Sittin On A Porch

Sittin On A Porch
Our little back porch

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Life in a Fake Believe world

r\T hat is a Jack Williams ism "Fake believe".  that just happens to describe my world way too often, and I believe maybe Ms Moon also.  We both love that saying and make sure to point it out when our world has become fake believe.  Like when we are doing a play.

And between the inability to function on a very basic level because of my tooth, trying to stay mentally involved in a play that is opening in a week, while I put everyone out by missing rehearsals, is very much fake believe.  I am not the sort to make a commitment and then not be more involved.  That is one of my best faults, I am involved in what ever commitment I make.  I participate fully.  So I feel fully guilty for missing all the rehearsals.   But funny about my guilt  I take an anti anxiety pill and pass out from all the combination of meds they have coursing through my body and I sleep for 5 - 8 hours at a time.  I am only able to stay away 1 - 2 before passing out.  Right now I am writing this with my eyes at half mast.  But I feel the need to record some of the most amazing loveliness I am having.  As I read it again, I realize I was actually asleep when I wrote this.  I have gone back through it and corrected the spelling, typos, etc.  I had such a lovely several days, even the sleeping, but now I am trying to wake up and go to the store and take care of my animals as they should be taken care of.

Thursday, Sioux and I did not do much.  We just sat at home and watched Tron Legacy with Jeff Bridges.  I think it is an action adventure movie.  I am not sure, I slept through most of it, then went to bed.  It couldn't have been 8:00pm  maybe earlier.  I slept the entire night.

Friday we made soap with ms Moon.  It was wonderful.  And the soap that is made by friends coming together to laugh and work, well the soap is  happy and works harder.  I know, probably quantum physics for all I know.  Ms Moon tells it better then I ever could here:  Soap

Then we had lunch the three of us, Sioux, Mary Moon and myself at the Rosemary Tree and it was a wonderful day.   Life is good with friends, essential oils, vegetable fats and oils up to your elbows, thermometers, chicken salad, quiche, laughterand then it all comes together at the end of the day, soap.  Orange, Rosemary soap with orange peal and lavender, oatmeal with ground oatmeal, lavender flowers and plum clay for coloring and a little scrub ability. 

That night Sioux and I picked up Carolyn and we headed to Thomasville to see the Poe One Act Plays at TOSAC and it was a lovely time.  We dined at George and Louie's then went to the play, where it was a sparse attended opening night show.  Empty seats enjoying a very fine performance.  I hope everyone has marked their calendar for this well done evening performance.  It was extra special to me because my friend David Null, very talented member of TOSAC performed with his son Samuel and in the audience that night was Samuel's 2 month old son Alezander.  Three generations, and David looked so happy about it.  It was a lovely night, but I wore myself down.

Saturday I was up early with the animals, as normal and got to spend some time talking to friends. on the phone.  It was my 56th birthday.  Sioux slept later then I have ever known her to.  It felt good that she was able to feel comfortable enough to sleep.  That or there has been a sleeping potion put on this house.  We got going around noon towards the Butterfly Festival.  I was tired, so in no rush to go, but still looking forward to this annual migration south with the butterflies before they strike out over the gulf.  I grow milkweed at Labrun.  I grew as much as I could down in Bokeelia also.  It is a pretty plant and has lovely flowers.  Draws ladybugs for the aphids and monarch for the larval stage.  Throw in a few passion vines, a penta, and the myriad of fall blooms and our yards dance and float and twitter and move constantly through the ever changing butterflies, birds and blossoms.  What a quietly glorious time of the year.  Not the big Spring Glorious with loud joyful thanks giving from a long cold winter  And not the glorious of the heavenly hosts.  My favorite part of the bible.  A sky crowded with heavenly hosts all signing in joyful celebration of the birth of a child.  Now, that is glorious.  No, fall up here, is the opposite, the quiet, but glorious none the less.  The light is different, the dark comes sooner and stays longer, the temperatures are wavering from the familiar heat to the promise of a chill, of cold weather.  Subtler changes, tweaks and adjustments really more then anything, Autumn is the adjustment of Spring and Summer from constant growth to harvest and barren and rest, as mother nature gives the last of herself completely, it is our time to work and reap and celebrate the relationship we have through knowledge of making things grow, and making those things into clothes and food.  And this is the time of year where we celebrate those rerwards.

And the weather was the kind of perfect fall day that you would not even know how to ask for, but you it happens, it is the most perfect of all the weathers ever. We ride down the back roads, the highways less often used these days and saw a herd of 8 deer running together on the other side of the fence along the road. As the breeze would get caught up in the car everyone once in a while the clear sound of a red wing black bird floated clearly through. Bird songs, cicadas and amphibians side by side with other insects all singing into the perfect fall afternoon.

The drive to St. Marks did me in from all the other activity I had so blindly considered no big deal. I was not beat down and tired I rested and then made 7 minute icing, in some odd hope that it would stimulate me back into alertness, which it did not. I iced and sprinkled coconut on the cup cakes and off we headed to the Moon's. 

My dearest Jezebel's were there, well, we were missing one, but she will be back soon and we will have a repeat so that she will be there and so I can enjoy myself. Instead, I was so happy to be around my favorite woman, but my jaw was killing me, and was contorting my face and breathing and voice. I am not taking enough pain pills. I repeated that experience again.  Ms Moon made two fabulous pizzas, one with chicken sausage the other veggie.  We laughed and talked and smiled and enjoyed each other's company.  Sweet thoughtful gifts and cards we shared and life was so precious.

I am going through my closets, foggy brained, helter skelter for the last couple of days trying to get my costume ready for Poe.  I have decided to take my crystal ball down and dress as a Palm Reader.   I need to pull out the material I have on that.  It really isn't so hard to do once you are familiar with the basic lines that everyone knows.  After that you can go just about anywhere and have fun with it.  And as our closets change from summer to fall to winter, we move clothes in and out and we dress up in our clothes and pretend to be other things, fairies, witches, superheros, chefs, princesses, anything you want that will make you feel happy for one day.  Fake believe.  I have costumes for just about every situation imaginable, or the materials to put one together.  I may not have been a girl scout, but I still always tried to be prepared. 

I do not have a good handle on scheduling pain management, but I will be better by tomorrow.  I will simply take them as scheduled and then adjust from there    A lesson you would think I would learn, but I am on drugs, so I do not think well.  And for now.  I am going back to bed.  Wonderful moments, that I can focus one and forget this pain.  Yes, lots of happy moments of a life well enjoyed this past week.  Now to rest.

1 comment:

  1. I haven't called because I hoped you were sleeping. Ah lah, honey. I'll call you tomorrow.