Cancer

I just found out that a friend of mine in Monticello just got diagnosed with cancer. She has been through breast cancer, but this is different. They pulled a liter of fluid off her lungs, Oh lord, that sounds like a lot of fluid! And they found the malignant cells in the fluid. She has been coughing and really having a hard time with this. I did not cough very much at all, and did not have a hard time after they aspirated the fluids. Now she will have to wait for the test results and hopefully they will find the source of this cancer. They think it may be in her abdomen.


I have to say that this was harder for me to hear then when I found out about my little c. Maybe I am being given a glimpse into how other people feel. I feel so helpless to do anything for her, and of course I am more worried about her because it has been less then a year since she was dealing with the breast cancer. Neither her husband nor I brought that fact up. We did not say anything about our fears of what this could mean. We just reached out through the phone to each other and tried to sound positive. I know he wanted to hear from me that I am doing fine, that she will be fine. I hope that I could give him a piece of that. I hope that her journey is not too hard. I sit here weeping and I think it is for her, but I am not sure. Is there a piece of me that feels guilty that I have had it so easy? I want to think that I am worried about her, but I know that it is more complicated then that.


And I feel so helpless for her. I know she has a loving husband who would do anything for her. And she has friends, and she has already been in the cancer world. But I don’t know if already having been in that world if it makes it easier or harder. I think maybe harder for many. I hope it is not harder for her.


I am thankful for this lesson this morning. This lesson of how hard it is to not be the one with the cancer. I know I have it, but I am not sick and she is, and her husband’s voice wanted so much for me to give him a bit of my strength that this metastasized cancer is not that bad. I tried to send as much of my strength and belief that I am not sick to him. I hope it helped. He does not have cancer, and it is so hard.