Sittin On A Porch

Sittin On A Porch
Our little back porch

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Okay, take 2

I took the patch off on Wednesday.  It had been such a good idea, and honestly in less then 12 hours I was becoming very aware of how well the patches were working.  I finally gave in last night and took 1/2 of the oxy when I went to bed.  I was hurting, but more I knew I had to start containing the pain before it reached its peak.  I woke over and over last night with stomach issues but I could tell that the pain was not getting any worse.  Exhausted and worn out from the last few days, shoot, a rough week or two, I felt like I was back to square one and with more information then I started this.  I know that the patches work, and that they will be included at some point.  I will have to take other meds to counter act the nausea but they can be minimized by diet, exercise and mental preparation.  I am better prepared now for that.  In the mean time, I understand the oxy a little better.  I need to understand when I am nauseous because of pain, or the need of food, or the need to lay down and close my eyes for an hour.  It is time to take all the things I have learned my entire life and to get through the challenges that are here and yet to come. 

Yesterday, still tired, nauseous and weak Bug and I ran errands.  I found my "vanity" at Wag the Dog for $15.  It is a cool retro metal school desk.  It has the beige formica top and sleek streamline steel legs chromed and then two separate metal compartments, one pinkish the other turquois.  It was not what I was looking for, but when I saw it yesterday, I could see how much fun it would be.  Less work, just a good cleaning and then spray paint the two compartments, some fun colors, maybe a little modern version of the colors then.  And Bug said he would put a new formica top on that will match the kitchen counter tops, and then I can put some kind of fun border, and it is done.  I had just gotten a mirror at the goodwill and it will be perfect with this vanity.

I feel my old hopeful self coming back.  Maybe it is simply illusion is all I can give myself at this time.  I do not feel sorry for myself, just frustrated at my inability to be in control of everything.  Oaky at this point I do not feel in control of anything. 

So what should I do?  Lay down?
No, I can stand being locked in this dark, damp, dirty nasty dog filled trailer one more minute.
I can clean the house.
No choice there.  I think I shall feel a lot less mopey and whiney if I am not afraid to sit on the floor of my house.  So, done, well, the mind is set, I have a whole day to see how far I get.
I want to spend some time outside weeding my garden.
My beans and cucumbers are through the ground.  I saw what might been a squash the last time I was able to get out to look.  I can't wait to see what is coming up today. 
Yesterday, for Earth Day, Bug and I walked around our property.  I giant tree had fallen and missed the back of the new fence by a few feet.  It was huge and was a dead stump about 30 feet tall or so.  It broke off about 10 feet up and the heart was rotted and rich composted material.  We saw a beautiful big skink with a reddish brown diamond shaped head and a shiny gray black body.  He looked at us with resentment for the loss of his house.  I tried to explain that we were as surprised as he was, and that we would not touch anything for a while, and I was sure we could work something out.  He slowly turned his back to us, looked back and stuck out his tongue and then disappeared into the still moist center.  Around another corner we found a pale baby girl pink native azalea.  I was so thrilled.  Later a small box turtle stopped and stared at us, then locked himself up until we left.  In our yard just behind the Florida room there is a weiglia. Okay, I don't really know why I think it is that, but it has the most beautiful green and white variaged leaves.  It is planted in a puddle of sunshine that seems to hold on to that spot all day.  The green and white look like they glow in that light.  It is beautiful, whatever it is.  Next month we will pull the boxwood away from the sides of the house.  I hate to waste plants, and they are perfectly healthy fine box wood, as boxwood go.  But in this giant yard, my ability to work with plants will consist of what is around the house and in pots.  So the boxwoods need to be moved.  They would look lovely running along one side of the fence,  On the end side, it would cut back on the dog trail that will appear around the fence.  These bushes are big enough to stand up to the dogs.  But there are other places we might put them. 

Today, I just hope to sit in the garden for a little while and let the sun wake up this tired old body.  To bend and stretch, slowly in a prayer to remove the weeds from the garden and give them to the babies, circle of life.

I want to make that strawberry cheesecake.  I think I have found a recipe that is simple and give him the taste and texture he likes.  I like finding things to make that he enjoys, even if I don't make them very often.

Since the oven will be on, I need to make banana bread. 


Okay, that should keep me busy for the rest of the week. 
My body and I are on speaking terms,
I need to listen better
and learn how to slow down
maybe it is time

Oh, the green wall is up in the bedroom.  It is beautiful.
The house should be painted by the first of next week.
My honey is driving to Thomasville and picking up the counter tops we got on sale yesterday.  It is actually a color they are not going to carry any longer.  Whatever, it is the color we have wanted and now it is on sale and they have just the amount we need.
We also changed our minds on the backsplash.
We were going with the new glass tiles that are all the rage.  But honestly, I thought they were a little busy and I loved the reflective light from the glass, but I was noticing as we looked each trip that they pieces people looked at were not holding up well at all.  They had broken stones or glass and I realize they go through a lot of wear and tear, but the uneven surfaces also made me think about how easy was this going to be to clean?  Yesterday we saw a woven stainless steel tile.  It is a flat surface, but because of the woven look pattern it seems three dimensional.  It is simple, reflective and less busy then the glass/stone ones.  It was less expensive.  And it is so simple to apply to the wall for the back splash.  I nervously showed him because we had pretty much set things and constantly changing things can be more stressful, but when he saw them he fell in love with them also and they are sitting in the kitchen now waiting for next week when hopefully we can put the kitchen back together.

Okay, in the time it has taken for me to write this, the pills have kicked in and the pressure is better, easier to breathe.  I feel a little less worn down, a little more hopeful that I am going to make it into this new house and watch my garden grow and the crepe myrtles bloom. 

Thank you so much for your sweet dear comments, Janzi, I appreciate the time you took to make my morning a little nicer.

And just thank you to those of you who do come and sit on the porch with me. 
You help to keep me focused on my attitude and being the best I can be.


  1. I was SO hoping the patches would work. I feel almost frantic for you- wanting you to be able to find that zone where you are not in pain but not so blindsided by the drugs that you can't enjoy your life.

  2. You are brave and good to keep going in spite of the pain. The other choice--to lie down--is not a good one. I do hope that you don't over do the whole work thing. I actually don't know what to say here, other than I am thinking of you and wishing you the best.