Recovering slowly

The chemo was easy, especially with using the new port.  It was a lovely room filled with light and kind, sweet extremely competent people.  But the recovery has been slower then I anticipated.  That is until I think about the last few weeks.  Tests, surgery, days of not eating, probing, prodding, sucking blood out, learning a new doctor, being diagnosed with lung cancer.  Each individual thing has not been that bad, but when you add it all up, well, I am a little worn out.  I had today and tomorrow, free days, no doctors, no work, just take it easy and build my strength back up for next week to return to work and to celebrate Thanksgiving.  


Judy and Ms Moon have been nurturing me and taking care of things, so I did not have to deal with everything on my own, by any stretch.  And yesterday I drove myself to the doctor for my after treatment shot, but driving home I realized how tired I was.  When I got home I sat down in my red chair and fell fast asleep, so I was in bed by 4:30 last night.  I answered the phone when people called, but mostly so they would not worry about me.  I did not get out of bed this morning until 8, which is very late for me.  I was awake earlier, but I gave my stomach and body time to adjust.  And then I have done nothing the rest of the day.   I had big plans, but I let those plans slide as I rested.  And thought and realized that I have been through more lately then I realize and I need to give myself time to heal.  I just feel so irresponsible.  Isn't that funny, by taking care of myself, I feel irresponsible to things like my job and staff.  I do take my job very serious, but honestly I need to keep it in perspective, lung cancer and healing or going to work before I am healed.  Really a no brainer.


Tomorrow?  We will see how I feel tomorrow.  And if I have to take another day of laying around and resting and keeping my stomach quiet, I will.  And if I have more energy then maybe I will run some errands.  Friday Ms Moon will take me to the doctor for the follow up.  Judy will be visiting family.


And I feel like I am in a good place.  I am learning to slow down and place myself higher on the priority list.  My job is important, but not more important then my health.  And the same about all the other stuff in life.  Stuff.  life if full of stuff, isn't that what life is, a collection of stuff, action, things, moments.  And my moments today are precious, not wasted, lived.  And just the right kind of living that I needed today.