My cheeks are Rosy and bright, the steroids. My eyes are glassy and red. That is because I lay in bed at night and try to figure out if I am asleep or not. Am I in a dream, or simply laying awake. I can't tell what is real in those dark hours of night. I get up and wander around, try to read, look at a garden magazine, pet the animals, sit in my red chair and try to relax. Then I head back to bed, trying night to wake Bug and slip back into the warmth of the covers where I lay there again watching the light slip between the cracks into the room. I only take 6 roids each treatment. Two the day before, the day of and the day after treatment. Today I feel like a zombie, exhausted, glassie eyed with lack of sleep. I have been experiencing nausea and that overwhelming need to sit down this time. The last treatment didn't go so bad. This one isn't that bad, but more then I needed right now. Or is this exactly what I needed? A reminder to only do what can be reasonably done. I didn't get much done yesterday here at the house. Bug and I did get out and run some errands. I did buy tulle. No crepe bells or bows or doves, but maybe a little tulle hanging from tarp cover we may use, well Okay. I love ribbons. Hopefully this will look a little ribbonish with the tulle floating in the sun.
The weather looked earlier like a perfect warm sunny day for our wedding, but now it looks like it might no be that warm. Hopefully we are still looking for 70s. I would love to wear my silk, but angora will work too. I will just feel beautiful standing there next to my sweet man. He thinks I am beautiful. that is all that matters
A little bloody nose this morning, but not too bad. I can do this. A new chapter in my life and I want to enjoy it. Right now, it feels like someone beat my abdomen with bamboo sticks. Not really helping me to push past the sit downs. This is still nothing like the treatments when I got the flu. But this is really no fun. Stomach issues. but hey, better this weekend then next!
It is the wrong cold again today. Just too cold. The air smells fresh and crisp with a light fragrance of wood smoke. But to enjoy that, means being outside. No, no, that is not me today. Looks like I will rest my body a little bit. Write a new list and throw out the old one. Get my head on straight for this last week. I need to do a good company house cleaning. I just did this a week or so ago, so it will be easier this time. I need to locate a couple of possible locations for the ceremony and see what I can do simply and with little fuss to look it's best. I should be able to see what the cold did to the flowers tomorrow when it is a little warmer
Right now Bug and I are watching Good Eats. Alton Brown's cooking show. We saw one of my two favorites, The Legend of Squid Boy. Now he is talking about salmon. The show opened up with Alton on a small fishing boot on Tilamook Bay. Bug's brother Ron and Linda live up there and we got to see them last year on our trip around the country.
Yes, I realize I am jumping on around. That is what I am trying to relax and calm so that I can sleep. The roids cause my brain to jump constantly. It gives me a headache and it is hard to focus or accomplish things, and all that spinning and swirling in my head I think is why I am feeling so nauseous. Maybe.
It is all okay, because this will pass and I will marry my best friend, and life will get back to our life together, a little quiet, a little travel, a little less hectic. When the slow downs don't really matter. And our friends are coming to celebrate with us. Just that simply. Nothing else matters. Some good food shared by friends, together, happy, cake, I mean, really, how hard is this. And today there is so much fresh tasty packaged food you can simply throw in the oven. So as people start arriving we can have healthy food available, easy to cook, easy to eat and focus on seeing each other. Renewing old friendships, introducing new friends. So, hanging in there, still on track, maybe just choo chooing along a little slower.
The weather looked earlier like a perfect warm sunny day for our wedding, but now it looks like it might no be that warm. Hopefully we are still looking for 70s. I would love to wear my silk, but angora will work too. I will just feel beautiful standing there next to my sweet man. He thinks I am beautiful. that is all that matters
A little bloody nose this morning, but not too bad. I can do this. A new chapter in my life and I want to enjoy it. Right now, it feels like someone beat my abdomen with bamboo sticks. Not really helping me to push past the sit downs. This is still nothing like the treatments when I got the flu. But this is really no fun. Stomach issues. but hey, better this weekend then next!
It is the wrong cold again today. Just too cold. The air smells fresh and crisp with a light fragrance of wood smoke. But to enjoy that, means being outside. No, no, that is not me today. Looks like I will rest my body a little bit. Write a new list and throw out the old one. Get my head on straight for this last week. I need to do a good company house cleaning. I just did this a week or so ago, so it will be easier this time. I need to locate a couple of possible locations for the ceremony and see what I can do simply and with little fuss to look it's best. I should be able to see what the cold did to the flowers tomorrow when it is a little warmer
Right now Bug and I are watching Good Eats. Alton Brown's cooking show. We saw one of my two favorites, The Legend of Squid Boy. Now he is talking about salmon. The show opened up with Alton on a small fishing boot on Tilamook Bay. Bug's brother Ron and Linda live up there and we got to see them last year on our trip around the country.
Yes, I realize I am jumping on around. That is what I am trying to relax and calm so that I can sleep. The roids cause my brain to jump constantly. It gives me a headache and it is hard to focus or accomplish things, and all that spinning and swirling in my head I think is why I am feeling so nauseous. Maybe.
It is all okay, because this will pass and I will marry my best friend, and life will get back to our life together, a little quiet, a little travel, a little less hectic. When the slow downs don't really matter. And our friends are coming to celebrate with us. Just that simply. Nothing else matters. Some good food shared by friends, together, happy, cake, I mean, really, how hard is this. And today there is so much fresh tasty packaged food you can simply throw in the oven. So as people start arriving we can have healthy food available, easy to cook, easy to eat and focus on seeing each other. Renewing old friendships, introducing new friends. So, hanging in there, still on track, maybe just choo chooing along a little slower.
You are one heavily brave amazing woman to discuss all that you are going through so clearly* I mean most people would have just curled up and tried to sleep on the couch through the day, but here you are, letting us all know... its so tough these meds you are taking, its amazing that you can string one word in front of another.. don't think I would have been able to !!! I am over here, thinking about you over there with all your wedding plans and how wonderful that day is going to be and its not long to wait, until you are standing there with him, and being joined forever and ever... amazing... God, I wish you knew how many people think you are one amazing person... keep chin up and all will be well... thinking of you and sending loads and loads of hugs that you feel a bit better hour by hour.. all my thoughts with you this sunday night.. janzi
ReplyDeleteMrs. Kathleen... you are just so amazing... :) I mean wow! You are truly one of the strongest, bravest, most amazing women I have ever met. I am so glad that I met you in Hot Dogs, Cool Cats, and have gotten to know you over the years. Amazing!
ReplyDeleteMuch Love! <3
Damaris Britton