Dr. Newman

This morning Ms Moon and I went to meet with Dr. Newman.  She is our Radiological Oncologist.  She is amazing.  Beautiful, sweet, warm, affectionate, professional and takes her work very seriously. She looked at my records and talked to us.  It wasn't a long visit, but was filled with lots of interesting information.  Where Dr. Broeseker had said that there was no way to find the primary source of cancer, but it was probably reproductive, her records said it was pulmonary.  The more information that I learn, the worse Dr. Broeseker looks.  Mary brought up that she thought that he was burned out.  Dr. Newman agreed that in her business that is common.  We talked about going to Thomasville and how much we love it there.  She was happy to hear that.  I talked to her briefly about my plans to retire and how much time, statistically that Dr. Mchayla had talked to me about.  She agreed with Dr. Mchayla.  


I went into the office and talked to my Bureau Chief and Assistant Chief.  I told that I am planning on retiring from the state May 31.  They asked me if I was sure I wanted to wait that long.  I said yes, this would give us time to train my replacement and get us through the busiest of the Temik season.  Tomorrow I will give them a letter of intent and will then send in my letter of resignation to the Commissioner when the new one starts after the first of the year.  This will allow them to go ahead and hire my replacement while I am still there and give us time to train her.  


I feel a little anxious about leaving, after all this has been my life for 25 years.  I know I could leave earlier, but I think I will need this time to adjust to my new freedom from work.  And I am just not ready to admit that this is the end.  The end of my employment, coming up on the end of my life.  And yet, I feel like I will still have time to do the things that I want to do.  I am not going to rush my death and I am not going to rush my life.


I am happy with my decisions, with my plans with the timing of things.  I can adjust if I need to.  But in the mean time, while I am going through the treatments, my life remains the same.  No big drastic changes.  Everyone tells me I am brave.  I don't know about that, but I do know that I feel braver with a plan.  And I have my plans, for retirement, travel, buying my convertible, living a balanced life for however I have left.


But here is the true secret for me, is liking who I am.  Trusting my instincts.  And surrounding myself with loving, intelligent, kind and thoughtful people.