference in a hard day.

Bug had made a little special place for me on our little back porch.  It is perfect.  I needed my porch.  The Florida room is open like a porch, but it isn't a porch.  Now I have both. 

The house is coming along. 
I am hanging in there, but honestly I feel miserable a lot lately. 
I know I wore myself out with all the doings these past few weeks. 
I am still struggling. 
I know that there has been a lot of loss lately also.
I am fine, but my light is not so bright.
My joy not so easy to fine
my sense of humor seems to be buried deep.

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