This weekend the local Shakespeare Group brought the Tempest to the Opera House. It is my favorite Shakespearean piece. I love the sea monster and the sheep, and overly innocent Miranda, spirits and nymphs and he who can control the weather. That is my favorite part. How he can call up the storms or soothe the troubled seas. I love that! They did a performance last night and then the matinee today. It was a small crowd and I only made it through intermission, but I enjoyed the production. I enjoyed getting up and putting on going out clothes and sitting quietly by myself in the dark watching one of my favorite pieces. There were people just seats away from me that are my friends through the Opera House that I got to talk to during intermission. Special people that I am so fond of.
This morning while I watched Charlie Osgood on Sunday morning I wrapped little tin toys in white tissue with either a red or green ribbon. These will sit tucked in between the juice glasses filled with flowers, maybe roses, maybe mums or carnations, whatever flowers look the bestat Christmas for the Christmas table . Also mixed in with the toys and the flowers are single bite candies wrapped to look like little packages. Each place will have an activity book with a box of crayons under their plate and a English Christmas Cracker placed on top of the plate. A table over loaded with surprises and small presents. To make the meal as much of a celebration as the rest of the day. Sometimes I weave ribbons in and out of the glasses of flowers. Last year everyone got a Godiva Chocolate Santa, this year are the tin toys. There are almost a dozen of us and for as little a $5 per person I can purchase a bundle or two of flowers, cut local greenery, pick out a toy, a few chocolates, ribbons and a Cracker for each person. I mean you can not complain over that, and after dinner as we all sit around the table and talk and laugh and color in our activity books or play with our toys and spend another hour or so together. That is what Christmas is for me. Some years I buy little brass bells for everyone and after the blessing and before we eat, we ring the bells giving as many angels wings as possible. Sometimes if you listen carefully not only can you hear the bells, but you can hear the whisper of new wings and singing. Singing like the heavenly hosts, joyful, happy songs filled with hope. This year instead of bells, we will hear the whir of keys being turned and the rrrrrrrrr of the motor as the toy skids or hops or spins across the table. Joy
I used to make the Christmas crackers but it is hard to get the snaps needed to make the crackers. Well, that and there was the fire. OK, more of a smoldering instead of an actual fire. A tiny spark had flown up as Rob and Jong Ae snapped their crackers one year. It happened in slow motion as we watched the spark fly through to air and then hit Jong Ae's pants and they just burst into flame and then quickly a smolder. Rob, pushed his napkin on it and smothered it out immediately and no one was harmed, but one pair of pants did have a small yet noticeable hole. I have purchased them ever since. liability.
Happy holidays!
I haven't done as well getting presents bought as I have done on ordering the table toppers, but I am checking lists, revising and rereading lists so that after Thanksgiving I can get my shopping done. I love the holidays, My birthday, Samhein, All Saints Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. I mean bam, bam, bam. We have a sound effect prop that is wood hinged with handles so that you can slam the boards together and back repeatedly making this Tommy gun sound. And that is how the holidays fell for me. But this year, some how I feel like I have a better sense of the timing, well for now. Next week is chemo, post chemo shots, and follow up visit with the surgeon. Three days with appointments. But how will I react to the chemo? I am not sure, so I am leaving Wednesday and Thursday as open days. I have things I would like to accomplish, but if I need to spend a day sitting in front of the TV knitting a scarf, that is OK.
This year, I will scale back on so many casseroles, and have a fewer number of people gathered, but I am already looking forward to it. I am looking forward to the opportunity to cook for people I care about. People who are giving so much these days to take care of me. I wouldn't mind a few more, maybe, for dinner, but having a small traditional dinner with a few loved ones to share it with, sounds so special.
I am looking forward to these holidays and on into the next year. I am looking forward to the cold and the frosts that I will whine about as I sit in my red chair looking out at the impossibly blue sky, but the temperatures that I would not want to be in. And Valentine's day and Easter and spring with bulbs pushing through the ground, bringing flowers of every color as the spill out into yard. Waves of colors moving through the gardens first in one place then a week later a new spot in the garden bursts out. Then the heat and slow hard growth of our gardens, harvesting the three sisters, and eggplants, peppers, tomatoes and basil and looking forward to cleaning out the garden to plant the fall garden. There is always something to look forward to.
For me this cycle seems to start in the fall. Maybe that is because of the years of schedules centered around school. September, football, the first of the mums opening, crisp weather and changing leaves. And the cycle is starting to speed up a bit here to tackle Thanksgiving and use the momentum of tradition and family, script and unconditional love, pilgrims and turkeys, diversity. After all the first holiday signalling the importance of European intrusion into the Americas was shared by the local people. I mean I understand they didn't sit around and watch football. But they did share and work together. A great beginning, a wonderful new start of one of our favorite traditions that has become so accepted in our lives today. One more thing to be thankful for.
Mostly I am thankful for getting to celebrate this holiday.
Especially after the last 6 months.
Because I have new hope to take me into the new year
Because I fell good.
And I am so very thankful for so very very much
And that gives me a peace that I never thought I would achieve
Even for a short time
Thankful
joyful
peace
love
magic
hope
Words of the season
I am feeling them today
I wrapped presents
I thought about the heat and smells and the buzz of the kitchen on Thanksgiving day.
I am feeling good.
Sittin On A Porch
Our little back porch
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
La de da and now we know
OK, so I don't know what I was thinking. Tuesday morning I woke up in a good mood, took the garbage to the dump, picked up dog and cat food, packaged boxes to be mailed to family in Europe, took them to the post office. Cleo told me I was just too damn perky. hee hee, I did feel perky. Got home and Ms Judy took me up to the outpatient surgery. This was about noon. They got me checked in and then took me back to the prep room and I got into the gown and waited for the parade of doctors and nurses to introduce themselves. They wheeled me back to the surgical area, had me slide over onto the operating table and they had be put my arms out and they strapped me on to boards making a "T" out of me. As I faded out, I told the nurses they were a little kinky. I slipped off as I heard them laughing at the old white, scrawny bald woman.
Hours later, I have no idea how many, maybe 4 maybe less or more. I was slipping back into my body and realized that I was about to be very sick and they had an oxygen mask over my face. This was not good. I could not wave my arms, they felt different, but I could raise my left hand and I started spelling v..o..m..i..t... v..o..m..i..t. A male nurse looked at me and asked the room if anyone spoke sign language. The nurse beside me, quickly removed the mask and lifted my head slightly and handed me a vomit bag. And I did. As I was busy filling that blue bag, the young nurse was repeating something . "We have given you the maximum dose of every anti-nauseou meds we have. We can't do anything else for you." She was not dressed like the other nurses. And the Recovery nurses kept teasing her about getting lost. It turned out she was an OR nurse who had worked with all the other nurses in Recovery prior to moving to OR. They had been so worried about how sick I got on the table, she had accompainied me from OR until I was released from Recovery.
I had gotten sick on the operating table. Probably dry heaves because I had not had any for at least 12 hours. I think I have mentioned before that if I walk past a pill bottle on the counter, I can get sick. They gave me an antibitotic, pain meds, probably involving codine (yuck) and they used drugs to put me to sleep. Basically., every drug they gave me has sometime in the past made me vomit and they could not stop it. I try so hard to be an easy patient, but my body is strong in some ways, not so strong in others, the numbers are usually subnormal not normal, no surprise there. And any kind of pill I take is possible that it could all of a sudden turn on me the next time I take it. So I came too, sick. Really sick. The spinning started to subside and everyone was hovering over me. So when one nice looking man walked in between my gurney and the next, I pinched his butt. It didn't hurt him, but it did catch him entirely by surprise that this little scrawning, pale, old bald woman who was causing such anxiety must be coming around, because he yelled out loud that I was pinching him. The room came to a halt and the people snickered and went about their job.
So I don't remember anything from being strapped down to the table until I was waking up finger spelling v..o..m..i..t. I do remember after I had already had drugs and that it was a regular parade of people in scrubs each carrying a giant chart with my name on it, each stopping by one by one to introduce themselves to me.
I do remember saying over and over in the recovery that I was uncomfortable. I was completely and utterly amazed. It had never occurred to me that being cut into was going to change the way I felt from all that energy that morning. What was I thinking? How can you go through surgery where they inserted a port on the right side of my chest and took out a node under the left arm, well or course there would be pain and discomfort. I mean how foolish I had been. I mean this whole little"c" thing has turned my world upside down so that my perception is completely skewed. Thank goodness Mary, Judy and Denise had talked about it and set up a plan for taking care of me after the surgery. It never occurred to me that I would need to be taken care of. I was going to be just fine. Look at everything I had been through the week before! I mean ever since I have met Dr. M I have been poked and prodded and cut into and knocked out and sucked dry. I have had nasueau and not felt so great ever since meeting him. Of course I am not complaining, look at what he has been able to accomplish in those two weeks in connection with my little "c". But it has been pretty unpleasant.
Judy was finally able to break me out of the place Tuesday night. They kept threatening to keep me overnight if I didn't feel better. It was difficult but with that type of incentive I managed to get wheeled out of the hospital. And I got home and for the next several days I was out of it more then awake. Judy stayed with me and took care of me and the animals. Mary and Denise came by as they were able, and that was wonderful, but I was not up to any other visits, or even phone calls. They gave me hydrocodone with acetamedephin for pain management, I can't take either of those meds, they make me sick. So for the discomfort I have taken Ibuprophin and that has done just fine.
But drum roll please!!! The results are in from the dye tests, it is lung cancer. No doubt about it. We know for sure lung cancer. OK, not really what I would have hoped for in the beginning, but that is what I have. And the doctor will start chemo Monday, this time with drugs to affect lung cancer. They have taken out a piece of cancer, and it is uncomfortable at the surgical site. It hurts, but each day it hurts less, and that is how I feel about this cancer. Now we know what it is, now we can focus those WMDs based on knowing. Good news. I understand that Lung cancer is the number one cancer that kills Americans. But I have a different type of lung cancer we hope. The genomic testing will let us know for sure. Dr. M believes I have a specific mutation of lung cancer that is found in caucasion women my age without a history of heavy smoking. And if I do, there is a treatment that will help me have the fullest longest life possible leaving with a possibly incurable disease. But time will tell us all of that.
For now, I appreciate Judy, Mary and Denise all stepping in to take care of me. I had the animals prepared, but somehow had refused to think about what it would be like physically for me to recover. And they took care of me and let me sleep and just heal. And I am healing.
Next week will be a busy week of doctor appointments, but I know what kind of cancer I have now. And I think I will be more prepared in the future for what is coming next. No more La de da here, OK, well, maybe I will do my best to understand and think about things before hand, but nothing wrong with a little La de da. hee hee
La de da.
Hours later, I have no idea how many, maybe 4 maybe less or more. I was slipping back into my body and realized that I was about to be very sick and they had an oxygen mask over my face. This was not good. I could not wave my arms, they felt different, but I could raise my left hand and I started spelling v..o..m..i..t... v..o..m..i..t. A male nurse looked at me and asked the room if anyone spoke sign language. The nurse beside me, quickly removed the mask and lifted my head slightly and handed me a vomit bag. And I did. As I was busy filling that blue bag, the young nurse was repeating something . "We have given you the maximum dose of every anti-nauseou meds we have. We can't do anything else for you." She was not dressed like the other nurses. And the Recovery nurses kept teasing her about getting lost. It turned out she was an OR nurse who had worked with all the other nurses in Recovery prior to moving to OR. They had been so worried about how sick I got on the table, she had accompainied me from OR until I was released from Recovery.
I had gotten sick on the operating table. Probably dry heaves because I had not had any for at least 12 hours. I think I have mentioned before that if I walk past a pill bottle on the counter, I can get sick. They gave me an antibitotic, pain meds, probably involving codine (yuck) and they used drugs to put me to sleep. Basically., every drug they gave me has sometime in the past made me vomit and they could not stop it. I try so hard to be an easy patient, but my body is strong in some ways, not so strong in others, the numbers are usually subnormal not normal, no surprise there. And any kind of pill I take is possible that it could all of a sudden turn on me the next time I take it. So I came too, sick. Really sick. The spinning started to subside and everyone was hovering over me. So when one nice looking man walked in between my gurney and the next, I pinched his butt. It didn't hurt him, but it did catch him entirely by surprise that this little scrawning, pale, old bald woman who was causing such anxiety must be coming around, because he yelled out loud that I was pinching him. The room came to a halt and the people snickered and went about their job.
So I don't remember anything from being strapped down to the table until I was waking up finger spelling v..o..m..i..t. I do remember after I had already had drugs and that it was a regular parade of people in scrubs each carrying a giant chart with my name on it, each stopping by one by one to introduce themselves to me.
I do remember saying over and over in the recovery that I was uncomfortable. I was completely and utterly amazed. It had never occurred to me that being cut into was going to change the way I felt from all that energy that morning. What was I thinking? How can you go through surgery where they inserted a port on the right side of my chest and took out a node under the left arm, well or course there would be pain and discomfort. I mean how foolish I had been. I mean this whole little"c" thing has turned my world upside down so that my perception is completely skewed. Thank goodness Mary, Judy and Denise had talked about it and set up a plan for taking care of me after the surgery. It never occurred to me that I would need to be taken care of. I was going to be just fine. Look at everything I had been through the week before! I mean ever since I have met Dr. M I have been poked and prodded and cut into and knocked out and sucked dry. I have had nasueau and not felt so great ever since meeting him. Of course I am not complaining, look at what he has been able to accomplish in those two weeks in connection with my little "c". But it has been pretty unpleasant.
Judy was finally able to break me out of the place Tuesday night. They kept threatening to keep me overnight if I didn't feel better. It was difficult but with that type of incentive I managed to get wheeled out of the hospital. And I got home and for the next several days I was out of it more then awake. Judy stayed with me and took care of me and the animals. Mary and Denise came by as they were able, and that was wonderful, but I was not up to any other visits, or even phone calls. They gave me hydrocodone with acetamedephin for pain management, I can't take either of those meds, they make me sick. So for the discomfort I have taken Ibuprophin and that has done just fine.
But drum roll please!!! The results are in from the dye tests, it is lung cancer. No doubt about it. We know for sure lung cancer. OK, not really what I would have hoped for in the beginning, but that is what I have. And the doctor will start chemo Monday, this time with drugs to affect lung cancer. They have taken out a piece of cancer, and it is uncomfortable at the surgical site. It hurts, but each day it hurts less, and that is how I feel about this cancer. Now we know what it is, now we can focus those WMDs based on knowing. Good news. I understand that Lung cancer is the number one cancer that kills Americans. But I have a different type of lung cancer we hope. The genomic testing will let us know for sure. Dr. M believes I have a specific mutation of lung cancer that is found in caucasion women my age without a history of heavy smoking. And if I do, there is a treatment that will help me have the fullest longest life possible leaving with a possibly incurable disease. But time will tell us all of that.
For now, I appreciate Judy, Mary and Denise all stepping in to take care of me. I had the animals prepared, but somehow had refused to think about what it would be like physically for me to recover. And they took care of me and let me sleep and just heal. And I am healing.
Next week will be a busy week of doctor appointments, but I know what kind of cancer I have now. And I think I will be more prepared in the future for what is coming next. No more La de da here, OK, well, maybe I will do my best to understand and think about things before hand, but nothing wrong with a little La de da. hee hee
La de da.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Another new doctor
Where did they find all of these adorable doctors? We met the surgeon today. Yes, he is another gorgeous, adorable man. And he had the cutest medical student with him. I gave a plug to Jessie, but honestly, she is involved with Virgil right now, and this guy lives north of Thomasville, so again, he is not a local guy, so that will not do. It is just that Jessie is so adorable and I can't imagine life here if she leaves. And I have only known this special young woman for a few years. Don't misunderstand, she has 3 siblings whom I adore also, not to mention baby Owen. They are all very special people and I am so grateful to know them and Mr and Ms Moon. They have welcomed me into their family, and I feel so fortunate for that.
But I was talking about the new doctor, Dr. Cascone. He is very personable and focused. He tried to feel the lymph node and could not feel it, and then made a comment if he could not determine which node it was he would have to take all of them on my left side. I quickly explained that he would be able to see which one from the PTScan. He and the medical student left and when they came back, the doctor felt comfortable that he knew which one, and would not have to take more then that one. Whew!!!! remember I watched that PBS special on cancer, they did a story on a woman who had all of the lymph nodes removed from one side and she had to wear this horrid elastic sleeve. I mean if there was a question about the lymph nodes I would have no problem with them removing them all. If I had to wear the sleeve, I would gladly accept that. But since the PTscan clearly shows that only one node is affected, why remove more then we need? The doc seemed to be of the same mind set.
I have my appointment for tomorrow afternoon at day surgery. Ms Judy will take me to the outpatient surgery, Ms Moon is still too sick to be around me, but she is with us. We talk about her constantly, we tell each doctor that they will meet her eventually, if they are lucky. She is there. She is a part of our team, and Judy and I rely on her just like she is with us. Remember that Ms Moon, you are here, you are loved and you are a part of this team, and such an important part of keeping me sane through this process. I love Ms Judy and she is just as important and integral to this as you are. I need you both. But that does not mean that you each do not have lives that might mean that sometimes you are not with me. But you always are.
After we met with the doctor then we drove across to the Ambulatory Section. They took more blood, had me pee in a cup, took a chest X-ray and an EKG. It looks like I am fine to go.
But I was talking about the new doctor, Dr. Cascone. He is very personable and focused. He tried to feel the lymph node and could not feel it, and then made a comment if he could not determine which node it was he would have to take all of them on my left side. I quickly explained that he would be able to see which one from the PTScan. He and the medical student left and when they came back, the doctor felt comfortable that he knew which one, and would not have to take more then that one. Whew!!!! remember I watched that PBS special on cancer, they did a story on a woman who had all of the lymph nodes removed from one side and she had to wear this horrid elastic sleeve. I mean if there was a question about the lymph nodes I would have no problem with them removing them all. If I had to wear the sleeve, I would gladly accept that. But since the PTscan clearly shows that only one node is affected, why remove more then we need? The doc seemed to be of the same mind set.
I have my appointment for tomorrow afternoon at day surgery. Ms Judy will take me to the outpatient surgery, Ms Moon is still too sick to be around me, but she is with us. We talk about her constantly, we tell each doctor that they will meet her eventually, if they are lucky. She is there. She is a part of our team, and Judy and I rely on her just like she is with us. Remember that Ms Moon, you are here, you are loved and you are a part of this team, and such an important part of keeping me sane through this process. I love Ms Judy and she is just as important and integral to this as you are. I need you both. But that does not mean that you each do not have lives that might mean that sometimes you are not with me. But you always are.
After we met with the doctor then we drove across to the Ambulatory Section. They took more blood, had me pee in a cup, took a chest X-ray and an EKG. It looks like I am fine to go.
And they will take, hopefully just the one lymph node out. Just the one. If they feel they have to take more, I will understand. And after the lymph node surgery, Dr. C will put in a port for me. This is going to make my life so much better.
The white peep is still hanging in there, but still severely suffering from PTSD. I mean seriously. I walk into the coop to feed or give treats, and bless its little heart it flattens out and starts screaming, then runs trying to stay flat which means then it can not see Zora Neal so then it really starts screaming. I feel so bad for it. So I am giving it space and hoping that eventually the terror will fade and it will grow up normal enough for a chicken. Who knows it might end up being better adapted to deal with danger with this terrible event. It does not seem it right now, for either of us. Meanwhile the other little peep is doing just fine and reveling in the attention of its mother. It was second fiddle, and now it is the golden child. That is funny in that it is a lovely light golden color. But at least the little white peep is alive, has a strong survival need and each day is getting better. I also looked at the area where the holes are and sure enough it looked like something could get into the coop, so I moved the cement rocks I had put in the holes and shoveled more dirt into the hole. I packed it down tight and mounded the dirt up to try and make sure that they will be safe for a few days. I am not sure that tomorrow I will be able to shovel dirt after the surgery. But since we do not have to leave until 11, hopefully I will have time to ship my packages off and check the hole for more dirt, and fill up the feeders and water cans so that the chickens will be OK for a couple of days.
Then I called work and let them know that I will be out for the week, and we will have to see how things are for next week. I know the doctor said 2 weeks, but lets take it a week at a time and see how things go. I have to be able to answer emails and get some work done. Judy told me she could get me on line to my emails tomorrow from home. I hope so. I hate to have people asking questions and needing assistance and I am not there. I could work from home and keep my left arm rested. We will see.
I am a little anxious. I know I have cancer, so what could be worse?!?! Being put out and then having them cut on me. That is worse then cancer. Remember I do not feel the cancer, I do not have any symptoms from it. So it is not as real to me as going to the hospital putting on one of those lovely robes, being put to sleep so they can cut open my arm pit. Sorry, that is a lot scarier right this minute then some unseen, unfelt cancer. But this time tomorrow night, Ms Judy will be here and I will be asleep, sleeping off the drugs they will give me to do the surgery. Everything will be fine and I will have a little less cancer in my body, and a huge sample to determine what kind of caner I have. So this is all good. I will probably take an Ativan tonight to sleep and rest.
Tomorrow, they are going to get some of this cancer out of me.
Later this week, I will meet with Dr. M and he will give us good news.
This little "c" has met its match.
I will continue with my visualization that I am well,
that the caner just flakes away likes yellow, red and orange leaves falling off of trees this time of year. There to be raked up and composted. Turned from dying cells into fertilizer to be spread out in gardens. Gardens that will be filled overflowing with flowers and vegetables.
Yes, I like that idea, the cancer is just flaking away, making room for a new healthy life.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Zora Neal
Bob the dog does a great job waking me when the chickens make noises at night. But he will not go with me to face the predator. And the predator was back last night and it even slipped past me as I ran for Zora. It was dark and I did not have on my glasses, any shoes or my flashlight. When I hear my babies scream, I run. I don't stop and think, I just run to my babies.
I got to the barn and flipped on the light in the horse stall and ran into the coop. It gives a little back light, but does not light up the coop enough to really see what is going on. As I moved from one coop to the next something shaped like a raccoon waddled quickly by me and down into the rabbit hole and was gone. Zora is tore up pretty good and the white chick has a wound on the right side of its head and neck. The worst injury for the chick is the PTSD. The poor little thing does not look well, but trying to take it from its mother to clean it up and put some antibiotic salve, seemed worse then letting it have some food and water and some warmth and attention from Zora Neal. I will keep my eye on them both. I put more rocks in where the animals are digging into the coop and then shoveled more dirt in again. Later today when it is warmer I will go out and see if I can do a better job of closing off the holes.
The brownies are made and the cinnamon oatmeal cookies are in the oven. The General meeting for the Stage Company is at 2:00. I am up for election. I have been on the Board of the Stage Company for 2 years. I am proud of what we have accomplished. We now share all Board meeting minutes with all members. We have met with other local stage companies and have had our first play share in that TOSAC brought a play to the Opera House last season, and hopefully this season we will have a production from members of the Stage Company take a play to TOSAC and have them bring another play to our stage. We still need to do a better job in developing new directors or bringing in new directors, and keep working on getting company members involved. But am I the one that should be doing this? My focus is elsewhere. Having something else in my life other then cancer could be a good thing. But can I be selfish enough to run for an election for a position that I don't know if I can give what I feel is needed for this job. I took over the financial position, but was unable at that time to get my brain to work well enough to handle the position. Pat took the position and immediately fixed the problem. That was when I realized I might not be the best person. I do not see the Board as the Stage Company itself. It is merely the representatives of the members of the Stage Company. Their voice. And the best way to follow the guidance of their voice is to have their input. We need to be better about that. I am not sure how. Maybe we need to make the members feel more welcome to attend Board Meetings. Again though, am I really the one to do this?!?!?!?? I don't know. But the brownies and cookies are ready for the meeting. We are serving light snacks at the meeting.
I got a call from Donna at the Oncology Office, I have an appointment on Monday with the doctor who will do the surgery to remove the lymph node. Friday I will go in for more lab work and then meet with the doctor. The following Monday I will start my new chemo treatment. This is exciting. I wonder how this new chemo mix will affect me. It is a different chemo. This one will be more specific to the type of cancer that I have. I still don't know what cancer I have, but we are closer to knowing. Maybe by next Monday we will know for sure. I trust Dr. M to know what he is doing. And I like the fact that we have good communication between him and the rest of the team, and I know his goal is to beat this cancer. It feels good to have that.
Now to get ready to go to the Stage Company meeting. Ms Moon will not be there, she is a little under the weather. It is a gorgeous day, the temperatures have warmed up nicely.
We had the Stage Company meeting. It was small. But we had enough to complete our business. Jan and I were re-elected to the Board. There are plenty of cookies left, and Judy was asked to direct the Murder Mystery. It was a small turn out, but we got a lot accomplished. It was a good meeting.
Tomorrow Judy and I will meet with the doctor who will do the lymph node surgery.
Mary can't go with us, she is sick, and my immune system is low.
Sometime this week they will remove a little piece of cancer.
A little cancer gone.
gone.
Then on Friday more lab work and then an appointment with Dr. M
And I feel like living again.
I have a 3 year term at the Opera House Stage Company
I think I will more then make that
I didn't feel this hopeful before.
Dr. M has made me feel like I will be well again.
Maybe not cancer free
but well.
I can live with that.
I got to the barn and flipped on the light in the horse stall and ran into the coop. It gives a little back light, but does not light up the coop enough to really see what is going on. As I moved from one coop to the next something shaped like a raccoon waddled quickly by me and down into the rabbit hole and was gone. Zora is tore up pretty good and the white chick has a wound on the right side of its head and neck. The worst injury for the chick is the PTSD. The poor little thing does not look well, but trying to take it from its mother to clean it up and put some antibiotic salve, seemed worse then letting it have some food and water and some warmth and attention from Zora Neal. I will keep my eye on them both. I put more rocks in where the animals are digging into the coop and then shoveled more dirt in again. Later today when it is warmer I will go out and see if I can do a better job of closing off the holes.
The brownies are made and the cinnamon oatmeal cookies are in the oven. The General meeting for the Stage Company is at 2:00. I am up for election. I have been on the Board of the Stage Company for 2 years. I am proud of what we have accomplished. We now share all Board meeting minutes with all members. We have met with other local stage companies and have had our first play share in that TOSAC brought a play to the Opera House last season, and hopefully this season we will have a production from members of the Stage Company take a play to TOSAC and have them bring another play to our stage. We still need to do a better job in developing new directors or bringing in new directors, and keep working on getting company members involved. But am I the one that should be doing this? My focus is elsewhere. Having something else in my life other then cancer could be a good thing. But can I be selfish enough to run for an election for a position that I don't know if I can give what I feel is needed for this job. I took over the financial position, but was unable at that time to get my brain to work well enough to handle the position. Pat took the position and immediately fixed the problem. That was when I realized I might not be the best person. I do not see the Board as the Stage Company itself. It is merely the representatives of the members of the Stage Company. Their voice. And the best way to follow the guidance of their voice is to have their input. We need to be better about that. I am not sure how. Maybe we need to make the members feel more welcome to attend Board Meetings. Again though, am I really the one to do this?!?!?!?? I don't know. But the brownies and cookies are ready for the meeting. We are serving light snacks at the meeting.
I got a call from Donna at the Oncology Office, I have an appointment on Monday with the doctor who will do the surgery to remove the lymph node. Friday I will go in for more lab work and then meet with the doctor. The following Monday I will start my new chemo treatment. This is exciting. I wonder how this new chemo mix will affect me. It is a different chemo. This one will be more specific to the type of cancer that I have. I still don't know what cancer I have, but we are closer to knowing. Maybe by next Monday we will know for sure. I trust Dr. M to know what he is doing. And I like the fact that we have good communication between him and the rest of the team, and I know his goal is to beat this cancer. It feels good to have that.
Now to get ready to go to the Stage Company meeting. Ms Moon will not be there, she is a little under the weather. It is a gorgeous day, the temperatures have warmed up nicely.
We had the Stage Company meeting. It was small. But we had enough to complete our business. Jan and I were re-elected to the Board. There are plenty of cookies left, and Judy was asked to direct the Murder Mystery. It was a small turn out, but we got a lot accomplished. It was a good meeting.
Tomorrow Judy and I will meet with the doctor who will do the lymph node surgery.
Mary can't go with us, she is sick, and my immune system is low.
Sometime this week they will remove a little piece of cancer.
A little cancer gone.
gone.
Then on Friday more lab work and then an appointment with Dr. M
And I feel like living again.
I have a 3 year term at the Opera House Stage Company
I think I will more then make that
I didn't feel this hopeful before.
Dr. M has made me feel like I will be well again.
Maybe not cancer free
but well.
I can live with that.
Friday, November 5, 2010
cancer, bloody Mary's, remodeling and parties
This morning we met with Dr. Banderas. Mary, Judy and me. We talked, he showed us the PTScan on the computer. He said that there was a 70% chance that it was lung cancer. A 40% chance of breast cancer. He was going to set up a lung biopsy and this would confirm the cancer. If breast cancer then it is treatable and possibly could go into remission. Things could be even better. If lung, well that is also very treatable, probably not curable, but people with treatment can live long healthy lives with lung cancer. Sometimes once the cancer is under control they can use a pill form chemo instead of the IV.
And if we start chemo treatments again, which it looks like we could be doing so within the next couple of weeks, he will have a port put in. They are wrecking my veins with all the sticks. My hands and arms are covered in knots and black and blue marks. My veins hide in terror when they see someone coming at me with a needle. They roll and blow and hide and do all other kind of difficult things these days.
Finally, it looks like I am going to really know what I have. My little "c" will have a name. I am exited.
Then they gave me a B-12 shot and a shot of growth hormone, and then on to see Ms Donna in scheduling. She was having trouble setting up the schedule so I gave her my email address and asked her to email it to me.
After the visit the three of us went to Lowe's to help me pick out the paint. No, I had picked it out in my dreams last night, I needed to find the colors I saw, they were perfect. So I would stare at all the pinks, overwhelmed and then I would start describing the paint color to Mary and within a card or two she would hand me the exact color. For my bed room, Pixie Dust pink; for the living room and kitchen, Warm summer yellow; and for the 2 bathrooms and the guest room, blue mist. Then to look at flooring. This is a single wide trailer that I had planned on replacing when I bought the property. I bought the property, the trailer was a place to live until I could put up a house. Preferably an older house moved onto the property on the other side of the barn between the pines and the orchard. But now, no I don't want to deal with all of that. This trailer is fine. It just needs a little extra attention. I need to remove that horrible carpet. Now don't get me wrong it was a good quality, beautiful blue, expensive carpet, but carpet is a terrible idea with 5 dogs. I am now down to three labs, and you know what? Carpet is a terrible idea with 3 ginormous labs, not to mention 4 cats.
My first choice is the easiest to clean. It is a single wide trailer after all. So I thought we could look at the vinyl flooring and then at the wood laminate. Tile is not a good idea for a trailer. What I found and I am seriously considering is the light wood vinyl flooring that is made to look like wood laminate that is made to look like real wood floors. I like that idea, the fake of the fake, hmmm and the easiest to keep clean. I will take it!!! Then Mary saw these wonderful area rugs. There was one that I really liked for the living room, it kind of reminded me of plastic trying to look like bamboo. I mean how perfect, vinyl flooring trying to look like laminate, trying to look like real wood with a plastic rug trying to look like bamboo. I can't believe I like this!!! The sales woman, said that is an outdoor rug. I said, "perfect!" Talk about easy to keep clean.
But it is much nicer looking then I describe and it will be so easy to keep clean. I mean this would take all the work out of dealing with this horrid carpet. Making life easier so I have more time for those things that are really important. Cleaning carpet is not my idea of one of those important things. So that was that. I had my paint colors and the type of paint I wanted. I had my floor picked out and the card of the woman who will set everything up. I saw a lamp that would be perfect, maybe, over the table in the kitchen. Done. Mary got a lamp shade and I got a pretty new floor register for the living room. You know, just replacing the floor register made me feel that there is hope right here in my own little place. Painting and a new floor, a little change here and there. No moving, no packing, no stress about moving or building a house. No, my dreams were beautiful last night with my painted walls. In my dream, the floors were laminate. The vinyl will be close enough. OK, time to take some action.
Action, Bloody Mary's at Applebees along with some lunch. We had a lot of fun, the food, hmm, well, it wasn't as important as the three of us together. A good time was had, but the time came to head back to Jefferson County. The girl's came in to drop me off and Dr. Bandera's called. He said when he was looking at the PTScan with us, it caused him to look at it again after we left and he had it looked at, and there it was, cancer, lymph node, under my left arm.
More cancer.
A lymph node.
Next week the doctor will call to set up the surgery to remove the lymph node. It could be 2 weeks before we have all the results back, but the doctor might be able to start the chemo again before we have all the results back. That is why I had the shots today. My white cells and bone marrow are still a little depleted. So we are so close to naming this cancer. Pink ribbon of course if it is breast, white for lung.
This is a lot to take in again, but this news is not so hard to take in like the last news from Dr. B. And speaking of him. He missed the cancer in the lymph node. I was referred to him from a Pulmonologist, he never considered it to be lung cancer. He never considered anything but unknown source and incurable. He missed so much. so very much.
And then tonight armed with my good news, I went to the party at Linda and Kent's for the Opera House Board evening. I stayed for almost an hour, and I had a nice time and saw friends. Linda gave me some hats and scarves, etc to wear and share.
This was an amazing day. The doctor, shopping for paint colors and new floors, lunch with bloody Marys, and then a party. Then I came home and made a giant pot of veggie soup. It is cold. Have I mentioned that I dislike the cold? I really don't like the cold, really. But I can stay in the house and eat my soup and look out the windows and see the sunshine and know that next week they will remove that lymph node, that will be a little less cancer in me. And the cancer that was radiated on my second rib does not show up cancer any more. Neither does the C6 vertebrate. Did the chemo and radiation do it, or was it ever there? I don't know. But it is gone, and soon also will be the lymph node, and from that node it is going to crack open the long held mystery and we will know. OK, it is possible that we will not know, but I just feel that we will.
So how is this going to affect my life? Well, I just might have way more life then was suggested by the last doctor. And Dr. Banderas is getting me to think differently about life with cancer. How to use timing to live a full life, but to minimize complications. If I start Chemo again the week of Nov. 15, and this would be a different combination then what Dr. B had used. This one will be more specific to the type of cancer I have, but then taking an airplane to NY, within that 10 day time frame after the treatment is when my immune system is at its lowest. Dr. M, suggests that we plan a trip to fit with the treatment schedule. It might mess up plans for NY. I will know more the coming week or so, but I have to deal with this cancer and participate in the treatments, make smart decisions. I will get to NY. Will it be this Thanksgiving? I don't know, but by being smart now and getting this cancer under control, I will have time to go to NY later. And I am not afraid that I will miss anything. I have done a lot so far, and I am not giving up, or doing with out, just putting my life back in perspective again. Perspective to what I know now, and what I will know soon.
Such a good day.
I am happy.
I have hope, real hope. Not just putting the best face forward hope.
Real hope.
A real cancer with a real name
with real treatments
that can be stopped, or slowed, or just put in it's place.
Yep, a good day, and I am happy.
And if we start chemo treatments again, which it looks like we could be doing so within the next couple of weeks, he will have a port put in. They are wrecking my veins with all the sticks. My hands and arms are covered in knots and black and blue marks. My veins hide in terror when they see someone coming at me with a needle. They roll and blow and hide and do all other kind of difficult things these days.
Finally, it looks like I am going to really know what I have. My little "c" will have a name. I am exited.
Then they gave me a B-12 shot and a shot of growth hormone, and then on to see Ms Donna in scheduling. She was having trouble setting up the schedule so I gave her my email address and asked her to email it to me.
After the visit the three of us went to Lowe's to help me pick out the paint. No, I had picked it out in my dreams last night, I needed to find the colors I saw, they were perfect. So I would stare at all the pinks, overwhelmed and then I would start describing the paint color to Mary and within a card or two she would hand me the exact color. For my bed room, Pixie Dust pink; for the living room and kitchen, Warm summer yellow; and for the 2 bathrooms and the guest room, blue mist. Then to look at flooring. This is a single wide trailer that I had planned on replacing when I bought the property. I bought the property, the trailer was a place to live until I could put up a house. Preferably an older house moved onto the property on the other side of the barn between the pines and the orchard. But now, no I don't want to deal with all of that. This trailer is fine. It just needs a little extra attention. I need to remove that horrible carpet. Now don't get me wrong it was a good quality, beautiful blue, expensive carpet, but carpet is a terrible idea with 5 dogs. I am now down to three labs, and you know what? Carpet is a terrible idea with 3 ginormous labs, not to mention 4 cats.
My first choice is the easiest to clean. It is a single wide trailer after all. So I thought we could look at the vinyl flooring and then at the wood laminate. Tile is not a good idea for a trailer. What I found and I am seriously considering is the light wood vinyl flooring that is made to look like wood laminate that is made to look like real wood floors. I like that idea, the fake of the fake, hmmm and the easiest to keep clean. I will take it!!! Then Mary saw these wonderful area rugs. There was one that I really liked for the living room, it kind of reminded me of plastic trying to look like bamboo. I mean how perfect, vinyl flooring trying to look like laminate, trying to look like real wood with a plastic rug trying to look like bamboo. I can't believe I like this!!! The sales woman, said that is an outdoor rug. I said, "perfect!" Talk about easy to keep clean.
But it is much nicer looking then I describe and it will be so easy to keep clean. I mean this would take all the work out of dealing with this horrid carpet. Making life easier so I have more time for those things that are really important. Cleaning carpet is not my idea of one of those important things. So that was that. I had my paint colors and the type of paint I wanted. I had my floor picked out and the card of the woman who will set everything up. I saw a lamp that would be perfect, maybe, over the table in the kitchen. Done. Mary got a lamp shade and I got a pretty new floor register for the living room. You know, just replacing the floor register made me feel that there is hope right here in my own little place. Painting and a new floor, a little change here and there. No moving, no packing, no stress about moving or building a house. No, my dreams were beautiful last night with my painted walls. In my dream, the floors were laminate. The vinyl will be close enough. OK, time to take some action.
Action, Bloody Mary's at Applebees along with some lunch. We had a lot of fun, the food, hmm, well, it wasn't as important as the three of us together. A good time was had, but the time came to head back to Jefferson County. The girl's came in to drop me off and Dr. Bandera's called. He said when he was looking at the PTScan with us, it caused him to look at it again after we left and he had it looked at, and there it was, cancer, lymph node, under my left arm.
More cancer.
A lymph node.
Next week the doctor will call to set up the surgery to remove the lymph node. It could be 2 weeks before we have all the results back, but the doctor might be able to start the chemo again before we have all the results back. That is why I had the shots today. My white cells and bone marrow are still a little depleted. So we are so close to naming this cancer. Pink ribbon of course if it is breast, white for lung.
This is a lot to take in again, but this news is not so hard to take in like the last news from Dr. B. And speaking of him. He missed the cancer in the lymph node. I was referred to him from a Pulmonologist, he never considered it to be lung cancer. He never considered anything but unknown source and incurable. He missed so much. so very much.
And then tonight armed with my good news, I went to the party at Linda and Kent's for the Opera House Board evening. I stayed for almost an hour, and I had a nice time and saw friends. Linda gave me some hats and scarves, etc to wear and share.
This was an amazing day. The doctor, shopping for paint colors and new floors, lunch with bloody Marys, and then a party. Then I came home and made a giant pot of veggie soup. It is cold. Have I mentioned that I dislike the cold? I really don't like the cold, really. But I can stay in the house and eat my soup and look out the windows and see the sunshine and know that next week they will remove that lymph node, that will be a little less cancer in me. And the cancer that was radiated on my second rib does not show up cancer any more. Neither does the C6 vertebrate. Did the chemo and radiation do it, or was it ever there? I don't know. But it is gone, and soon also will be the lymph node, and from that node it is going to crack open the long held mystery and we will know. OK, it is possible that we will not know, but I just feel that we will.
So how is this going to affect my life? Well, I just might have way more life then was suggested by the last doctor. And Dr. Banderas is getting me to think differently about life with cancer. How to use timing to live a full life, but to minimize complications. If I start Chemo again the week of Nov. 15, and this would be a different combination then what Dr. B had used. This one will be more specific to the type of cancer I have, but then taking an airplane to NY, within that 10 day time frame after the treatment is when my immune system is at its lowest. Dr. M, suggests that we plan a trip to fit with the treatment schedule. It might mess up plans for NY. I will know more the coming week or so, but I have to deal with this cancer and participate in the treatments, make smart decisions. I will get to NY. Will it be this Thanksgiving? I don't know, but by being smart now and getting this cancer under control, I will have time to go to NY later. And I am not afraid that I will miss anything. I have done a lot so far, and I am not giving up, or doing with out, just putting my life back in perspective again. Perspective to what I know now, and what I will know soon.
Such a good day.
I am happy.
I have hope, real hope. Not just putting the best face forward hope.
Real hope.
A real cancer with a real name
with real treatments
that can be stopped, or slowed, or just put in it's place.
Yep, a good day, and I am happy.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
too much nature
I can not take credit for the statement, "Too much nature" That belongs to Ms Moon's second daughter, Lily, and it is a great story of why she said that, involving a bathroom, a bat, underwear and a roach, but you will have to go see Ms Moon to hear more. So here is my "too much nature" story.
I was getting ready to go to the PTscan on Wednesday with Ms Judy. I had gone outside to feed the chickens and was coming back in when I realized that the middle step to my back porch was completely covered in dirt. I looked down to see a very well constructed hole leading in and under my back porch. I thought, well, I will have to deal with that later. Something caught my eye and I looked up in time to see half a dozen or more of my "wild" rabbits grazing through the back pasture. I thought, well, I will have to deal with that later. So I kicked the dirt off the step and started in the house when Bob came running up and tried to run into the house with a stick. OK, a branch. I am not kidding, it is like 2 inch diameter and about a foot and a half long, perfect for mulching in the living room. A pain to get picked up. So I grabbed at the stick, missed and then jerked back as something almost smacked me right in the head. It was a Carolina wren flying not from the outside in, but from the inside of my house out. And then here came its mate. I guess they are looking for a new place to build their nest. I do not think building a bird nest in the winter in my house is a great idea. I have cats. I don't keep the doors open like I do in the summer because I dislike the cold, intensely dislike the cold. But of course, I thought, well, I will have to deal with that later. I went into the bathroom and got in the shower only to find a tree frog there. And of course I thought, well, I will have to deal with that later. Then I laughed and laughed at myself, there is just too much nature here!
Now my friend Bob from work, says it is not about too much nature it is about using the doors for which they were put on the house, to keep all of that nature stuff out. He is right I suppose, but I love having my doors and windows open, well, except in the winter. Did I mention how much I dislike the cold?
I was telling Vicki about this and I said that I thought it was just my thing with the primordial forest. When we lived on Pine Island three corners of the house had trees growing from the roof to the ground. It was a stilt house closed in to look like a two story house. Everyone always worried about the trees growing on and around my house. I did not, I just figured that one day people would look at the property and find that it had been swallowed by the primordial forest and there would be like an imprint of my face or arm or something in the bark of a huge tree. That was just fine with me. And when Hurricane Charlie hit us with 168 mph winds August 13, 2004, those trees are part of the reason that our house was still standing when so many others were not in our neighborhood.
Just too much nature, but I like it that way.
So I survived the PTscan, and Judy took me to Longhorn's on the way home and I had trout with asparagus and a big salad and fresh baked bread. I ate all of my salad and some of the rest of the meal then brought home dinner for tonight. I will just add a salad, and there I go, a wonderful healthy dinner. I choose the trout over the salmon because I thought it would be lighter, and it was a good choice. A very good choice.
Speaking of too much nature I have to keep stopping to remove cats from my lap as I try to write this. Marina is the scariest and she is on my lap now, so if the screen becomes bloody you now she pulled a Marina attack. Stella usually fights for first place on my lap, but Henry likes to have his time on Mom's lap also. Luna does not usually hang around when the other cats are here, but she will be curled up on the bed tonight and will slip up close next to me so we can share our heat. She is the shy one, but just as sweet as the others.
So I went in today to have more blood work drawn. Last Thursday when I was in having lab work done the nurse had told me to hang my arms down and keep clenching my fist, that will bring up veins. So there I sat in the waiting room with my arms hanging down. I have exceptionally long arms, so that means that they hang to the floor in a normal chair. I can tell you that the new Oncology building has clean floors. No dirt in my nails as I clench and re-clench my fist as they hang just a breath above the ground. People walked by and said, "Oh, having blood drawn today?" I smiled and kept clenching my fists, it also helps to clench because it does raise my hands that breath above the ground instead of my fingers brushing across the floors. And sure enough the nurse was able to stick a good vein and draw off enough blood.
Tomorrow is the doctor and I am excited, he might know something else about my little "c". Or he will have a plan, either way, another step closer to know more. Now to close the door, it is getting cold. And what will I do this weekend to protect my beloved plants? I am not sure, but I will figure it out, and I am strong enough to move some of them into my green house and get the heater set up in there. My plants don't like the cold any better then I do.
I was getting ready to go to the PTscan on Wednesday with Ms Judy. I had gone outside to feed the chickens and was coming back in when I realized that the middle step to my back porch was completely covered in dirt. I looked down to see a very well constructed hole leading in and under my back porch. I thought, well, I will have to deal with that later. Something caught my eye and I looked up in time to see half a dozen or more of my "wild" rabbits grazing through the back pasture. I thought, well, I will have to deal with that later. So I kicked the dirt off the step and started in the house when Bob came running up and tried to run into the house with a stick. OK, a branch. I am not kidding, it is like 2 inch diameter and about a foot and a half long, perfect for mulching in the living room. A pain to get picked up. So I grabbed at the stick, missed and then jerked back as something almost smacked me right in the head. It was a Carolina wren flying not from the outside in, but from the inside of my house out. And then here came its mate. I guess they are looking for a new place to build their nest. I do not think building a bird nest in the winter in my house is a great idea. I have cats. I don't keep the doors open like I do in the summer because I dislike the cold, intensely dislike the cold. But of course, I thought, well, I will have to deal with that later. I went into the bathroom and got in the shower only to find a tree frog there. And of course I thought, well, I will have to deal with that later. Then I laughed and laughed at myself, there is just too much nature here!
Now my friend Bob from work, says it is not about too much nature it is about using the doors for which they were put on the house, to keep all of that nature stuff out. He is right I suppose, but I love having my doors and windows open, well, except in the winter. Did I mention how much I dislike the cold?
I was telling Vicki about this and I said that I thought it was just my thing with the primordial forest. When we lived on Pine Island three corners of the house had trees growing from the roof to the ground. It was a stilt house closed in to look like a two story house. Everyone always worried about the trees growing on and around my house. I did not, I just figured that one day people would look at the property and find that it had been swallowed by the primordial forest and there would be like an imprint of my face or arm or something in the bark of a huge tree. That was just fine with me. And when Hurricane Charlie hit us with 168 mph winds August 13, 2004, those trees are part of the reason that our house was still standing when so many others were not in our neighborhood.
Just too much nature, but I like it that way.
So I survived the PTscan, and Judy took me to Longhorn's on the way home and I had trout with asparagus and a big salad and fresh baked bread. I ate all of my salad and some of the rest of the meal then brought home dinner for tonight. I will just add a salad, and there I go, a wonderful healthy dinner. I choose the trout over the salmon because I thought it would be lighter, and it was a good choice. A very good choice.
Speaking of too much nature I have to keep stopping to remove cats from my lap as I try to write this. Marina is the scariest and she is on my lap now, so if the screen becomes bloody you now she pulled a Marina attack. Stella usually fights for first place on my lap, but Henry likes to have his time on Mom's lap also. Luna does not usually hang around when the other cats are here, but she will be curled up on the bed tonight and will slip up close next to me so we can share our heat. She is the shy one, but just as sweet as the others.
So I went in today to have more blood work drawn. Last Thursday when I was in having lab work done the nurse had told me to hang my arms down and keep clenching my fist, that will bring up veins. So there I sat in the waiting room with my arms hanging down. I have exceptionally long arms, so that means that they hang to the floor in a normal chair. I can tell you that the new Oncology building has clean floors. No dirt in my nails as I clench and re-clench my fist as they hang just a breath above the ground. People walked by and said, "Oh, having blood drawn today?" I smiled and kept clenching my fists, it also helps to clench because it does raise my hands that breath above the ground instead of my fingers brushing across the floors. And sure enough the nurse was able to stick a good vein and draw off enough blood.
Tomorrow is the doctor and I am excited, he might know something else about my little "c". Or he will have a plan, either way, another step closer to know more. Now to close the door, it is getting cold. And what will I do this weekend to protect my beloved plants? I am not sure, but I will figure it out, and I am strong enough to move some of them into my green house and get the heater set up in there. My plants don't like the cold any better then I do.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I need to eat
The last time I ate was Sunday. Chinese takeout. It was wonderful, but that was mid afternoon. I had to start the cleansing process at 5:30 so no eating after that. Then I continued the cleansing process yesterday morning before I went into the colonosocopy and endoscopy, which were no big deal. After all not are you out, but the doctor includes a little amnesia blend in there so you truly don't remember anything. My memory is before and after with Mary and the doctor and the sweet, kind, wonderful staff. Mary brought me home. I could have gone to her house, but I knew I just wanted to sleep and didn't want to worry about my animals. Mary was sweet and made sure that I was settled in and eating a cookie and she went home to Mr. Moon and Jessie. The cookie did not stay down, and the couple of things I tried after that also did not stay down. I feel asleep and thought, I can eat a light breakfast tomorrow. Well, I had to eat before 8, no eating after 8 am for the PTscan today. I woke up after 8. Darn. I am hungry, not stomach rumbling hungry, but sugar level hungry. And I have to be careful how much water I drink, because if I drink that too fast, well, it doesn't stay down either. Sigh. This is the problem with tests, they give us good information, but there are unintended consequences. I will eat this evening when Judy gets me home from the PTScan, and I will be more careful. I will eat something light and bland and eat slowly and remind my stomach how nice it is to eat. The tomorrow I will go to work. Today is Tamara's birthday and the staff agreed to wait to celebrate her birthday until tomorrow. A pizza party. Hmmmm, I don't think I will eat much of that. But that is what she picked. Then Friday we will meet with the doctor to hear the results of the tests and his suggestions on where we go from here.
The colonoscopy and endoscopy came out clear. Oh thank goodness for that. It will be interesting to see what they find on the PTScan from today.
The only little hiccup yesterday, well besides the eating thing, was that the gallon of liquid you have to drink? Polyethylene glycol. And it pulls all the hydration out of your body so I was pretty dehydrated despite the fact that I had drank all that fluid. So it took 4 sticks and 2 nurses before they could get the IV in. And one, although it would not take anything from the IV, it bled like nobody's business. They had to change all of the blankets, but they were so clever I didn't mind, especially they use warm blankets. There is nothing like a warmed blanket being wrapped around you by sweet and caring people.
Larry has left with his brother Sandy to stay in Tennessee. We had a nice visit. Really, we had a nice visit. I sat and listened to him as we cried and talked about what was happening to him. I murmured softly and gave him him support. I know how hard it is to wrap your brain around what it happening to you. Each cancer is different and each experience is unique. He is struggling with why and how and lots of denial. He will have to come to his own terms with this. I am happy to listen but he will have to deal with this in his own way. I told him how I do it, but acceptance and the love and support of those around me. He will be closer to family there, both of his brothers, and lots of Watson cousins, so if he is open to it, he can depend on the support of his family. I truly wish him well. I am glad to be able to say that. I am sorry that it took something like this for him to start being a little bit more like the man I first met.
The elections are over. The best thing for me is that I will not have to listen to the hateful, mean and lying commercials on TV>
So now to get ready for the test of the day. Then I can eat!!! Oh yeah!
The colonoscopy and endoscopy came out clear. Oh thank goodness for that. It will be interesting to see what they find on the PTScan from today.
The only little hiccup yesterday, well besides the eating thing, was that the gallon of liquid you have to drink? Polyethylene glycol. And it pulls all the hydration out of your body so I was pretty dehydrated despite the fact that I had drank all that fluid. So it took 4 sticks and 2 nurses before they could get the IV in. And one, although it would not take anything from the IV, it bled like nobody's business. They had to change all of the blankets, but they were so clever I didn't mind, especially they use warm blankets. There is nothing like a warmed blanket being wrapped around you by sweet and caring people.
Larry has left with his brother Sandy to stay in Tennessee. We had a nice visit. Really, we had a nice visit. I sat and listened to him as we cried and talked about what was happening to him. I murmured softly and gave him him support. I know how hard it is to wrap your brain around what it happening to you. Each cancer is different and each experience is unique. He is struggling with why and how and lots of denial. He will have to come to his own terms with this. I am happy to listen but he will have to deal with this in his own way. I told him how I do it, but acceptance and the love and support of those around me. He will be closer to family there, both of his brothers, and lots of Watson cousins, so if he is open to it, he can depend on the support of his family. I truly wish him well. I am glad to be able to say that. I am sorry that it took something like this for him to start being a little bit more like the man I first met.
The elections are over. The best thing for me is that I will not have to listen to the hateful, mean and lying commercials on TV>
So now to get ready for the test of the day. Then I can eat!!! Oh yeah!
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