Okay, so it is not a picnic right now

I am ok, but not feeling the best these days.  And I have no voice, so if you call, and I don;t answer, it is because i have no voice and it hurts to try and talk .Other then that the most difficult thing is eating.  My throat does hurt, but I am relatively free of pain from the cancer on the bone.  The chest is uncomfortable, but not unlike it what i am already used to.  I think the hardest part is that I have reached another point where this isn't fun anymore.  I am tired of being sick.  I am tired of feeling helpless to thinking myself well instantaneously.  I understand all of that, but it does not stop me from having a bad day.  And I am having one.  Then I realize that I have not taken my meds.  I get them and a 20 ounce glass of water and I lay down in my sick room with my 5 pills and slowly one one by one I get them down.  Some I smash and mix in water, others are fairly small and I take my time with my mouth filled with water and wait for the pill to get in the right position and then I carefully swallow as open throated as I can.   It is over in a second if all goes well, so even if it is is a little difficult.

Vicki has straightened up the house and made me soup and mash potatoes for lunch, that was sweet.  I am mostly sleeping, but I am ok.  I am just having a bad day, tears, feeling like everything that i need much come from some one else.  I have no idea how long this will last.  I want some watermelon, but we do not have a car, so no watermelon.  I am thirsty, but nothing tastes good.  Just a whine day.  I am sure that it will pass and in every little garden a rain must fall, I just wish some of that rain would be outside in my garden.

I have slept most of the day, maybe i will go back and sleep some more.  At least I can't hurt anyone that way.