Needed

I didn't sleep well last night, neither did Maggie.  I gave her an aspirin tonight, I hope that helps her poor arthritic self sleep better.  About 4:00 a.m. I sort of gave up on sleeping and just lay in bed with Henry at my feet and Bob with his head on my chest gently snoring.  I just let my mind wander around.

I had just started reading the Kris Radish book, she describes how the main character turns her cell phone off for the first time since she bought it.  She is a Mother after all, and a nurse, someone might need her.  Isn't that what we all say about our phones, computers and other devices that keep us connected 24 hours a day?  We all have a child or parent, a sibling maybe, a neighbor, a job.  Someone "who might need me".  And isn't it funny that I would guess that most people would give that as one of the top three reasons they have their devices, "someone might need me".  And isn't that an important feeling, to be needed.  Kim and I talked about how older people live longer and happier if they are needed for something.  My dad says that he is still around because he makes people smile with his stories.  But honestly, we hope not to get that call.  We want to be needed more then necessarily having to deal with the needed situation. And that is not bad.  That is the world we live in now, separated watching movies from home, emailing friends instead of spending time with them.  And honestly we do not want an emergency phone call from a beloved one.  But we want them to know that the device is on, "if they need me."


But you know the weird thing I thought of, was that right now I could turn off my cell phone.  Because instead of being the one that might be needed, for one of the first times in my life I am the one that needs.  And it is a scary amazing feeling.  To know that many loving generous souls that are willing to help, to buy me bananas or ice cream or a watermelon.  That someone would make mashed potatoes and make extra ones so that I will have something to eat.  That if I ask someone right now to drive me to G'ville next weekend to get my Dad, they would do it.  What an over whelming feeling to be surrounded by such beloved people.  And as much as I love to be needed, I have to say, giving in and trying to let someone be needed by me, is pretty wonderful.  And I will stop it right there, I will not let the guilt that I take advantage of someone slip in and ruin this time.  Shed the guilt, OK, be aware that you need to shed the guilt, and try to be open and accept the position of the one that needs and let people give.  A big lesson to learn, but one that I think might be one of the most important lessons, accept and respect and love others more for what they have to offer instead of worrying that you do not have enough to give.  


Accept and respect and love others more for what they have to offer, of their gifts, their love, their friendship.  I am grateful for this gift most of all.