That might be more wishful thinking then reality. I have lost my sense of humor. I have found bits and pieces of every now and again.Over all, I notice that where a smile was my norm, it does not seem so these days.
I have no reason to be this way. We are getting closer everyday to moving into our home. Bug has started on laying the bamboo floor in the bedroom. We put the goat fence up on Father's Day. Well, I handed him the screw/bolts and he did everything else. I have moved boards for him and brought him things as he has needed for the house, but he is doing 99% of the work.
I had come up with a new strategy for gaining weight. Nothing tastes right and even when my stomach says it is hungry I have a terrible time finding something I can actually eat. Oh, and that has calories. As I have said before, I should have learned to eat junk food years ago. It is just too late for me now. I thought I would simply make sure that I eat three meals a day. Not big meals, just try and eat some balanced meals, small but healthy. Then eat a package of peanut butter crackers twice a day. Simple enough. That should get me over 112 pounds. I made two meals and two packages of crackers and a very small bowl of ice cream, or a glass of whole chocolate milk. I hoped it might soothe my stomach with the dairy and increase my calories. So, two days I made it close and then last night I weighed myself as I went to bed and I weighed 115 pounds. Wooohoooo!!! Then about 2:00am my stomach revolted and by the time I got up at 9:00am I was back down to 112, and exhausted from getting up and down so many times with my tummy. sigh.
I ran into a couple I had not seen since before I was diagnosed with the little c. She had tried out for the first play I was directing. She is a talented community theater actor. She does great voices. But unfortunately another woman walked in as I was finalizing the cast who was any Director's perfect person for this one part and after discussing the situation with the rest of the cast, we decided to cast the new person. I am sure it was pretty difficult for her. She and her husband had been a big part of the previous years Spring murder mystery and now she was cut out of a part. Anyway they actually saw me first and waved. I was so happy to see them I ran into the restaurant and gave each of them a hug. I commented on how much weight her husband had lost. It was well over 100 pounds and he is looking so much healthier. The woman in her typical straight forwardness said, "You are so skinny!?!?!" I do not pretend to be kind or gentle when I tell people about this situation. I simply said, "That is what happens when you have Stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer." She pulled back like I had slapped her. I honestly felt terrible I had been so blunt, but she bounced back right away, bless her heart. She something like she was so proud of me. She probably meant my attitude but I was confused and a little embarrassed I explained it was genetic, I really could not take any credit for it. She laughed and said something about "fighting". You know how over sensitive I am about "fighting" cancer. I tried to hold back my tongue, but I did tell her I had decided not to fight, but to just do the best I could with the situation. We hugged and I was gone after just a couple of minutes.
We have seemed to lay low these days as I have not been feeling that great. Not, that bad, but not that great. However, we did go over to friends house on Friday night for a little get together just down the road. We knew a few of the people, but many were family of our friends and we had never met them before. Both families are from Key West. Real Conchs. Their families go way back, at least 5 generations. One of the in-laws was a fireman in Key West and all of them lived near or just off of Valera Street. When I first moved there I lived on the corner of Truman and Valera. So we had a lot in common and he spun stories about living in Key West and being a fireman and Bug and I both just ate it all up. It was a lovely evening and we are both enjoyed ourselves so much. These are such wonderful friends. I have only known them for about seven years, which for me is not that long. But they are the people of this community, that Bug and I have adopted, and that they adopted also.
Bug and I spend more time at the house then we do at Farmboy. We still sleep here and do most of our meals here, but just to sit in that Florida room. The air conditioner is giving us a bit of trouble. We have had no air conditioner for almost a week now. Not that it is a problem downstairs. Even with mid 90s in this almost summer weather, just flip the ceiling fans on and wallah! The temperature is perfect. Caroline finally made it over to see the house. I still need to get Mary and Glen and the rest of the Stage Company over. We will have a party the beginning of July. Hopefully we will be mostly in by then.
While we were putting the goat fence up I moved a garden block and underneath it was a snake surrounded by eggs. At first we thought she was dead, possibly smashed when the blocks were thrown there. But she did move at one point, so I carefully secured the block back over her nest and left her there. What kind of snake? Oh, just one of those garden variety snakes. Honestly I really couldn't tell you what it was, other than it was not a rattlesnake, corral snake or copper head. Those are the only poisonous snakes here, so there was no reason to hurt the potential family. Hopefully they will prosper and move out closer to the swamp and keep all the undesirables away.
We took the dogs over to the house so that they could be with us during the day instead of being home alone getting into what kind of mischief. Also they miss us terribly. Bug put the dog door in and they will be able to come and go from the Florida room as they like. They will not be living in the rest of the house. If I was stronger and not so easily knocked down by them, then trampled. If I was able to clean up properly after them. But I am not. They are simply so strong and happy and I am not so sure on my feet or very strong anymore. I am not a 70 pound weakling. After all, I am still up at 112, and hoping to figure out how to gain more, and still able to help. They have a wonderful area fenced off to protect them, as well as keep them from running off. It has sunny spots, shady spots and cool damp areas right behind the house. The Florida room is nice sized, and at this point the room we spend 90% of our time. I doubt that it will change all that much.
My baby brother turned 55 last month. My big brother turned 63 last week. I will be 59 this coming October. I am still here. It will be 4 years in about 3 weeks. I am looking forward to celebrating that day. It changed my entire life in way I had never expected, but it is nice to have a date to mark time by.
I was watching Fanny on AMC today. One of the characters says something like, 'It is not dying that I mind so much, it is the fact of not living that bothers me.' Is that great or what??? I might start using that.
The Watermelon Festival has started but we have not done anything yet. Carolyn and I are going to the Fashion Show on Thursday. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the Oncologist. We will see how it goes.
I have no reason to be this way. We are getting closer everyday to moving into our home. Bug has started on laying the bamboo floor in the bedroom. We put the goat fence up on Father's Day. Well, I handed him the screw/bolts and he did everything else. I have moved boards for him and brought him things as he has needed for the house, but he is doing 99% of the work.
I had come up with a new strategy for gaining weight. Nothing tastes right and even when my stomach says it is hungry I have a terrible time finding something I can actually eat. Oh, and that has calories. As I have said before, I should have learned to eat junk food years ago. It is just too late for me now. I thought I would simply make sure that I eat three meals a day. Not big meals, just try and eat some balanced meals, small but healthy. Then eat a package of peanut butter crackers twice a day. Simple enough. That should get me over 112 pounds. I made two meals and two packages of crackers and a very small bowl of ice cream, or a glass of whole chocolate milk. I hoped it might soothe my stomach with the dairy and increase my calories. So, two days I made it close and then last night I weighed myself as I went to bed and I weighed 115 pounds. Wooohoooo!!! Then about 2:00am my stomach revolted and by the time I got up at 9:00am I was back down to 112, and exhausted from getting up and down so many times with my tummy. sigh.
I ran into a couple I had not seen since before I was diagnosed with the little c. She had tried out for the first play I was directing. She is a talented community theater actor. She does great voices. But unfortunately another woman walked in as I was finalizing the cast who was any Director's perfect person for this one part and after discussing the situation with the rest of the cast, we decided to cast the new person. I am sure it was pretty difficult for her. She and her husband had been a big part of the previous years Spring murder mystery and now she was cut out of a part. Anyway they actually saw me first and waved. I was so happy to see them I ran into the restaurant and gave each of them a hug. I commented on how much weight her husband had lost. It was well over 100 pounds and he is looking so much healthier. The woman in her typical straight forwardness said, "You are so skinny!?!?!" I do not pretend to be kind or gentle when I tell people about this situation. I simply said, "That is what happens when you have Stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer." She pulled back like I had slapped her. I honestly felt terrible I had been so blunt, but she bounced back right away, bless her heart. She something like she was so proud of me. She probably meant my attitude but I was confused and a little embarrassed I explained it was genetic, I really could not take any credit for it. She laughed and said something about "fighting". You know how over sensitive I am about "fighting" cancer. I tried to hold back my tongue, but I did tell her I had decided not to fight, but to just do the best I could with the situation. We hugged and I was gone after just a couple of minutes.
We have seemed to lay low these days as I have not been feeling that great. Not, that bad, but not that great. However, we did go over to friends house on Friday night for a little get together just down the road. We knew a few of the people, but many were family of our friends and we had never met them before. Both families are from Key West. Real Conchs. Their families go way back, at least 5 generations. One of the in-laws was a fireman in Key West and all of them lived near or just off of Valera Street. When I first moved there I lived on the corner of Truman and Valera. So we had a lot in common and he spun stories about living in Key West and being a fireman and Bug and I both just ate it all up. It was a lovely evening and we are both enjoyed ourselves so much. These are such wonderful friends. I have only known them for about seven years, which for me is not that long. But they are the people of this community, that Bug and I have adopted, and that they adopted also.
Bug and I spend more time at the house then we do at Farmboy. We still sleep here and do most of our meals here, but just to sit in that Florida room. The air conditioner is giving us a bit of trouble. We have had no air conditioner for almost a week now. Not that it is a problem downstairs. Even with mid 90s in this almost summer weather, just flip the ceiling fans on and wallah! The temperature is perfect. Caroline finally made it over to see the house. I still need to get Mary and Glen and the rest of the Stage Company over. We will have a party the beginning of July. Hopefully we will be mostly in by then.
While we were putting the goat fence up I moved a garden block and underneath it was a snake surrounded by eggs. At first we thought she was dead, possibly smashed when the blocks were thrown there. But she did move at one point, so I carefully secured the block back over her nest and left her there. What kind of snake? Oh, just one of those garden variety snakes. Honestly I really couldn't tell you what it was, other than it was not a rattlesnake, corral snake or copper head. Those are the only poisonous snakes here, so there was no reason to hurt the potential family. Hopefully they will prosper and move out closer to the swamp and keep all the undesirables away.
We took the dogs over to the house so that they could be with us during the day instead of being home alone getting into what kind of mischief. Also they miss us terribly. Bug put the dog door in and they will be able to come and go from the Florida room as they like. They will not be living in the rest of the house. If I was stronger and not so easily knocked down by them, then trampled. If I was able to clean up properly after them. But I am not. They are simply so strong and happy and I am not so sure on my feet or very strong anymore. I am not a 70 pound weakling. After all, I am still up at 112, and hoping to figure out how to gain more, and still able to help. They have a wonderful area fenced off to protect them, as well as keep them from running off. It has sunny spots, shady spots and cool damp areas right behind the house. The Florida room is nice sized, and at this point the room we spend 90% of our time. I doubt that it will change all that much.
My baby brother turned 55 last month. My big brother turned 63 last week. I will be 59 this coming October. I am still here. It will be 4 years in about 3 weeks. I am looking forward to celebrating that day. It changed my entire life in way I had never expected, but it is nice to have a date to mark time by.
I was watching Fanny on AMC today. One of the characters says something like, 'It is not dying that I mind so much, it is the fact of not living that bothers me.' Is that great or what??? I might start using that.
The Watermelon Festival has started but we have not done anything yet. Carolyn and I are going to the Fashion Show on Thursday. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the Oncologist. We will see how it goes.
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