New Chemo Patient Class

Ms Denise and I went to my New Chemo Patient class. There were 4 of us, Denise and me and another woman with breast cancer and her friend. They gave us notebooks with lots of helpful information. I really do need to sit down and read all of that, soon, yes, that’s it, soon. And they let us ask questions and just generally explained the process and some things that we can do to minimize symptoms. Like being well hydrated before the treatment. Getting a good nights rest before the treatment. And so on. They really can’t tell you what symptoms you will get, but she was naming some of the chemicals that are used in the chemo that make you loose your hair. Yep, Dr. B is right, I have at least one of those in my mix. But as scary as the unknown is and the high probability that I will loose my hair and get sick, I am looking forward to getting started. The sooner we do this, the sooner, hopefully I will be a cancer survivor. And the sooner I will have an idea of what to expect for the later treatments. I have no idea how many treatments we are talking all in all. We should know more about that after the 3rd treatment.



After all, this journey has helped me to remember what an extraordinary life I have. When I was talking to the Therapist and the Dr. Newman today about things I could do to help with the throat I mentioned that when I was a fire eater we would use aloe vera. Funny, they don’t have that many people who were fire eaters going through radiation. Yes, I was a fire eater back in the days when I clowned in New Orleans and Key West. I wasn’t that great of a fire eater, but I just did a few things with my partners as our big closing number. Basically we would dance with our fire wands and then roll the fire over our arms and then into our mouths and put out the sticks. Our finale was when we would hold our fire sticks in such a way that the person to our right, as we formed a circle could put out the fire of the person next to us with our mouth, so it looked exciting, but really no more fancy then putting out our own fire stick. Fire eating is actually quite easy. Here is the secret, but please, keep it to yourself so it doesn’t take all the fun out of it for others. Fire is made up of oxygen, fuel and heat. So if you take away anyone of those legs of the triangle, the fire will go out. CO2 puts out fire be depriving the fire or oxygen. So as you put the fire in your mouth and you breathe out saying “oooouuuchhh” and close your mouth, you deprive the fire of oxygen and the fire goes out. Simple right? Well, maybe not that easy. You do need to know you fuel and how much fuel is on the stick, and wind, etc. And yes, I had many a blistered tongue, lips and inside of my mouth, but it was pretty cool and I felt very powerful being a part of that world. My parents were not exactly thrilled after all the money they had spent on braces, but it all worked out in the end, and I think they were proud that their daughter for being fearless and knowledgeable about fire. My Dad was a fireman, and my Mother an amazing woman who wanted me to experience as many wonderful things as possible. And I don’t think she meant cancer, but when I feel wimpy and whiny, I think about all the things she dealt with in her life including asthma, a very serious car accident that broke so many bones in her back, neck and wrists and she just never gave up. If they told her she could not walk, she would stay up all night working her muscles just to prove to them that no one was going to tell her what she could or could not do. And she did walk until her last day. And she died of asthma, but she lived a very full life and was a lovely and gracious woman. And I think of her and try to be my best, and really that is where I pull most of my strength for this journey. And soon Vicki will be here. And if I need to think of my Mother all I have to do is look into Vicki’s face and I see so many of the gifts Mother left in her. She is one tough, lovely and amazing woman. And Vicki, Mom always loved you best, but I didn’t mind, because she loved me with all her might also. And there was plenty of love for both of us, oh yeah and the boys too. So chemo in 8 days, and I know that Mary, Judy, Denise and so many other beloveds will be there if I ask. Thank you all. I am so appreciative of your love and belief that I can do this. Because I can. And before you know it I will be teaching clown workshops at the Opera House. Maybe it will give our actors a few more tools about body placement and space, because that is what clowning is, expressing emotion through our body, telling a story based on where we are in respect to the other clowns/actors. And as much as I really don’t want to clown anymore, I love to give people that gift of finding another self hidden inside themselves and to understand the importance of where each person stands on the stage. And isn’t that a lesson for us all. Where we stand on our own stages and who stands with us can make all the difference in the world.