I looked up to see who was given credit for the song, and apparently no one was given credit. I always believed in the make new friends and keep the old. I think that all of my friends throughout my life have also had that same phlosphy in that I have friends from the first months I was born to friends I have made quite recently. Friends, my favorite way to feel wealthy in your life. To feel happy and amazing about myself because of the wonderful friends I have in my life.
And even if I do not see my friends, my precious loved ones as often as I would like, they are still my friends. They are still as amazing as ever, and after a few words to catch up, I feel like I am right there with them like we see each other everyday.
One of these friends is married to a guy, a friend, I graduated from high school. We were able to catch up at the High School reunion and now on FaceBook. I just loved this text she sent me the other day and I wanted to share it. So here it is with approval from Susan (aka Bird) ...........
See, what a sweet funny writer she is? And she is as sweet and funny and wonderful a person in real life as she is a writer. And she and her honey are as in love today as when they married 30 something years ago. Just love them to death.
I have started taking the neuropathy drugs again to try and get my left leg to work. It has helped considerably with my leg, but the jumping in my hands and arms are back, so trying to hand write anything, or to hold a book to read or work on the computer are extremely difficult. I have chosen to cut back on the meds myself, but I do not notice much improvement yet. This is also the drug that makes me feel sick, but again, still not feeling any better.
You know I don't know if I feel sick because of a flu, the drugs, or is this how you feel when you have cancer? I have never died from cancer before, so maybe this is how you are supposed to feel. But I just keep trying to do my best. I am sleeping a bit better in that I have gotten used to sleeping by myself upstairs in the guest room. Bug sleeps better at night not having to listen to me getting sick, and I sleep better while he cries out in pain in his sleep. Oh yeah, this is quite a "happy" place, not. But at least we are still laughing at each other, or with each other. Well, we are still laughing.
I had the most wonderful treat yesterday. Ms Moon came by to read to me. She had asked a couple of days earlier and I knew immediately what I wanted to hear. Reading is hard lately. Writing is hard, I don't know if my brain is not working or what, but letters and words and my eyes and mind do not seem to all be working in the right sequence. I don't know how to describe it. I have headaches and my eyes, brain, hands, mind seem to be misfiring. Is this a flu? Is this cancer invading my brain? Is this simply being tired? I have no idea, and honestly what difference does it matter?
When I was a child I loved when the teachers or librarians or travelling performers would do flannel boards, or puppets or play the auto harp or read to us. When I was still fairly young, Lauri Jo's Mother read us all the classics, Winnie the Pooh, Little Bear, The Cowboy, Mary Poppins, Pollyanna, The Five little Peppers and on and on. That was my favorite time of day. I would sit so very quiet and just take it all in. Ms Moon read an essay by Loren Eiseley, The Flow of the River. It is my favorite essasy from The Immense Journey a collection of some of his essays. My friend Sarah introduced me to Loren Eiseley.
We talked for a little while and she did not stay long because I grew tired so quickly, but it was as wonderful as I had imagined over the past few days. I tried to tell her about another one of my favorite writers. He is a physicist by the name of Richard Feynman. I could not remember his name to save me yesterday. His essays on physics are extraordinary. His life is overflowing, but that is mostly because he lived it to the fullest. When he was growing up he and his Dad were stamp collectors. His Dad had received a stamp from Tuva and it became a sort of crusade to find the country this stamp had come from. To learn more about Richard Feynman click on that link. He was also a beat nick and co wrote the music for a ballet only using bongo drums. We also talked about chickens and her children and grandchildren, and here I include all her children and grandchildren including to name a few, Billy, Shayla and Waylon. It was a lovely visit and again reminded me how very very lucky/gifted/blessed I am for all the amazing people in my life.
I was first introduced to Feynman by a PBS show.
My honey does so much for me. I walk across the room and I am winded. Will I get better? I have know idea. Am I heading downhill? I don't know. I sit and crochet, read as I can, talk with friends when I can. I wake each morning sick to my stomach, out of breath and generally feeling crummy. But by the time I have gotten some food and meds in my tummy I am ready to live my day. Forgive myself a little more for the crimes blaring in my mind, celebrate those friends that pop into my mind, sit and try not to be too much for my honey. I try and crochet so I feel like I accomplish something. This is not what I would really call what I do living, but it is what I am able to do, so it is as much life as I have to give. I try and take a nap during the day so that I can spend some time in the evening with my honey before I go back to bed. As I lay down in my little nest I try and count my blessings. For a life that fills so little lived, I still have so many blessings/gifts/joy.
I had written a please let me rest, but it came out more as a good by, I am dying. That was not my intention, but I notice I am not quite in tuned with how everyday people thinking. I will include it here at some point, or parts of it. Maybe when I need a good by, but not yet.
This is my life now.
No complaints, just never what I thought it would be.
But I am still here, and when my time is done, I shall smile and leave with a "no regrets" and with nothing by thank you for a happy life.