Sittin On A Porch

Sittin On A Porch
Our little back porch

Friday, January 4, 2013

Sitting still

I am here.  I am alive and doing the best I can. Thank you all so very much for your love and concern.  Your voices ready with a smile or a joke.  I am not.  I am not sick.  Yes, I was running a fever for a couple of days, and did feel very fluish, but I have no idea if I was actually sick or if it is the chemo.  I am not in pain, I am not suffering.  I am completely overwhelmed.  I do not feel capable of doing anything more then sitting.  Sometimes I can read, that is a good sign.  Sometimes I can even follow a movie or TV show.  But it is all hard.  I am not able to navigate my way with people.  Even my dearest most beloved ones.  I will call when I can.  I will text or touch base as I am able.  Please do not worry.  Please let me rest.  Let me find my feet.  Let me sit right now.  I love you all, and your worry and concerns are my fault for not letting you know I am fine, but it is too much.Your love and concern weghs heavy on me.  Please just let me sit.  Leave me to my world of existing.  .  That is all I can do.  I am sorry.

I know this makes no sense, I can not explain.  I just want to sit quietly
and wait
I am back

I will be back.  I am not sure when
I am not sure who I am now,
I am not sure who I will be

But please give me space and time to find my way back


  1. Sending light and love to you.

  2. You know, I have thought about calling you approximately ten thousand times since Christmas, mostly to say thank-you and to tell you that I have worn the sweater you got me every day since I took it out of the gift bag you brought. Every day. I have washed it and put it back on and it has comforted me.
    But. Something has held me back from calling you. Now I know what it was.
    Here I am if you need me. I am loving you.

  3. Always in my heart. Find your feet soon. I love you.