Circle of Life

Life is ever changing and evolving and growing, living, dying, and expressing itself in so many wonderful and wild ways. 

So yesterday Mary and I had so much fun at the audition for the movie director.  Just saying that makes me smile.  I mean really, how fun is this?  And Marcy, who I now think of Mary's and My agent since she turned us on to this guy, said that he was impressed, so maybe one of these days he will have a project that he can use us in.  What a hoot!

And still pain free today, although I feel like I have drank like 10 cups of coffee.  I do not do any type of caffeine because it makes me nervous, jittery, irritating and annoying to others as I interrupt their thoughts and keep wanting to jump up and run around the room.  But it beats the heck out of the pain.  This morning Mary, Owen (who was a great help!) and I met my new best friend, Dr. Shelileah Newman.  Now I am talking about a drop dead gorgeous, fairly young as doctors go, African American woman, with eyes to die for!  And she was funny and sweet and even as she was telling me the problems associated with the radiation, I was like, ok, that's fine. 

She mentioned that since the metathesized cancer on my rib is so close to the heart and lungs they need to be careful not to damage those during the 17 treatments of radiation that should start probably Monday after the Thursday CTsim.  Which is when they will mark the locations and take me through a trial run.  And because the cancer that has metathesized on my C7 vertebrate is so large that they have concerns of it pressing on my spinal column and making me into a quadriplegic or that the cancer could then metathesis into my spinal fluid which I gather is not a good thing. 

I was able to ask her about why no one wanted to do a Pet Scan.  She said that they actually had pretty much done one, in that they ran all of the same tests that are run on a Pet scan, only each test had been done individually rather then all at once.  She said that she doubted that the point of origin could be found with this test, and that they have now looked everywhere the cancer could have metathesized, so she felt that they have what they need, and that the Pet scan would just be redundant to the already completed ones.  That made me feel much better.  And she has confidence in what she needs to do.  She has confidence in me and with Mary, my team member that she has met, and feels that I have made good decisions, and lets just do it.


I told her that I do not plan on fighting this cancer, that is why I have her and that I expect her to use whatever WMDs as necessary and for her to fight this as best as she knows how and I will just go along for the ride.  She smiled and so, ok, we can do that.  See, she is amazing!

So even though this news sounds kind of well, devastating, I would rather say, that I am glad that they know what they are up against, and as for me, well as far as I know there really isn't much say in this for me.  It is what it is, and I don't think as long as I follow the protocols that I can do much to make anything different.

Can you tell the steroids are making me jumpy as I jump from one thought to another, and having a problem staying focused?  But, again, no pain!  But I have to say it is weird to be so jumpy and at the same point struggling to keep my eyes open, because I do just feel tired.  I think that is the pain killer they have me on.  It is very nice and relaxing, but I have to get back to work, lunch is over and I need to get my reports written for the end of the month, quarter and fiscal year.

So, a new doctor with more news, and just about the time that life just might to start to look a little dreary or depressing, you go out to feed your chickens before you go to meet your new radiologist and then on to work, and you find a baby peep hopping around its mothers (Zora Neal and Bea Arthur are sitting side by side on two nests, so really for a one day old peep how lucky!  Two moms!) just being as cute as all chicks are and then pop!  Out of the bunny burrows comes a baby bunny smaller then my fist. 

I am a bad environmentalist.  I raise rabbits and chickens for my fertilizer for my gardens.  I normally have 2 bunnies of the same sex.  But somehow along the line, I obviously screwed up because now I have bunnies everywhere.  And I mean everywhere.  They dug out of the hutch that Herb built them in my chicken coop, and then proceeded to dig burrows under the chicken coop and out into the pasture.  Not a safe thing for bunnies.  So Herb cemented around the coop for me and we secured those little bunnies into the chicken coop.  So they simply dug their tunnels six feet away from the coop in every direction imaginable and in the early morning and late evenings you can see families of these brown, black and white spotted rabbits noshing through the grass and my gardens.  Baby Bunny and Fiver Bunny moved into the barn and Baby comes out to great me each evening when I come home so that I can put out bowls of rabbit chow and scratch for her.  She even lets me pet her a little. 

And of course the problem has become even worse with the bunnies now that I leave the chicken coop door open so that the chickens can come and go as they like.  I understand that this is not an ideal situation.  The last thing I would want to do is to introduce some deadly disease into the wild rabbit population like the conquerors of the native people in the various countries bringing in small pox etc.  Now I do not see any wild rabbits on my property, but I contribute that to the three exceptionally large Labradors.  But that does not mean that my semi-domesticated bunnies might not spread outward.  I am not sure how to contain them, but unfortunately every week I have to bury one that did venture out and got chased or scared, or something because they do not have a mark on them, but they are dead.  So that is keeping the population a little controlled.  And I have noted that the older wiser bunnies do not leave the coop, but to maybe venture out directly in front of the door to the coop and then leap back in the door quickly if anything at all seems to be out of their comfort zone.  I love my bunnies, but I wish I only had a couple, but I will take the best care of the ones I have and try to keep them as contained as possible to minimize any damage to the environment.  I wonder if I would deal with this better if my mind were a little clearer and not so distracted by everything happening.

But I just feel so comfortable within this circle of life that surrounds me.  Baby chickens and bunnies.  Radiologist with  lovely smiles and a sweet voice. Ms Moon right next to me, holding back tears and the little Owen entertaining us and all those around us with his good looks and charm!  I mean this kid is really something adorable!  I told Ms Moon that if he were older and we could tell if this was going to be a hen or a rooster, that I would want him to have it for his own chicken.  He loves and imitates Ms Moon's rooster, Elvis and he loves his rooster.  But I am afraid that if this peep turns out to be another rooster that he will end up as chicken pot pie, and that would be a terrible thing to do to Owen.  "Look Owen, remember your little rooster pet?  That is what you are eating!"  I mean I do understand the circle of life, but I think I will leave the lessons on how that translates into the food we eat to his PopPop and his Daddy.  Both fine intelligent, sensitive men.  Men of nature and hunting and respect and eating what you kill.  They will teach this young man right.  I just know they will.

And I will have my 10 year old nephew up visiting in 2 weeks and going to space camp, and going to movies with me, and out to eat pizza, he loves pizza.  And then I will also get to spend time with his older brother and his parents after that, so life is good.

I am feeling good, albeit jittery and wanting to lay now and sleep while I shake a leg uncontrollably, but no pain, and loving the new animals that have come along.  It is hard life these little creatures have, and to keep the peeps protected safely with their mothers and the baby bunnies with their family is a challenge.  But I will do my best, and if they make it I shall listen to them tell me their names, and love them as much as they allow.  But I shall always have the smile on my face that they brought me this morning.