The Pain is gone

Quiet. My house is quiet for the first time in a week.  I loved the noise, and now I appreciate the quiet again.


My older brother, his wife Jong Ae and their daughter, Jessica came in last night.  It was late but we got to catch up and then this morning we had a nice big breakfast together.  Jessica my niece is absolutely adorable and sweet and cute as a June bug.  And full of energy and artistic talent and curiosity.  And I love spending time with her, but after this past week she flat wore me out within a few hours.  So they headed out late this morning to get Dad home.  It had been a good week having Dad here, he didn't wear me out, it was all the side effects added in on top of everything that was the straw that broke the camels back.  And I am tired.  But my foot does not hurt so much.


Really, I know the foot is uncomfortable, but I am already used to it.  Now walking, that is a little painful so I just try and stay off my foot.  RICE, Rest, ice, compress and elevate.  I always have the hardest time remembering the order of the words, but when I remember to follow it, my foot does feel better.  So, I am resting today and keeping my foot up and staying off of it as much as possible.  My brother Rob was great, he swept the kitchen and ran the vacuum for me, without me even asking!!!!  I mean how sweet is that.  Jong Ae helped with breakfast and then cleaned the kitchen and helped Rob with the vacuuming.  Jessica kept Grandpa and I entertained, she is really such a delightful child.  And then they left shortly afternoon to drive home.  A short visit, but so special and sweet.  Just like having Dad here.  It was such a pleasure.  He is a story teller, and he has remembered so many ordinary events that now feel special.  Some from the military, his days at Purdue, when he and my mother lived at the summer camp at Culver Military  Academy, his different careers.  Many of the stories I have heard so many times, and this week I enjoyed hearing them again.  He enjoys telling his story and I appreciate this past week to get to hear them.  But no matter how much you enjoy having company,  it is still tiring.  And I am tired.


And my foot is running its course, (get it, running, I just crack myself up, really I do).  When I wake up in the morning the swelling isn't so bad, but I have been resting it and I keep it up on pillows to elevate it.  But within an hour or two it is red and hot again, but the pain is not so bad.  So I can deal with anything again, and instead of feeling stuck because I can't walk, instead it sort of feels freeing because I can't get up and do anything, so why worry, no guilt.  And with my guests doing so much for me  before they left, I really don't have that much on my plate, other then getting enough rest to get to work tomorrow.  Well barring any new side effects or whatever.  And if something else new comes along, oh well.  What can you do?  Just roll with it, I guess.  


And Jan is in the hospital dealing with her own situation.  And I don't feel like I can go and see her, and it feels terrible that her she is going through something and I am not there.  I don't know what I can do, but I have to think of something.  I wonder if anyone has thought to take dinner to Jack?  Why haven't I?  Ok, I have been a little tied up with some self involvement here, and trying to get it through my head that I have to learn to give where I can, instead of feeling guilty for not doing everything.  But I could at least send her a card, or a book or some scripts, or maybe some lotions, you always get dry in the hospital.  I will think of something.

And I have to get birthday presents, Owen will be one!  And then Collin and then Waylon!  The boys are all turning one.  Big boys.  Time to buy presents.  I love to buy people presents, and such special little boys.  And don't forget Lily.  Her birthday is hidden amongst all the firsts.  But she is so special, that sweet, loving mother of little Owen.


So to have the ability to not live in the dark, or anger or fear or pain, but instead to just keep moving forward and remember the good, the sweet the fine, and to forget the pain and difficulties, that is the secret to surviving this journey and not loose yourself.  Well, that is how I am doing it for now, and the journey has given more then it has taken from me.