I slept better last night, but by midday I was so weak and worn out I just wanted to lay down. So I did. I can be very practical at times. Not often, but sometimes. Even laying down was taking way too much energy. I know I had not been well for a couple of days before I figured out that I was sick, but really I was only sick sick for 24 hours. I haven't eaten that much for the last few days, but the only reason I could be this weak and exhausted is that I am not well yet.
I slept for most of the night but around 4 am I woke and the smell of the bed was starting to make me sick. It had that gross sweaty, sweet, dirty smell. I had been so tired last night I just fell in bed and was instantly asleep. With the little c my nerves play terrible tricks on me. Loud noises can be painful, smells can be so strong, so loud that it will make me sick. And this morning the smell was so very loud. Around 7am I had stood in the shower and soaped up with my lovely new calendula soap. I let the soap sit on me then rinsed and sniffed. I was in the shower for almost 20 minutes before I could get the smell off me. As soon as I walked in the bedroom I was assaulted again by the smell of the bed. I wrapped up in the most neutral smelling sheet and managed to get about another hour sleep. As soon as Bug woke we stripped the bed and I washed everything down to the mattress. Anything that could be washed. Anything that could be bleached was. I even put a little baking soda in the water that had colored clothes in it also to try and neutralize the stench I had sweated out of my body.
Bug took me out to breakfast and I ate like a starving woman. Of course I ate more than my stomach was happy. But I felt so much better than the last couple of days. That didn't last any longer than the drive home, but it was delicious as I ate it.
Today was George's visitation. Ms Moon called to see if I was going. I could do this visitation with Ms Moon by my side, but the last thing I wanted to do was spread this whatever, especially to his wife. They did have 7 hours of visitation but I knew Linda would only be there for the first hour or so. It is just too much for her. It is such a hard thing to lose a best friend, lover, spouse. I know I spend a lot of time thinking about this, and really, what can be done. I worry about my sweet honey and how he will handle things when I am gone, but I keep coming up with the same answer. Nothing, just love him now, and know that he will have to take it from there.
Normally when I hear about a death my first reaction is what to bake. Fortunately I was not well enough to make anything. So at least I am not spreading this to more people. The Opera House Board has stepped up and helping to organize food and letting everyone know to take food, and schedules. Once again, everyone is so very busy with all the things going on in their lives, but who someone else is in need, they rally together and make sure that everything is taken care of.
The weather has been off and on cold lately, but this week it is going to get seriously cold. Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe cold weather? I have moved in hopefully the most important plants into the Florida room. It is wonderful to move your plants into a bright light filled room that I would love to spend time in this winter when I can't tolerate going outside. I really don't have anything much to comment on the weather, I just wanted to get in how much I don't like the cold.
I came up with a sure money maker. I could join a freak show. Maybe they would sit me between the bearded lady and the mermaid. I can be called skeleton woman. For a quarter teenage boys could get a peep at a naked female body. Trust me the boys will be so relieved when they finally get to see a real breast and understand that they are normally larger, just about any girl will look like a goddess to them. I could be used for anatomy classes. Who needs a skinless skeleton when you have one walking around with skin and muscle. Maybe an art class could use me as a model. I don't know, but it just seems a waste to be so horrifically skinny and not use it for good somewhere. Maybe I could be a visual aid for girls/women with eating disorders. All I can say is that between the lack of any fat and very little muscle tissue I have skin that just hangs on me like an old elephant. You know how as elephants get old they have that dry skin hanging in layers. And I itch. I think that is from my meds, but I don't know.
So there you go, TMI. Another insight into a happy, grateful, lucky, blessed woman. I may be physically unattractive, and my sense of humor may be getting darker and crazier by the day, but I am just doing my best.
That is all we can do.
Just do our best.
I slept for most of the night but around 4 am I woke and the smell of the bed was starting to make me sick. It had that gross sweaty, sweet, dirty smell. I had been so tired last night I just fell in bed and was instantly asleep. With the little c my nerves play terrible tricks on me. Loud noises can be painful, smells can be so strong, so loud that it will make me sick. And this morning the smell was so very loud. Around 7am I had stood in the shower and soaped up with my lovely new calendula soap. I let the soap sit on me then rinsed and sniffed. I was in the shower for almost 20 minutes before I could get the smell off me. As soon as I walked in the bedroom I was assaulted again by the smell of the bed. I wrapped up in the most neutral smelling sheet and managed to get about another hour sleep. As soon as Bug woke we stripped the bed and I washed everything down to the mattress. Anything that could be washed. Anything that could be bleached was. I even put a little baking soda in the water that had colored clothes in it also to try and neutralize the stench I had sweated out of my body.
Bug took me out to breakfast and I ate like a starving woman. Of course I ate more than my stomach was happy. But I felt so much better than the last couple of days. That didn't last any longer than the drive home, but it was delicious as I ate it.
Today was George's visitation. Ms Moon called to see if I was going. I could do this visitation with Ms Moon by my side, but the last thing I wanted to do was spread this whatever, especially to his wife. They did have 7 hours of visitation but I knew Linda would only be there for the first hour or so. It is just too much for her. It is such a hard thing to lose a best friend, lover, spouse. I know I spend a lot of time thinking about this, and really, what can be done. I worry about my sweet honey and how he will handle things when I am gone, but I keep coming up with the same answer. Nothing, just love him now, and know that he will have to take it from there.
Normally when I hear about a death my first reaction is what to bake. Fortunately I was not well enough to make anything. So at least I am not spreading this to more people. The Opera House Board has stepped up and helping to organize food and letting everyone know to take food, and schedules. Once again, everyone is so very busy with all the things going on in their lives, but who someone else is in need, they rally together and make sure that everything is taken care of.
The weather has been off and on cold lately, but this week it is going to get seriously cold. Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe cold weather? I have moved in hopefully the most important plants into the Florida room. It is wonderful to move your plants into a bright light filled room that I would love to spend time in this winter when I can't tolerate going outside. I really don't have anything much to comment on the weather, I just wanted to get in how much I don't like the cold.
I came up with a sure money maker. I could join a freak show. Maybe they would sit me between the bearded lady and the mermaid. I can be called skeleton woman. For a quarter teenage boys could get a peep at a naked female body. Trust me the boys will be so relieved when they finally get to see a real breast and understand that they are normally larger, just about any girl will look like a goddess to them. I could be used for anatomy classes. Who needs a skinless skeleton when you have one walking around with skin and muscle. Maybe an art class could use me as a model. I don't know, but it just seems a waste to be so horrifically skinny and not use it for good somewhere. Maybe I could be a visual aid for girls/women with eating disorders. All I can say is that between the lack of any fat and very little muscle tissue I have skin that just hangs on me like an old elephant. You know how as elephants get old they have that dry skin hanging in layers. And I itch. I think that is from my meds, but I don't know.
So there you go, TMI. Another insight into a happy, grateful, lucky, blessed woman. I may be physically unattractive, and my sense of humor may be getting darker and crazier by the day, but I am just doing my best.
That is all we can do.
Just do our best.
I hope that you are feeling stronger now. Sorry that I haven't been commenting. It seems that I stay busy and not as focused on being at the computer anymore.
ReplyDelete