Quiet Day

Today was a good day.  I scheduled my work at home.  Which consisted of stuffing renewals.  I was able to get most of them done, but ran a little short on supplies, so I can finish then Friday.  I knitted, read a book, took a nap and was awaken by my cell phone ringing and someone calling, "hello", "hello", "Kathleen" and heard my back door open.  I was trying to take a nap, so I woke up  when the phone rang and wondered how someone could open my door and call to me and the dogs not bark.  Well, it was either a dream, or drugs.  That was the most exciting thing that happened today.  I watched a couple of bizarre movies, not the best thing to do when you are barely grasping on to reality.  But what the heck, it just seemed to fit my mood. 


I am not particularly hungry today, but I took the time to fix balanced meals.  Yogurt, fruit, nuts, seeds, grapenuts for breakfast; lunch was scalloped potatoes with a small salad of baby greens, tomatoes and cukes;  Dinner was turkey pesto, peas and scalloped potatoes.  I figure the scalloped potatoes with all the cheese and carbs would be good to keep up the calories.  It turned out to be a little rich, but wonderful in small portions.  But I am eating, and this is the tough week for eating.  But I feel good, although out of it.


Mr. Moon helped me to get my car into the shop to fix a ding that a friend accidentally put in my car while helping me to pick up my furniture last summer.  And he may have found a first possibility for my convertible.  It looks good on paper, we will see what he thinks when gets a chance to go over it.  How exciting.  I was planning on waiting for my birthday in October, but it looks like a wonderful opportunity might present itself sooner.  


I felt better today then after the last treatment, but it has been 5 weeks instead of 3.  I am tired, but not exhausted.  That is good.  Yes, I am a little out of it, but shoot, I ate, I rested, I read, I knitted a little, played with the kids, did some laundry, not bad for the second day after a treatment.  Hopefully tomorrow, I will have another good day tomorrow, early to bed tonight, in fact I am getting ready to head that way now.


Nothing exciting to say, it was one of those days of mixed weather, drizzly, then the sun came out.  It was not so cold, but it was damp and chilly late morning, early afternoon.  I love the rain, my yard needs it so bad.  The dogs and cats were pretty laid back and I joined right in.  And on the 28th of this month, we will run the PTScan to see how the treatment is going.  Then less then a week later we start the next round of treatments.  This time with one less chemical.  Dr. M acts very aggressively with this disease.  I am thankful for that.  I mean once you know you have cancer, you might as well get the best general with the best WMDs.  And then as the CEO of my own life, I rely on my general to fight the battle, and I negotiate the rest of my life and how it will adapt, adjust, survive the WMDs.  I suppose some might say that I am fighting this battle with cancer.  I really don't  see or feel it that way.  It is more like the fact that we are at war here in America with Afghanistan and I think we are still at war with Iraq.  But honestly I am not more actively involved in that war then I am in fighting this cancer.  I am just trying to live as healthy, alive and aware of each moment as I can.  And yet, I can feel that I am getting anxious for the PTScan.  I want the positive feed back that for the first time since April, someone says, there has been a change.  So far for the last 9 months it has been, no change, no change.  I am ready for a change.  I understand that this is not about curing or remission, but just to hear that it is possible to contain it, slow it down, have an affect on it will be a great moment.


Lots going on, that I am trying to keep it all together.  My ex husband, who is in a hospice nursering facility is back on the story of moving to Richard and Colleen's.  But I have been here before, and I am not going to let this stress me out.  And I have tomorrow off to rest again, and then on Friday work, then Sioux.  


A good day, life seems to be moving forward, something it has not felt much like for the last 9 months.  I am happy, time to start focusing on life, not death, put this cancer back into it's small little insignificant "c".  Something to get into perspective, and to live with. Live.  I like that idea.  And it does not matter how long.  Just focus on today.  A good day.