Slow down

Same old story, doing too much, need to rest, need to eat, need to sit down.  I am not getting better at any of this.  Today I did spend most of the day in bed, but it is the first real day of rest that I can remember. 

Yesterday Bug's Mom and I had lunch at Fanny's again.  She calls it the garden restaurant, which is an accurate description.  She had the shrimp and grits, I had the pesto turkey sandwich.  We were both extremely satisfied with our meals.  We sat at the same table in the same room and Mom announced that no one else was allowed to be seated there.  May smiled while she looked over her glasses and made some mumble about we will see how that goes.  Mom just smiled, and when another waiter did bring in two ladies, she announced that this was our room and that they might want to think about eating in here.  Well these two woman, one from Jacksonville, the other Pensacola share grand children.  It is nice that their two children married, but the important thing was that they got to share their grandchildren.  From the hour that we spent talking back and forth during our meals, I would have to say that those are some very fortunate grand children.  They had pronounced to their husbands that they intended to spoil their grand children, and I am sure that it is not with just things.  I am sure that they spoil those children with love and adventure and adoration.  I of course told them about my cancer.  I think it is a defense over how scrawny I look.  I am always insecure, which is probably one of the reasons that I over do, just trying to over achieve to show that I am worthy.  Anyway, they were lovely and kind and gracious and audacious and lovely Southern women that I wouldn't mind spending time.

Then we headed over to JoAnn's so that I could stress myself out over the material to cover the rattan furniture in the Florida room.  I needed 15 yards.  Finally after almost two hours and searching through every piece of fabric in the store we left to check Hobby Lobby.  I was pretty defeated and Hobby Lobby did not have anything I wanted.  So back to JoAnn's where it took three different patterns, two tropical with a black background and one strip with black and greens that looked nice with the other two.  If it is horrible, or when I find what I really want, I will simply recover them, but this will work in the meantime.  Also the material I bought was 50% off, I bought the end of all three bolts so there is another discount and then with a senior 60 or over coupon I got an additional 20%.  I simply could not have spent the kind of money really needed to cover those cushions with out all the coupons.  Mom was my over 60 person and I kept teasing her that I could never have gotten the material without her, and the coupon.  She would tease me back that I referred to her as my 20% off.  We do have an enjoyable time together.  She is funny and has the ability to talk to anyone and everyone.  My Dad was like that also.  I am used to it, and in fact have learned with both of these parents to just let them go.  Mom helped other ladies out buying sewing supplies, etc.  By the time I gave in to the material I bought we were both known by everyone in the store.  She is pretty cute.  But she watched me wear myself out during the day.  Stressing and crawling on my hands and knees looking on the bottom of shelves for every piece of material. 

I drove us back to the Casa house where Dad and Bug had worked all day.  Dad had put both of the ceiling fans up in the Florida room.  They are pretty low.  But they are nice looking and very visible so I am not afraid of anyone hurting themselves by walking into them.

Tuesday Bug and I drove up to my Oncology meeting.  I waited at the doctor's while he got the oil changed in the truck.  Dr. May brought up that my 4 year diagnosis is coming up July 10.  Four years she kept saying, "Didn't he say you only had six months?"  Yes, these are all amazing facts.  But she thought that it was time to revisit my cancer to see what is going on.  She checked with the "committee" to see if they would give me approval for a new drug being tested on non-small cell lung.  The committee did not find me acceptable with the Hepatitis C.  I was a little surprised that she was thinking about trying anything else new.  I also thought she was being very positive about everything.  Then she looked at my left arm and had some concern with what ever is going on.  I will go in next Wednesday (the earliest they could get me in) for a PTscan, and then on Thursday I will go in for a needle biopsy of the lymph nodes.  I have had needle biopsies before and they were not as easy as portrayed.  I will just make sure that Bug takes me just in case it is a little difficult. 

Four years. 
Four years. 

After going to the doctors and trying to explain the significant weight loss we had lunch at Henderson's.  From there we ran errands and after leaving about 11, we finally got home around 7 and I was so very tired.

Monday I had over worked here at the house.  I had done some weeding, planting, replanting, cleaning the chicken coop, cleaning the house.  I made a picnic for Bug, but by the time I got there we were both so exhausted and just came home to eat.

Sunday was Mother's Day and my baby brother's 55th birthday.  I worked all morning baking desserts.  I made strawberry pin wheels with puff pastry and then put a dollop of fresh whipped cream and sliced strawberries.  I also made a neopalotin puff pastry with chocolate mousse, sliced strawberries and fresh whipped cream.  I made a salad and fruit salads.  I dug gingers for garden club, cleaned up and then went to garden club.  We had a lovely meeting at Jennifer's.  The house was bursting with vases and vases of cut roses.  Every color and size of rose and vase.  The house was fragrant and as you looked though the rooms the roses looked bright and happy and old fashioned.  Simply lovely.

After garden club we went over to Mom and Dad's for dinner.  Mom cooked ribs for the three of them and had chicken for me.  She had baked potatoes, cooked cauliflower and asparagus.  I had my salad and desserts.  We also took him Mom flowers, a card and then a plaque that talked about her as a mother.  We had a lovely time.  The stove blew up, but Mom put it out by simply turning off the gas.  It was quite exciting and did not please Mom.  The dinner was delicious and I ate a whole plate of food.  Which did not sit well in my stomach. 

Unfortunately I have continued to have stomach issues.  I had gotten used to not dealing with these because of the oxy, but here I am again.

So today, I rested.  I slept.  I tried to put things back in perspective. 

My honey, who also needs to rest did so this morning, but by afternoon he was heading back to the casa to work.  I went to bed.  I feel like I could lay down and sleep more.  I am light headed and woozy.  I have to be very careful standing up, sitting down or moving quickly.  I don't know if my sugar drops or my maybe my blood pressure, but all I know is that I need to sit down and hold my head until I can try again.

I am weaker and smaller, but I am still getting up as often as I can and trying to live.  Right now I need to make something for my Honey and I to eat.  Then back to bed.  Tomorrow Carolyn and I will go to see the play and I hope to work at the house or the casa and get things done, but we will see what happens.